I I For For-foic^M- Eodir>£ s!\\ February 25^1928 Price 15 Cents Of Course You re Going to Florida >$^ s Beautiful Hollywood-by-the-Sea Is Irresistibly Alluring ITUATED directly on the ocean front, the 500-room magnificent Hollywood Beach Ho tel is the finest and largest in Florida. Completed at a cost of $3,000,000, of fireproof construc tion, it is unsurpassed in furnish ings and service. Rates at the Hollywood Beach Hotel: $20 to $30 for two. The Gulf Stream, closer to Holly wood Beach than any other along the Florida Coast, keeps the surf at an even temperature. In Janu' ary it is 72 degrees. The bathing casino contains 800 private dressing rooms. A fine 18-hole course pro vides every facility for golf dev otees. $10 to $15 a day for one in a room; (American Plan.) HOLLYWOOD BEACH HOTEL f/ Rates of other Hollywood-by-the-Sea hotels under the same management are as follows: Hollywood Hills Inn: $8 a day for one in/C^cA room; $12.50 for two (American PlanK Par\ View Hotel: $8 a day for one^in a room; $12.50 for two (Americans-Plan) Great Southern: $1.50 to $3 a day/fop one in a room; $4.50 to $6 for two (Earipean Plan) ^'HOLLYWOOD BY THE SEA' Holly w o o d9 Florida There is a truly delightful atmosphere about this beautiful hotel. Varied rec reations — dancing to the strains of a re nowned orchestra — musical recitals, song symphonies — motoring — tennis — horse back riding — fishing — canoeing— motcr The Chicagoan — Martin J. Quigley, Publisher and Editor; published fortnightly by The Chicagoan Publishing Co., 407 South Dearborn St., Chicago, 111. New York Office: 565 Fifth Ave. Los Angeles Office: 5617 Hollywood Blvd. Subscription $3.00 annually, single copies 15c. Vol. IV, No. 11 — For the Fortnight ending February 25. (On Sale February 11.) Entered as second-class matter at the Post Office at Chicago 111 under the act of March 3, 1879. TUECUICAGOAN REVELL'S SEMIANNUAL SALE offers— LIVING ROOM SUITE Two-piece suite including sofa and chair, upholstered in genuine Mohair with frieze reversible cushions. Attractively carved frame of solid mahogany. Two pieces, special — £239.00 Beautiful Pull-up Chair to match....$48.00 LONG ORIENTAL HALL RUGS £47.50 Smart patterns suitable for hall and stairs - — lovely heavy long nap in silky soft tones. Range in size — 9, 10, 12, 13 feet in length and 3.3 to 4 feet wide. PERSIAN MOSSOUL RUGS £42.50 Rich, beautiful designs in these excep tionally fine and durable rugs. Average size 3 feet 6 inches wide and 6 feet long. SCOTCH NET CURTAINS £5 Per Pair Dainty shadow and filet net in ecru and ivory, suitable for practically every win dow. Values to $7.50, now '$5.00 a pair. WORTH SEEING AT REVELL'S at WABASH and ADAMS 2 TUECUICAGOAN Intimate Chicago Views Board Members of the Saddle and Cycle Club Report for Meeting TUECUICAGOAN 3 OCCASION CHICAGO SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA —The thirty-seventh season. Regularly Friday (matinee) Saturday (evening). For mid-week programs call Harrison 0362. CHICAGO CIVIC OPERA— On tour. To resume the Chicago season April 3. BIRTHDAY — February 12 given over to honoring the nativity of Abraham Lin coln. A holiday. SAINT'S DAY— February 14, in memory of St. Valentine. BIRTHDAY— February 22, honoring the nativity of George Washington. A holi day. AUDIT— February 29. The insertion of one day in the year to balance the petty time account of the universe. LOCAL HOLIDAY— Feb. 25— The next issue of The Chicagoan arrives, by mail to contented subscribers and via the bet ter news stands to the general public. SPORTS INDOOR TENNIS TOURNAMENT— Rainbo Fronton, Lawrence avenue and Clark street. (Page 27.) BASKET BALL— Chicago vs. Michigan at Ann Arbor and Northwestern vs. Iowa at Evanston Feb. 13; Chicago vs. Illinois at Chicago Feb. 17; Northwestern vs. Minnesota at Minneapolis Feb. 18; Chi cago vs. Minnesota at Minneapolis Feb. 22; Northwestern vs. Michigan at Ann Arbor Feb. 25. HOCKEY— Coliseum. Blackhawks vs. Ot tawa Feb. 22; Blackhawks vs. New York Feb. 25. JAI ALAI — Rainbo Fronton, Lawrence ave nue and Clark street, nightly at 8:15. No "encouragement" tickets Sunday. BASEBALL — Pitchers and catchers of Chi cago Cubs leave for California Feb. 12, Dearborn station. Main squad leaves Feb. 25. 1KDOOR TRACK MEET— Notre Dame vs. Illinois at Champaign Feb. 19. AMATEUR BOXIHG TOURN.EY— Ash land boulevard auditorium Feb. 27, 28 and 29. STAGE Musical Comedy JUST FANCY— Olympic, 74 West Ran dolph. Central 8240. A sparkling thing with a whole galaxy of stars, it should enjoy a long and prosperous run in this town. Ray Hitchcock is immensely funny. Better see, and hear, it. Cur tain, evenings 8:20. Wed. and Sat. 2:20. PEGGY- ANN— Selwyn, 180 North Dear born. Central 3404. Helen Ford and Lulu McConnell in a hectic and modern istic stage piece which is happily differ ent, gay and frolicsome. Reviewed lov ingly on page 19. Curtain 8:20. Wed. and Sat. 2:20. EARL CARROLL'S VANITIES— 65 East Jackson. Harrison 6510. A sixth and raucous version with Moran and Mack and Johnny Dooley. Also reviewed on page 19. Evenings 8:30. Sat. and Wed. 2:30. A NIGHT IN SPAIN— Four Cohans, 119 North Clark. Loud also, and vigorous stuff. A dance by the Gertrude Hoffman girls is done in the gland manner. Still filling the house. Evenings 8:20. Sat. and Wed. 2:30. HIT THE DECK— Woods, 54 West Ran dolph. State 8567. Last, not least, of the salty shows of this town. A broad, merry evening with Queenie Smith and Trixie Friganza. Mightily diverting, too. Curtain up at 8:30. Sat. and Wed. 2:30. CRISS CROSS— 127 North Clark. State 2461. An extravaganza featuring the Stones, Fred and Dorothy. Clean and merry, agile and colorful. The libretto is not what it should be. Evenings 8:15. Sat. and Wed. 2:15. THE DESERT SONG— Great Northern, 21 Quincy. Central 8240. An endur ing piece, splendidly sung by 100 voices. Sigmund Romberg's moving lyrics and a swashbuckling romantic yarn. By all means. Evenings 8:15. Sat. and Wed. 2:15. Drama THE CONSTANT WIFE— Harris, 170 North Dearborn. Central 1880. Ethel Barrymore in propaganda for the single standard as urged by Somerset Maugham in a well knit and convincing play, alas, with a dubiously moral outlook. Don't miss it. Evenings 8:20; Wed. and Sat. 2:20. HER CARDBOARD LOVER— Adelphi, 11 North Clark. Randolph 4466. Jeanne Eagles in a consummately acted role. Reviewed with high favor on page 19. Evenings 8:20. Sat. and Wed. 2:30. TWO GIRLS WANTED— Princess, 319 South Clark. Central 8240. Thence removed from The Cort show house, this clean comedy of the working girl con tinues in a very fair business. Nice stuff. 8:30; Wed. and Sat. 2:30. WOODEN KIMONO— Cort, 132 North Dearborn. Central 0019. Forecast as a curdling mystery play with a long New York run to commend it, this piece will be assayed later. BEHOLD THIS DREAMER— Blackstone, 60 East Seventh. Harrison 6609. A drama of aspiration which reaches its high points after some pretty flat stretches. But well worth hearing. Eve nings 8:20. Wed. and Sat. 2:30. THE SILVER CORD— 418 South Michi gan. Harrison 2792. Once a theatre guild hit, and here after a successful New York run still starring Laura Hope Crews and Elizabeth Risdon, this comedy drama will be reviewed in an early issue. THE WILD DUCK— Goodman Art Thea tre, Lakefront at Monroe. Central 7085. Ibsen's play at the hands of the earnest Goodman players. To be reviewed. Un doubtedly worth seeing. THE KONGO— Minturn Central, 64 East Van Buren. Harrison 5800. A tropical evening with the passions panting out loud. Evenings 8:20. Wed. and Sat. 2:30. MINTURN PLAYERS— Chateau, Broad way at Grace. Lakeview 7170. Com petent stock showings of last year's hits. Telephone the box office for timelier in formation. CINEMA ERLANGER— 127 N. Clark— Cecil B. De- Mille's The King of Kings, H. B. Warner portraying Him. Feb. 12 and twice daily thereafter. Go. GARRICK— 64 W. Randolph— Al Jolson, visible and audible twice daily, as The Jazz Singer. See and hear. UNITED ARTISTS— Randolph at Dear- horn — Douglas Fairbanks as The Gaucho, a great movie, until Feb. 17, then the long lost Charlie Chaplin in The Cir cus. All-celluloid entertainment and all worthwhile. McVICKERS— 25 W. Madison— Ramon Novarro a mute but eloquent Student Prince with an off-stage chorus lilting the imperishable steinsongs. Attend. ROOSEVELT— 110 N. State— Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Anita Loos, non-film es say boomeranging, under excellent exhi bition circumstances. Continuous. No acts. PLAYHOUSE— 410 S. Michigan— Cyrano De Bergerac, produced in France and tinted, until Feb. 17, then Greed, an ex cellent Von Stroheim effort if shown in full length. 4 TUECUICAGOAN TABLES BLACKSTONE HOTEL— 656 South Michigan. Harrison 4300. A high standard of commercial hospitality for a generation. One of the very best. Irv ing Margraff's stringed quintet. Head- waiter, the able August Dittrich. STEVENS— 730 South Michigan. Wabash 4400. Immense, new, busy, and yet nicely adjusted to individual attention. Gallechio's band. An excellent $3 din ner. And Stalder is headwaiter. CONGRESS— Congress at Michigan. Har rison 3800. A show place, wise, gay and glittering. Johnny Hemp's suave band in the Balloon room where Ray Barrec sees to the tables. Peacock alley as usual. PALMER HOUSE— State at Monroe. Randolph 7500. A new, pleasant inn made melodious by the Palmer House Symphony Orchestra. Notable dining under the eye of M. Mutchler. PETRUSHKA CLUB— 403 South Wa bash. Wabash 2479. Smart, resolutely Russian, and mightily entertaining with distinguished company at the tables. Kinsky is chief servitor. Music, floor- show, dancing. CLUB MIRADOR— 22 East Adams. Dear born 4683. A sprightly night place, now and then frequented by eminent gambol- eers. And Helen, gracious model for all club hostesses. Johnny Itta is all night chief of waiters. COLLEGE INN— Hotel Sherman. Frank lin 2100. Good dancing, good service, good people. Brown, the head-waiter. BAL TABARIN— Also Hotel Sherman. Floor-show, dining, dancing and so on with the people whose names are news. A conventionally merry club and an ex cellent place to hold forth after bed-time. Dick Reed is head-waiter. A BIT OF SWEDEN— 1011 Rush. A very Nordic eating parlor frequented by nice people, and serving food of a qual ity which explains why ten thousand Swedes rushed through the weeds, pre sumably toward a kitchen. ST. HUBERT'S OLD ENGLISH GRILL —316 Federal. Wabash 0770. The winsome victuals of Albion most splen didly served up. A citadel for the good LAKESHORE DRIVE HOTEL — 181 Lakeshore Drive. Superior 8500. An exclusive hostelery patronized by ex tremely solvent Gold Coasters. Suave, polished, wealthy, wise. One of the very best. John Birgh is chief waiter. THE DRAKE HOTEL— Michigan Avenue and Lakeshore Drive. Superior 2200. Largest of the class inns, genial, smart, and popular. Dancing to the polished melodies of Bobby Meeker. Eating under the attentive eye of Peter Ferris. L'AIGLON— 22 East Ontario. Delaware 1909. Teddy Majerus presides over guests of this affable eating place in new, dandy quarters. Open until 1 a. m. Private dining rooms. Notable food. THE CHICAGOAN PRESENTS February 12, by Aladjalov Cover Intimate Chicago Views, by Burton Browne Page 2 Current Entertainment 3 Yours Very Truly 4 Topics of the Town, by Martin J. Quigley 5 Do You Know Your Chicago?, by Hermina A. Selz 6 Warfare Comique 7 If I May Say So, by Gene Markey. . . 8 How Are Your Climbing Chances? by Arthur Meeker, Jr 9 Hyde Park the First Stop, by Ruth G. Bergman 1 1 Life on the Lake Front 12 Rhapsodie Pathetique, by Samuel Putnam 13 Dearborn Dream Book, Third Edition 14 Aristocrat of Rough Games, by Charles Collins 15 On the Ball 16 Mabel Reinicke, by Genevieve Forbes- Herrick 17 Julius Tannen, by Carreno 18 The Stage, by Charles Collins 19 A Tip for Motorists 20 The Cinema, by W. R. Weaver 21 Books, by Susan Wilbur 22 Journalistic Journeys, by Meyer Levin 23 Sports Review, by Joseph U. Dugan. . 24 Musical Notes, by Robert Pollak. ... 25 The Civilized Interests, by Chica goan Writers 26 Learn While You Lunch 27 Newsprint, by Ezra 30 Art, by Ulysses Jones 31 MARINE DINING ROOM— Edgewater Beach Hotel. Longbeach 6000. A quietly gay parlor, eminently respectable, and frequented by nice people. Gus Ed ward's orchestra. Vince Laczko over the waiters. Stirring music. Good dancing. Good place. THE APEX CLUB— 3 5th and Calumet. A hoity-toity black and tan now and then favored by bicge intellectuals. THE REX— State at 22nd. Militantly Nordic, hard and happy. Worth a try. KELLY'S STABLES— Rush at Austin. Delaware 2141. A show place. An ear- splitting clamor all night. Harmless, in formal, cheap, and loud. Johnny Akeley is the waiter. JIM IRELAND'S OYSTER HOUSE— 632 North Clark. Delaware 4144. A brilli ant exposition of what a good cook can do with fish if he sets his talent to them. Great eating. CAPOLA RESTAURANT— 5232 Lake- park Avenue. Hydepark 4646. It may be a prejudice, but we like Italian dishes cheerfully served up here. TIP TOP INN— 206 S. Mich. Wab. 1088 — Windows give out upon Lindbergh Lane and, on a clear day, Michigan. Food and service in key. ART ART INSTITUTE— The sharp, Gallic lithographs of Tolouse-Lautrec wise in his Bohemian Paris, of the Glore collec tion. The Horace M. Swope chiaroscuro prints. Japanese art, the Mosle collec tion. Thirty-second annual showing of pieces by artists of the Chicago area. And the eighteenth annual international exhibit sponsored by the Chicago Society of Etchers. ARTS CLUB OF CHICAGO— Sculpture by Jacob Epstein. Decorative works by Julius Moessel. ACKERMANN'S— English color prints and etchings. Water-color and pastel drawings by Leonard Richmond. ALMCO GALLERIES— The art and craft of the lamp maker in great profusion. ANDERSON'S — Paintings and drawings by Everett Shinn. Old and new masters. CHICAGO GALLERIES ASSOCIATION — Paintings by Adolph Heinze. Sculp ture by Brcin. INDIAN TRADING POST— Blankets, silver, copper, pottery and Indian handi work. CHESTER JOHHSOH GALLERIES — Dutch and English portraits (old) French moderns (new). ALBERT ROULLIER GALLERIES — A comprehensive showing of modern work: Brancusi, Piccaso, Barque, Marie Laur- encin, Storrs, Utrillo, Survage, Perdriat, Beaufrere. An important and excellent showing. HOOSIER SALON— Forth annual show ing of the works of Indiana artists at the Marshall Field Galleries. Interesting. _ _ I4ICAG0AN nbpicf of the ^Tboon T Press Fredoom HE tenet concerning the freedom of the press seems subject to fantastic interpretation in various of the news paper offices. There is, for instance, an incident of recent note in which an at torney, engaged by a lady in matri monial distress, sought to protect his client from photographic ravishment. The barrister with his fair client upon his arm sought exit from the hall of justice where the cause for action had been under judicial consideration. Passing through a corridor a phalanx of newspaper photographers were encountered. The prospective divorcee, not being numbered among that class of ladies in dis tress who enjoy having their portraits used as il lustrations for mawkish newspaper stories, ap pealed to her counsellor for protection. Having no choice in the matter — whether he cared to exercise one or not — the attorney placed his hat as a shield over the count enance of his client and the photograph boys were compelled to report failure to their palpitating offices. But the incident did not end there. The freedom of the press had been out raged. Some action must be taken and the action decided upon was a bul letin displayed promi nently in the press rooms in which a publicity price was placed upon the head of the offending attorney. All reporters were warned to take careful note that in a critical moment he had failed the newspapers in affording suitable cooperation and henceforth his name is to adorn the blacklist. Picture Chasing p 1 ICTURE chasing, recollections of which are afforded by the above item, comprises one of the blackest spots in the record of deportment of American newspapers. The "go out and get it or don't come back" type of city editor has made the February business of picture chasing a practice that should render uneasy in their cof fins the bodies of Horace Greeley and Charles A. Dana. All the devices of stealth and burglary, which otherwise not infrequently lead to penal servi tude, have been employed. Misrepre sentation and imposturing are aids that have often been employed in furthering the practice. Yet the law prohibits the publication of personal photographs without consent . . . Freedom of the press does indeed cover a multitude of things. Twenty-two Blanks A FEATURE of Mr. InsulFs new opera house which has not yet vented its full shock of surprise upon interested parties is the fact the new audito rium provides for a reduc tion in the number of boxes from fifty-eight to thirty-six. By only slight computation it is there fore revealed that twenty- two of the box holders in the old Auditorium will be compelled to descend from their former posi tions of social vantage and take their opera from or chestral chairs. Just how this curtailment in the list of box holders is going to be effected would seem to present to Mr. Insull a problem which may linger in his memory long after the other and compara tively easier problems in volved in the building of this $15,000,000 structure have been forgotten. 6 TUfCUICAGOAN T WW trefess D amn Do You Know — HE sweep of the reform wave has reached the Western Union Telegraph Company. In the cause of a better and cleaner land the telegraph company has introduced a censorship — not too dras tic indeed, but still a censorship. A message was recently tendered to the telegraph company in which the in tended recipient was to be informed that in the light of certain eventualities the sender was not to be considered "a damn fool." The cheek of the tele graph company promptly flushed a deep crimson and it was compelled to pro ceed to action. The matter involved was, of course, too indelicate for handling by a lady, so a masculine employe was sent for and entrusted with the task of en lightening the sender to the effect that the rules forbade the transmission of the word, "damn." The point was yielded that the sender of the message, now grown not a little annoyed with the telegraph company, might in fact under certain eventualities be a "damn fool," but nevertheless the company in consideration of the public welfare would not transmit the word, "damn" over their wires. So, it may now be noted, complaints to the telegraph company should be sent by letter or telephone. If they should be offered for transmission by telegraph it is practically certain that the complainant's true feeling would forever remain unknown to the com pany. A Caj> That Fit Q fcJOME time ago a veteran Chicago lawyer was suggested jokingly for a position on a judicial ticket that the electorate was soon to take under con sideration. The mirthful aspect of the suggestion had its genesis in the fact that this particular veteran Chicago lawyer had -long been an ardent aspirant for a place on the bench, yet his aspiration had been unable to con quer a pressing thirst for strong drink. To the surprise of many, the sug gestion was quickly acted upon and presently the prospective wearer of the ermine had a campaign under full steam ahead. Two picturesque City Hall hangers-on came forward as Committee in Charge. In the mysterious ways of politics the campaign went forward, meanwhile furnishing some irreverent amusement for persons who had been s«cv Where is this printeryf familiar with the career of the veteran lawyer. Eventually election day was reached and our veteran was carried into office. The following day the Committee in Charge, bubbling with pride of achievement, went to our veteran's office to take him on a triumphal tour of the City Hall. As they were leaving the office they noticed that His Honor's hat was a pitifully dilapidated article, so as a preamble to the tri umphal tour they led him to Field's, where they placed upon his head a — this gleaming gallery .< covering in keeping with the newly- voted dignity. Shortly after assuming office a shoplifter was brought before His Honor. Just before the case was reached one of the members of the Committee in Charge rushed pantingly into the courtroom and signalled the judge into chambers for an interview. The committeeman explained that he had just been "spoken to" about the shoplifter — and judicial clemency was invited. But his honor stiffened up brusquely What lies beyond this takeoff- TUtCUICAGOAN 7 — Your Chicago? ¦ — this court of chancel ¦ — he hated shoplifters — menace to the community — despicable criminals — must protect the public under his oath of office. The committeeman argued heatedly. The judge remained firm. Finally the committeeman played his big card. Lifting the judge's hat from a costumer he shook it before the ju dicial countenance. "Who d'ya think paid for this hat?" he asked. "We didn't; you just put it on and walked out and we followed ya." The shoplifter was dismissed. -this abode of authority? Wi Warf, are Uomique E trust we are not presump tuous in hoping that, as a' result of some one of these several declarations of war to extermination of Official Chicago against the gangsters, these same undesirable local residents will at least have their wings clipped. The gangsters can hardly be ex pected to take seriously these declara tions of war; they have seen too many of them sputter and die out. These gangster activities in Chicago would not even rate as a minor prob lem in local criminology if they were but once seriously and determinedly at tacked. But the distressing fact in trudes into the picture that many of our lesser political moguls are not averse to lending a kindly ear to the tribulations of the gangster in distress, for what reason we shall not inquire. A little serious gang-busting in Chicago would make the toots of the Big Horn sound much sweeter. T service from this gracious lobby? HE tender solicitation of organ ised labor is now being extended to contemplate the welfare of household servants through the House Maids and Butlers Union of 809 West Madison street. Preliminary sorties of delegates who have walked in, uninvited, to various Chicago homes have not yet succeeded in decorating butlers' shirt- fronts with union buttons but now that this class of workers has come within the survey of labor organisers the pe rennial question of household service may be headed toward new complica' tions. Simply on the theory that when things that are bad get worse a recovery to normal or a complete debacle are the only possible developments, this in' trusion of organised labor into the household service question may be a very good thing indeed. Household service in the United States has just about hit the ultimate minimum in satisfaction to employers. The current wage scale reflects the prosperity of America but is decidedly out of tune with the value, expertness and importance of the services rend ered. Persons in the United States who are not even qualified to discharge sat isfactorily the duties of household serv ice regard the work merely as a tem porary occupation out of which they expect to step at the first provocation or opportunity. The deplorable status of household service in this country has imposed an undesirable change in the mode of liv ing of people of means. It has been one of the chief factors in retarding or disrupting home life in the United States. Let the union be welcome; if it af fects any change it will have to be for the better. —MARTIN J. QUIGLEY. TUECUICAGQAN IF I MAY /AY /O That Reminds Me of a Story \Liaughter~\ THE other day in New York I received an invitation to luncheon at the famed Round Table of the Hotel Algonquin. And, if I may say so, I began laughing the minute I opened the handsomely engraved invitation, for the Round Table is celebrated in all languages, including the Scandinavian, for its wit. The members are beyond question the supreme wags of present- day New York, recruited from all walks of life — even the Boardwalk of Atlantic City. They are playwriters, column conductors and motormen, critics, poets, theatrical producers, story-writers, etc. The full-fledged Round Tablers are designated as Wits, and the younger members, demi-wits, which of course does not mean the same as it would in English. On my way to the Rose Room of the Algonquin, where the Round Table is Exhibit A in a salon full of browsing celebrities, I chuckled heartily to my self. "This," I said to myself (there being no one about to confide in) "is going to be good!" A merry crowd was gathered at the Round Table, and the laughter sounded gay and gusty. I hastened eagerly to the vacant place beside my host, Mr. Alexander Woollcott, who is known as the World's greatest dra matic critic. Heywood Broun, the "grand old man" of column con ducting, was there; George Kauffman and Marc Connolley, the fellows who write those funny plays; Robert Benchley, dramatic critic I saw you Mr. Kauff- of Life; Donald Ogden Stewart, the comic writer; Harold Ross, editor of The T^ew Yorker, a magazine pub lished weekly for the out-of-town trade; Charles Brackett, dramatic critic of The ?<[ew Tor\er, author of "Week-End" and other works (com plete list of names on request) ; John V. A. Weaver, poet and lecturer, and Brock Pemberton, the play producer. Already the joking had begun, and I regretted that by arriving late I had missed some of it, but I was determined not to miss any more, and under the table-cloth I unlimbercd the faithful note-book and pencil. "Who was the lady walking with yesterday?" man asked Mr. Connolley. "That wasn't a lady," replied Mr. Connolley, with a perfectly straight face, "that was my wife!" Everybody at the Round Table roared with laughter. "That reminds me of a little story," said the poet and lecturer, Mr. Weaver. "It seems there were two Irishmen, Pat and Mike — " At once the crowd leaned forward expectantly. "On their first day in New York," continued Mr. Weaver, "as they stood on a corner — I think it was the corner of Sixth Avenue and Forty-third — no, Forty- fourth — well, anyway, the exact corner doesn't matter — but as they stood there, a fire en- Life's Little Complexities The dignified dicker for a collar button at Finchley's gine clanged past, belching smoke and live coals. Pat and Mike stared after it in wonderment. No, I've got it wrong. Pat was standing on the cor ner, and Mi7(e was supposed to meet him there. A minute later another fire engine roared past — then another. Just at that moment Mike, the other Irishman, appeared. "Hurry up, Mike,' called Pat. 'Begorra, they're movin' hell, an' three loads have gone by already!' " The Round Table was convulsed with laughter. u\ A /ELL," said Mr. Woollcott, V V wiping the tears from his eyes, "I do love a good Irish story." "Hey, hey!" said Mr. Heywood Broun, and he said it so comically that everybody laughed again. "Have you seen 'Mutt and Jeff' in today's paper?" Mr. Brackett asked. "It's a scream. Jeff sells Mutt a gold brick, but of course Mutt doesn't know- it's Jeff, because Jeff has on false whiskers. When Mutt finds out he throws the brick at Jeff, and the last picture shows the brick hitting Jeff with a great big Tow!' ' The crowd shook with laughter. " 'Mutt and Jeff are my favorite humorous pictures," said Mr. Brackett. "I always turn to them first when I pick up the paper." "I like 'Bringing Up Father' best," replied Donald Ogden Stewart. "The antics that old fellow goes through!" The talk then centered about comic- strips, and some extremely funny things were said, but so quickly that I couldn't catch them all for my note-book. "What's the most famous comic-strip in history?" asked Mr. Benchley. I knew there must be a catch to it, for his eyes were twinkling roguishly, and in spite of himself he began to laugh. "The most famous comic-strip in his tory?" someone repeated. "We give up." BY this time Mr. Benchley was laughing so hard he could scarcely speak. "Lady Godiva!" he gasped. And we all howled with laughter. It was several minutes before you could hear yourself. "Order! Order!" shouted Mr. Woollcott, pounding on the table. "I'll take a ham sandwich," said Mr. Ross. Again the room echoed with our un controlled mirth. As coffee was served I produced a TUECUICAGOAN Chicagomen MR. FRANK BERING Wins First Prize in a Beauty Contest Test Your Climbing Chances A Questionnaire for the Socially Ambitious box of cigars, thinking that, as I had contributed no epigrams to the lunch eon, the least I could do would be to offer some cigars, just as I do at the Rotary club. "Will you have a cigar?" I asked Brock Pemberton. "Thanks," he answered, taking one. "I suppose we might better smoke here than hereafter!" "Hey, hey!" laughed Mr. Broun. And once more we all "guffawed." I don't know when I've had such a good laugh as I had that day with the wits of the Algonquin Round Table. —GENE MARKEY. Illustrating his lecture with stereopticon slides and motion-pictures, Dr. Roy Chap man Andrews, Gobi Desert explorer, yester day showed an audience of 400 at the Long Beach Ebell Club just how he and members of his staff dug out dinosaur eggs 10,000,- 000,000 years ago. — The Columbia Univer' sity Daily. Methuselah's only rival. ? "Most of my real friends live in Moun tain Lakes, N. J. I received a letter from there today, saying that nine-tenths of the town are for me. They want me to come back there to live, and they say they will blow the fire whistle if I come back." — Indianapolis J^ews. A hot mamma. CLIMBING is a fine art. It requires equal parts of initiative, courage, and technical skill. My hat is off to any one who is able to make the top of the ladder, even though I know they're lia ble to be disappointed at what they find when they get there. Society, alas, is glamorous only to those who aren't in it. However, as no amount of saying so will convince the other nine-tenths of this truth, I submit herewith for their approval a questionnaire which should enable them to find out beforehand their chances of ultimate triumph. It has always seemed to me that the etiquette books are singu larly inadequate in this respect. They offer un limited suggestions as how to act once you in society, together with a few broad directions to be followed if you want to get into it. But when it comes to discovering your innate fit ness or unfit ness for the bursting but terfly role, they are as silent as the tomb. Yet this seems to me ever and ever so much more important. What's the use of starting at all if you know you can't win? On the other hand, if you grade one hundred per cent, why suffer because you weren't on the recep tion committee for Queen Marie? There will be other committees — and other queens. The future is yours, if you have the strength of mind to wait for it. Alles-oop! Passing mark, I might add, for this searching examination should be about seventy-five per cent, counting as ten each thoroughly satisfactory answer. 1. Who was (A) Your father? (B) Your grandfather? [If you know the answer to (A), you are by all means eligible for elec tion to Chicago's four hundred. If you know the answer to (B) , you are prob ably in already and simply don't know it.] 2. Where do you live? [The only really satisfactory answer to this is on the Gold Coast, — that is, somewhere in the rectangle whose boundaries are North and Chicago Avenues, Dearborn Street, and the Lake Shore Drive. However, you may, if you like, live south of this line, pro vided you don't cross the river and have decorated your house a la Mrs. John Alden Carpenter. You may also live slightly north of it, as long as you own at any rate two limousines and can give conclusive proof that you never had anything to do with ward politics.} 3. Where do most of your friends live? Give names and addresses. [This is a most important question, and you will be considered as having an swered it suc cessfully only on condition that at least three - fourths of these ad dresses fall in the above men tioned arrondissement. I once heard a man describe an ac- "*m!|_ quaintance of his as "very Bohemian," because he knew people in Kenwood. If, however5/ you know more than four on the West side, — your bootlegger excluded — there's no use in going on with this test, for you will never arrive.] 4. Have you ever run a shop? [If you are a man, you need not reply to this question. If you are a woman, the answer must, I think, be yes. Nothing is so definitely fetching as the spectacle of a society lady in business "just for the fun of it." It doesn't make a scrap of difference what sort of business it is. You may be an interior decorator, — which is, on the whole, the most alluring — or you may run a book store or a florist shop, or even sell lampshades in an Oak Street basement, surrounded by haggard as sistants in smocks. If by any chance you've not done any of these things, you really ought to furnish satisfactory 10 TUECUICAGOAN evidence to the effect that your drawing room has at least one Empire sofa and a Louis Quinse chandelier (the latter of which is referred to as "that en chanting old lustre'") . But of course if you do refer to it as an enchanting old lustre, you'll be running a shop even tually, anyhow!} 5. (A) Did you ever arrive at the Auditorium in time to hear "Celeste Aida"? (Reply should be negative.) (B) Name and give a FAIRLY CONSECUTIVE ACCOUNT OF THE PLOTS OF ANY THREE OPERAS EXCLU SIVE of "Thais," "Salome," and "Aphrodite" — which of course you've read anyway. (C) Do you KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Bolm and Bortch? Between bortch and blinis? between Blinis and Bolm? [This is a very difficult ques tion, and comprises all you will ever need to know about Rus sia.] (D) Describe and at the ' '"'¦*•¦"-¦> SAME TIME INDICATE PRONUNCI ATION of any five out of the FOLLOWING SEVEN : — Onwent- sia, Chiaroscuro,, Jai-alai, Mezza voce, Chez Pierre, Bernard Boutet de Monvel, and Goethe Street. 6. What out of town clubs do you belong to? [Name at least four, if possible. Of course, I take it for granted you belong to those at home, too. But Chicago clubs bear the same relation to eastern ones as domestic caviare does to the im ported article. There is a subtle exotic charm in that row of mysterious unpro nounceable hieroglyphics after your name as it appears in the Social Reg ister. What fun for all the world to realise that you are Mr. and Mrs. Gay- lord Gookins (nee Nettie C. Wincher) — Spb, Rgb, Xnl, Gug, Mrn, Zsn, and Btsf! Oh, by all means, at least four?!] 7. Do you play contract bridge? [If answer be not affirmative, disre gard what follows.] (B) Then do you LIVE IN THE SUB URBS? [Answer must be affirmative. ] What do you know about horses? [State everything, of course. However, in these degenerate days, you may allow yourself the full ten as long as you invari ably wear evening dress to the Riding Club, and possess a stock supply of sapient remarks, such as, "What nice hock action!" or, "Did you ever see such withers?"] 9. DO YOU WORK ON CHARITY COM MITTEES? IF SO, STATE WHY. [This, also, is extremely important, and is the best possible test of your social acumen. For more than half the women who work on such committees do so on account of the other half. If you intend to get anywhere at all, you must learn to tell distinguished causes from merely deserving ones. And if you think, as all too many do, that kind hearts are more than coronets, and that you can accomplish as much good by helping poor people you meet as you go along as by joining the Societe des Amis dAbyssinie (under the pat ronage of Her Grace the Duchess of Spongeshirc) why, I'm sorry for you, that's all.] 10. Do YOU COME FROM SOME WHERE ELSE? [This may seem beside the point, but as a matter of fact it is the crux of the whole business. If by any stretch of the imagination you can state that you were born in Brasil, or that your mother was a Woggleswood of Boston, you can muff the rest of the questions as badly as you like, and still — Chicago, myself very likely included, will be at your feet.] — ARTHUR MEEKER, JR. Miss Eva Budget Sistcrn, who recently brought suit against Larry Aches Pitney to establish the legitimacy of her two-year-old pomeranian, plans to withdraw the suit.- — - The Aledo (III.) Democrat. An affair of honor. The bridge party to be given by the D. N. A. at Somers next Thursday promises to be a success. Transportation will be pro vided for those unable to go if they will notify Mrs. E. A. Arnold. — Kathonac (N- T.) Record. There's a way out of every difficulty. TUbCUICAGOAN n H YDEPARK is a curious place. One of its most curious fea tures is that no body knows ex actly where it is. Persons generally agree that its ex treme eastern limit is Lake Michigan; but on the other three sides it is bound ed by doubt. Even its famous natural boundary is subject to change without notice, for when the South Park Commissioners feel a little cramped they say: "Ho, hum, let's make some more land." And pres ently the sandsuckers and dump trucks are at work on the lake front and the big hole which the ice fields took cen turies to gouge out in the Glacial Pe riod (it was their life work) is being ruthlessly filled in by man. Sic transit gloria glaciorum. But the lake's loss is Hyde Park's gain. If the filling-in continues at the present rate it will not be long before Hyde Park suddenly collides with Indiana. Originally, about the year 1867, Hyde Park was a municipal corporation extending from the Chicago city limits (at Thirty-eight Street) to the present One Hundred Thirty-eighth Street and from State Street to the lake and the Indiana State line. Within its confines were about twenty- three hamlets in cluding Oakland, Kenwood, Wood- lawn, Grand Crossing, South Chicago and Pull man. After its annexation to Chicago near the end of the last century Hyde Park dwindled in sise and increased enormously in population. No longer does it in- Hyde Park the First Stop A Study in South-Side Stability SEDATE drexel BOULEVARD IN THE LATE 80'S elude Roseland and Riverdale and twenty-one other hamlets, but any one of its twenty-one major hotels has a greater number of inhabitants than there were in the most thriving of the old settlements and contains nearly as many square feet. One spot which is definitely and ir refutably Hyde Park, if only by the force of repetition by the conductors who sing out the name, is the Fifty- third Street station of the Illinois Cen tral. That was Hyde Park in the days when the station was a little platform set out in the prairie, bordered by trees and wildflowers and commanding an unobstructed view of the great open spaces. Today the only open spaces GRAND BOULEVARD (FROM AN OLD PRINT OWNED BY THE CHICAGO HISTORICAL SOCIETY) are the breaks be tween the letters in the electric signs which clus' ter around the station. The for' est primeval has been superseded by semaphores and the network of wires 'apper taining to the electrified I. C. The only wild- flowers are care fully cultivated in Jackson Park. Nevertheless, Fifty -third -and - the-tracks is Hyde Park. You may walk for some blocks in any di' rection and still be in Hyde Park; but when hotels become somewhat sparse and food shops grow less luxuri antly you are entering the outskirts. Some say that Hyde Park is only a name. Neither the city map depart ment nor the Chicago Historical Soci' ety will undertake to bound it. Indi viduals differ as to its limits. Only the Hyde Par\ Herald comes out bravely and draws it on the map. The Hyde Par\ Herald ought to know, since it is the publication that treats of the people of Hyde Park and with its ad vertisers. To the Herald, then, and to us, Hyde Park is the district lying be tween Cottage Grove Avenue and the lake, Forty-third and Sixty-third Streets. ITS chief im ports are auto mobiles and per' sons to live in its skyscrapers. Its chief exports are bakery products; and its chief in dustries are hotel keeping, golf, bridge and child study. That Hyde Park is a summer resort is attested by its nomenclature. In the matter of he tels, for example, there is a Chicago 12 TUtCUICAGOAN Beach, a Beach View, East View Park, Park View Beach, East End Park, Park Shore, Shoreland, Jackson Shore and Harper Surf. Just hang your clothes in "your hotel room and walk a few blocks to the water. Until Chicago is made safe for his torians Hyde Park's past can be con sidered only briefly, because it has in it much that is incriminating. Fortu nately, the name is not an echo of London's Hyde Park but was given to this district to commemorate a village on the Hudson near New York city. However, this fact has not been gen erally recognised, and under the sad misapprehension that this is a British Hyde Park many names have been at tached to it suggestive of King George's home town, vide, Piccadilly, Mayfair, Windermere, Blackstone, Cecil, Ox ford, Tudor. There is not much lack ing except a Rotten Row, and that, judging by the odors sometimes wafted on a west wind, is located somewhere in the direction of the yards. THE first inhabitant of Hyde Park was Nathan Watson, who lived in magnificent isolation at a point near the corner of Park Avenue and Fifty-third Street — in a log shanty. Equally ex clusive but more elegant were the later settlers who built large and handsome houses. The marble palace (at Forty- third and Vincennes Avenue) in which Wilbur F. Storey ensconced his family was said to be unsurpassed in the United States. The first real estate development in Hyde Park was engi neered by Paul Cornell, whose name has subsequently been given to a street, a hotel, a pharmacy and other relics of greatness. Following Mr. Cornell and the Illinois Central, a number of prominent Chicagoans moved to this elegant suburb and others summered there after the fashionable Hyde Park House was opened in 1858. This was a large, frame building on the lake front at Fifty-third (then Oak) Street, which for a time housed Mrs. Abraham Linc oln, Robert and Tad. When the hotel burned down in 1877 and for some years thereafter, there was no place in Hyde Park where a hungry wayfarer could buy a meal except from the in frequent grocer who purveyed crackers and cheese. This is in striking contrast to present conditions. Today the denisens and transients of Hyde Park still eat crack ers and cheese, but the cheese, which is imported Camembert, is only the last "Yes, but the lake front will be catching up to us any week now." chord in the gastronomic symphonies presented in the Crystal, Louis XV, Venetian and other alluring hotel din ing rooms. For less formal meals there is a wide choice of drug stores, tea rooms and waffle shops. In addition to these ready-to-serve places there is still the humble grocery, though no longer so humble since the introduction of hot house grapes, avacado pears, artichokes and broccoli. More popular are the food shops where edibles are procurable in a less crude state by the fastidious tenants of hotel apartments. Here busi ness is most brisk in the late afternoon, when many a smartly dressed woman drops in on her way home from a bridge game or a matinee and staggers out under a load consisting of a can of sauer kraut juice for her own dinner and, for the man of the kitchenette, two slices of baked ham, half a pint of cold slaw, potato chips and an orange. BUT Hyde Park does not live for food alone. It has all the usual diversions down to and including foot ball and culture, for Hyde Park is a college town. If not all the inhabitants turn out for the University of Chicago concerts and public lectures, at least all of their children are underfoot to offer assistance in parking cars before the big games at Stagg Field. No avail able statistics give the number of quar ries pillaged to furnish stone for the university buildings; but at any rate they are known as the best neo-Oxford west of the British Isles. The university opened its doors at the present stand in 1892, overlooking what shortly became the World's Fair grounds. The World's Fair retaliated by overlooking the university; but he who laughed last had the largest ulti mate attendance. All that is mortal of the fair stands in semi-decay in Jack son Park, while the University is per petually in the process of building big ger and better laboratories for more and more Nobel prise winners. All of which proves that while Hyde Park, like the best of communities, welcomes a little nonsense now and then, its chief inter est is in the better things of life. Especially in the better automobiles, interior decorators, tailors and milliners. The typical Hyde Parker of today wears plus fours and golf stockings two or three days a week and a boutonniere and stick on Sunday. His wife and children are addicted to broadtail and raccoon set off by a neat little brougham or a sport roadster with a polyphonic horn. THE older inhabitants assert that Hyde Park is run down, which is only their way of saying that it is built up. A few years ago, when two sky scrapers blossomed out on Fifty-third Street, residents of the district stood in East End Park and gaped. "Doesn't it look metropolitan!" they said. Now there are so many tall hotels and apart ment houses that one can't see the me tropolis for all the buildings. Whether Hyde Park is run down or merely built up is purely an academic question of no interest to property holders. If exclu- siveness is based on population, Hyde Park is not the exclusive suburb it once was; if it is based on property values it is becoming positively esoteric. At any rate, Hyde Park's good name has never been dragged through the vaudeville jokester's patter. Perhaps that is because Cicero still occupies a bigger place in police annals. Plenty of crimes are committed in Hyde Park but for the most part they are not the kind for which men go to jail. If a Hyde Parker should chance to be arrested, however, he could find more than one neighbor to defend him and it is not at all unlikely that he would be tried by another neighbor, Michael Igoe, for example, and Judge Henry Horner. In case of illness, TUECUICAGOAN 13 Hyde Park is on the job with many physicians, one of the most famous of whom, Dr. Isaac Abt, was recently dec orated by the French government. The educational interests are ably served by President Max Mason and his doughty confederates at the University of Chi cago. Mary Hastings Bradley, big game hunter and writer, lives on Hyde Park Boulevard. Lorado Taft, famous sculptor, has his studio in the vicinity of the Midway. Andy Gump is not known to maintain a residence on the south side; but Hyde Park has its own philanthropist in Julius Rosenwald. Indeed, all professions are represented in the citisenry of Hyde Park including even that of professional csar, practiced by Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis. This, then, is Hyde Park, a district of pleasant streets bordered by trees and fringed with grass, where private residences have not wholly given way to apartment houses nor apartment houses to kitchenette apartment build ings, nor kitchenette apartments to co operatives, but where everybody is wondering whether this is a cycle or a progression. A district of park and lake breeses and the best transportation facilities in the city. A district com plete in itself, where southerners like to summer, where stores sell everything from pianos to chewing gum, and all the movies are open on Sunday. A district where one doesn't need to be descended from William the Conqueror to rent a house, but many of one's neighbors are. Where a man with two cars and a chauffeur may live next door to a poor wretch who rides on the bus; where English nursemaids crowd the sidewalks with their perambulators and many mothers roll their own. A dis trict where some go to church and some play golf; where rental libraries display Elinor Glyn side by side with Virginia Woolf and radios pour forth Bach and Berlin in equal volume. Where people live and die and trump each other's aces, and life goes on and on as life has a way of doing. Hyde Park. —RUTH G. BERGMAN. P.S. Since this monograph was writ ten, the Hyde Park Post Office Station has sent notices to persons whom it serves, requesting them to state the name of the station as well as their streets and house numbers when giv ing their addresses for mailing purposes. Perhaps the Post Office Department knows where Hyde Park is. — R. G. B. Pshapsodie Pathetique Temfio Ever So Slightly Doloroso I AM in a sentimental mood tonight. As I sit here, by a friendly log fire, in this old French village, where the grateful silence of day becomes, by night, an impinging entity, I am some what surprised to find myself thinking of the rumble and roar of Chicago's elevated, the incessant clang of the sur face-car, the belching of home-going crowds, the thunder of trucks and the clamorous dodging of taxis. It all seems so far away. Some time ago, I saw a new-art motion picture which had been photographed through burlap. It appears to me tonight that I am hearing the tumult that is Chicago's life through a similar distance-lending medium. As I told you, I am in a sentimental mood. It may be that I am as homesick for Chicago's noises as Mr. John V. A. Weaver is for its stenches. But I think not! No, my mood is, rather, that which one sometimes experiences with refer ence to a woman — a "not impossible she" — and Chicago, to me, has been such in the past. It is a mood in which 'They were astonished when I spoke French" one sees the lady quite clearly — one might say, with annihilating clarity — a mood in which one is conscious, even, of the faint growth of down at the up per left-hand corner of her mouth. It is in this manner that I see Chicago to night; and what, I ask you, more senti mental manner could there be of view ing a lady who has been — well, a "not impossible she"? DISTANCE, some one has so brightly remarked, lends enchant ment. With me, I have found, dis tance more frequently confers a none too flattering veridicality; and it is for the sake of the veracious touches that I have felt my mood might, possibly, be worth the chronicling. In the first place, as I look back upon her, Chicago, to me, grows physically more beautiful, every day, and spiritu ally more ugly. When I think of her velvet boulevards; when I think of that sea of lights in Grant Park which one encounters, coming in from the south, along the outer drive, at night; when I think of her Michigan Avenue skyline at dusk, a skyline that New York's can no more than rival; when I think of rain- lights upon the 'greenish back ward- flowing Chicago River — When I think of all these, I know that Chicago has been very, very possible in the past; and I know, also, that it would not be worth my while to look any where in Europe- — even in Paris and Vienna, Eu rope's two most beautiful women • — for a compet ing pulchritude of perishable body. It would not be worth my while to look, for I 14 TUECUICAGOAN should not find it. And yet, even as to physical beauty, I don't know — Chicago's beauty is hard and cold. It is that of the mondaine. She re minds me, no little, of the gilded poule de luxe. There is another beauty that I have come to know: the beauty of the Seine, with its bouquinistes and its quiet miracles of shade — a beauty I have found in the boulevard des Italiens and the boulevard Haussman, as well. When Chicago becomes aesthetically mature enough to refrain from cutting down a tree which insists upon growing in the middle of a sidewalk, there will begin to be hope for her. BUT there is another beauty, the lack of which is ugliness; and that is a beauty which Chicago does not possess. It is hard to define it, with out becoming unpleasantly metaphys ical. And yet, this is the beauty that counts, the one which has led some of us to forsake that sea of lights in Grant Park and that skyline at dusk. It is best adumbrated, perhaps, on the phys ical side, by those miracles of shade of which I have spoken. If it must be put into words, it is a certain grace and graciousness of life and living, which, conceivably, makes it possible for a poet to live in Paris, while it might be impossible for him to go on living in Chicago. When I think of the one or two poets in Chicago, of Mark Turbyfill, Jun Fujita and their increas ingly rare kind — when I think of what Chicago does to them, her poets, and Dearborn Dream Book THIRD EDITION // a T r o j a n b u s whelms down on you; if the Pure Oil Build ing behaves scandal ously, and if the cav erns of lower W acker Drive engulf you — no need to considt Dr. Freud. You've been chilled crossing the icy Chicago River. female hashslinger! A poet, or one who is not a poet, cannot carry a walkingstick in Chicago, unless he is ob viously crippled or forty, without being hooted by street hoodlums. And as to the Chicago business man's shutting up shop from twelve to two, in order that his employes, as well as himself, may make a leis urely rite of lunch — ! Jane Heap, back in the old Little Review days, I once described Chicago as a place where artists work on newspapers. But unfortunately, Chi cago's newspapers are not manned by artists. There would not be enough artists to provide each of the six dailies with a live specimen. When one thinks of it being possible for Chicago to lose her symphony — ! NO. As I walk the streets of Paris, for example, I understand very well why it is I, for one, am in Paris and not in Chicago. I have a friend, a slightly mystical young lady, who also happens to be from Chicago. This young lady talks much of vibrations — so much so, that some of us have come to know her as "Vibration Annie." then of what she does to and for her champion pig-stickers — when I think of this, I stir up my fire and am content to stay away, if need be, for another year. Why, there is not even a place in Chicago where two poets, who hap pened to run into each other in the street, could go to have a cup of coffee, without being harrowed by a male or Well, to me, Paris shoots out real vibra- tions: vibrations, above all, of an en compassing and functioning intelli gence, of a mental aliveness and an emotional maturity. As to Chicago, she does not give out vibrations; she arises, in her porkpacker might, and sloughs one over the bean with a sledge hammer — the same sort of sledgeham- TUECUICAGOAN 15 mer, precisely, that is employed in the killing-pens. The bludgeon is her nuance. Nevertheless, the Young Lady from Chicago, of whom I have just spoken, prefers Chicago to Paris! But for me, Chicago is summed up in those ridiculous lions in front of the Art Institute — aesthetic Chicago, Chi cago of the "arts," watching the Sand- burgian hog-butcher-to-the-world on his way to the slaughter-house. My fire is dying. Outside, I know, are stars. When was I ever conscious of stars in Chicago? How could one be conscious of stars in a four-rooms- with - the - efficiency - of - five apartment, inadoor beds included? And yet — and yet — I'd just like to be in the old Boul Mich (the cornbelt, not the Parisian one) tonight! I told you, I was in a sentimental mood. — samuel putnam. Chatter Somewhat Marital Listen, dearie, I'm sorry I had to ditch you Saturday night, but a friend of mine came in from out of town. He came in so sudden I didn't have time to call you. I had to go and entertain him. Well, dearie, a friend comes in from out of town, and he's only going to be here a few weeks — you know how it is. We went to a dance and got home awful early, about five o'clock, I guess. It was real early. Evening had hardly started, you might say. Well, we had a few, only about a dosen. Oh, LISTEN, dearie, you know I go out with quite a different amount of fellows. I don't really care for them, There's only one I think about, and that one is YOU. No, tomorrow night I got to meet one of the fellows from the office. Busi ness. Well, sometimes you got business you can't talk over in the office! Say, honey, I want to tell you some thing. No one but Aggie and Stew know we're married. We'd better keep it on the Q. T. quite a while longer. S'Long! — sedalia. ? Mr. and Mrs. Chris Gunn, who is a son of the Gunns in our neighborhood, went to Hastings last week to see her niece by her first husband, who slipped on the run ning board of her new Dodge so badly that one of the latter' s limbs may be out of joint, near McCook. — The Jac\ass (Missis sippi) Weekly Post. English as it is rotten. Aristocrat of Rough Games Indoor Polo at the Riding Club MEMORIES of Kipling's "Maltese Cat" come to mind as we set out for the Riding Club to see the indoor polo. It is, of course, quite Victorian to remember Kipling at all, and there fore reprehensible. But the generation of youth that fed its imagination upon him was not likely to turn psychopathic, which is more than can be said for the young moderns- who wallow in James Joyce and Freud. Besides, polo itself \vM tomobile show. Apparently the pre historic horse still has a numerous group of worshipers with long purses. This impressive fane, where the god himself supplies the incense — the pungent bouquet de cheval — suggests that tan' bark equestrianism is an industry rather than a casual recreation. We find that the Riding Club team will cross mallets with itinerant gentle' men representing the Brooklyn Riding and Driving Club. These Brooklyn boys are on tour over the in' door polo cir' cuit, but they have forgotten to bring their ponies. No matter; the Riding Club will lend them mounts, and thereby place them at a dis' advantage, for a poloist in a strange saddle is more handi' capped than a football player without a cheer leader. A is Victorian. It suggests Indian Army officers, Hindu rajahs, country gentle men, and the ancient cult of the an achronistic horse. When we arrived at the Riding Club, we decided that the horse is not as much of anachronism as the General Motors advertisements would have us believe. Here in the mysterious terrain that is east of the studio belt, north of the river front, and south of the luxuri ous tenements of Streeterville, they have built a mighty temple to the large perisodactyl ungulate mammal known to science as Equus caballus. It is al most spacious enough to contain an au- BOUT five hun- d r e d specta tors are in the galleries. There would be many more, no doubt, if the Riding Club were not so austere in announcing its events through the press. If the public knew how violent a game this is, Mr. Mullen's boxing carnivals at the Coliseum would have serious competition. Polo is the aristocrat of rough games. It inherits its traditions from the cavalry charge. Indoors, on a galloping space one- third the length of the regulation field, they play it with an inflated ball to prevent casualties among riders and spectators. But the slash of the mallets is just as savage under the arc-lights as it is in the sunshine, and the charg' ing and scrimmaging is even more 16 TUQ CUICAGOAN On the ball — O ***>*' %. risky. A group of Chicago business men indulge in this break-neck pastime almost every afternoon before going home to cocktails and the radio. If anyone thinks that we are growing soft with prosperity, let him consider this social phenomenon. We do not learn the names of the ponies in this meeting of the centaurs of Chicago and Brooklyn, and that is unfortunate, for according to Kipling the Maltese Cat and his stable com panions really play the game while the humans merely sit on their backs and swing mallets. In the last period of that story's game, we recall, the rider of the Maltese Cat dropped bridle to nurse a broken left collar-bone, permit ting the dauntless pony to use his own judgment about the proper time to score the winning goal. But that was a fictionist's fantasy, to be scoffed at by poloists fully aware of the limita tions of the much-exaggerated equine intelligence. THEY line up, three to a side in stead of four, as in the outdoor game; the umpire tosses the ball; and the game is launched in a flurry of hoofs and mallets. Now is the time to dredge out of the abyss of memory another literary footnote to the game: The ball no question ma\es of ayes and noes, But here and there as strides the player goes; And He that tossed you down into the field, He \nows about it all; HE \nows; HE \nows. That was old Omar Khayyam, phi losophising skeptically over the polo of Persian princes. Who rides for Chicago? Fitspatrick the Irish Dragoon; Corpening the West Pointer; and Bering of the Sherman House Hussars. A sound team, marked by brilliance in its Number 2, who is Corpening, scoring almost at will. Brooklyn is represented by the names of Egan, Pflug and Sackman, of whom it need only be said that they try hard and are over-matched. Chicago takes the lead and increases it in every pe riod. When the wild riding is ended, the score stands 20 for us and 9]/z for them. There have been no casualties. There have been stirrups broken and repaired; the ponies have done a few fancy dance steps off the perpendicular bar rier; and Bering of the Sherman House Hussars narrowly escaped being un horsed in a full-steam collision; but on the whole it was an unusually pain less party. But the girl in a box who was kissed by a wildly-hit ball is glad they were not using the wooden pro jectile of the outdoor game. The cheek thus saluted is blushing — another proof, perhaps, that polo is a game with Vic torian antecedents. ONE might say off-hand that polo is of little importance as an American game. It seldom crops out on the sporting pages of our news papers. It becomes a spectacle of gen eral interest only once in a blue moon, when a team representing our eques trian order meets representatives of British or Argentine or Indian Army chivalry to settle the matter of inter national supremacy. Between these an nual events, the rank-and-file of our population is aware of the game merely as an occasional excuse for costuming the chorus boys of musical comedies in white riding breeches and polo belts. Nevertheless, this "finest game in the world" (Kipling again) is being played extensively in the United States. Its technique, moreover, has become com pletely American since the great vic tories of 1909 when our team shattered British complacency and reformed British style. It is, happily enough, a game which wc can never Babbittise like golf, but our polo population has expanded steadily with our industrial prosperity. The game is no longer an affair of country-life idleness or professional ex ercise of the army posts. Westchester and Long Island have no monopoly upon it. There are several fields around Chicago where it is actively practiced. Wherever there are men who like hard riding and a sport which has the risks and the gallantry of a mediaeval jousting yard, polo is being talked and played. The instinct for centaurism still survives in this motor- ised civilisation; hence the Riding Club and its indoor tournaments. — CHARLES COLLINS. TUQCUICAGOAN 17 CWICAGOAN/ The Lady of the Tithes ONCE upon a time a young woman from Chicago was invited to go down to Danville to attend the state convention of the Illinois Suffrage As sociation. She was a bride; besides, she thought the suf fragettes wore funny hats and did the wrong thing with their back hair. So she didn't want to go. But it chanced that her husband, a young real estate man out on the south side, was obliged to be away on business during the three days of the convention. So she went to Danville, more or less for the ride. Arrived in Danville she, and another girl who had never lost much sleep over the ballot, discovered that once a year Joe Cannon's town goes festive and holds a synthetic Mardi Gras carnival. And that was the night of it. Did the two gals elect to go to the suffrage meeting and discuss the eman cipation of their sex? They did not. INSTEAD, they swiped the sheets from their beds and fashioned them into gowns. They swirled pillow cases about their heads into fantastic turbans. And off they went, looking more like a compromise between an angel on Judgment Day and any back-yard on wash day than like purposeful young women seeking political equality. The two of them slithered back to their rooms long minutes after the en franchisement debate had adjourned. But as they glided down the corridors, trailing clouds of muddy white behind them, they glimpsed dour, perhaps even sour, glances from some of their less blithe sisters. Next morning, of course, they were sleepy. So they snoosed straight through the important nine o'clock ses sion. At eleven a committee woman burst in the room of the young woman from Chicago. "Well, Mabel," she began, "you're certainly in for it." "Don't I know I'm in for it?" Mabel replied, with sleepy confidence. "I mean," went on the committee- woman, "that you're in for a lot of Reinecke work. They've elected you to their board." "Elected me to the board of the Suf frage Association? Why, you're crasy; they're crasy. I don't know anything about votes for women, and, but — " her voice tapered off into the bed clothes that had been her carnival cos tume. BUT it was true. Mabel Gilmore Reinecke was elected to the board. It was her debut into the realm of the 19th amendment. She put into the campaign all the pep and ingenuity and independence that she had put into get ting to the Danville street carnival that night. Her arc of interest and responsi bility widened. She went in a far- flung geographic sone, and she kept cutting down more and more deeply into the political areas. Which was as it should be, for she was the daughter of her father, and her father, James H. Gilmore, was ever prominent in local politics. And she really knew more than she pretended she did, that morning they pushed her on the suffrage board. She learned about women from them; but she already knew a goodly lot about men in politics, for she was secretary to the chairman of the Roosevelt Cook County Campaign Commit tee when the Progressive party was born in 1912. She had been born only 19 years before, herself. She campaigned vigorously, im- passionedly, for Teddy. The Roosevelt campaign ended, as any staistics can tell you, Nov. 4th, 1912. Yes, that was Tuesday. Then Mabel Gilmore turned her thoughts to mat rimony. She was engaged to George Reinecke, and their wedding was sched uled for the following Jan uary. Now they had leis ure to begin to make their plans. Sunday, the 9th of November, they were out walking and got involved in one of those discussions (and they come to even the most devoted about- to-be newly weds) over lists of wedding guests. "Well," said Mr. Reinecke, "if you're having a big wedding on my account, you can forget it. I'd like to get married right away." "And if you think it's I who wants a lot of fuss, you're mistaken," ex plained his fiancee. So they got busy on the long dis tance telephone, summoned the rela tives, and were married Tuesday, Nov. 11th. Only it wasn't Armistice day, then. Then came the trip to Danville, the Sealous suffrage campaign which ended in the 19th amendment. IN the Hughes campaign of 1916 she was assistant to the western directors of the Progressives, and the next year she made the front page of the news papers when she was appointed as the first woman in the taxing bodies of Cook county. The year 1918 found her organising the Illinois women in behalf of the late Senator Medill Mc- Cormick and in 1919 she was appointed secretary of the executive committee of nine women with the Republican Na tional committee. In 1921 she became chief deputy col lector of Internal Revenue in the Chi- 18 TUECUICAGOAN Sr. Carreno, caricaturist, herewith £uts fien to Sr. Julius Tannen, stage j>roj)rietor of 'Earl Carroll's Vanities and overseer of a coll ege~educated seal. 'The most efficient spokesman a revue ever had," says Charles Collins. At the Illinois. TUECUICAGOAN 19 cago district, then acting collector dur ing Collector Cannon's illness. At his death, she was appointed collector by President Harding. President Coolidge reappointed her, his first woman ap pointee, and she is now said to be the highest salaried woman in federal serv ice. But money's no treat to her. Some thing well over two hundred millions of it goes through her hands every year. She and her husband live in a co-op apartment at 7370 South Shore drive. She loves to dance, likes to play golf (usually at South Shore) and is learn ing to swim. You'll find her down in Louisville at the derby, in a ringside seat at the champion prise-fights, around the directors' table at the Y. W. C. A.; the Chicago Woman's club, and the Alliance of Business and Profes sional Women. She makes a better speech than most women, probably because she always knows exactly what she's talking about. Her favorite color is red, bright red. And she's never been to a street car nival since that one in Danville. GENEVIEVE FORBES- HERRICK. Poetic Acceptances archy Accents an Invitation for his Boss, Don Marquis, to Join the Anti- Cruelty to Animals, Minerals and Vegetables Club. well i think my boss will join your club i think he should and mehitable the cat agrees with me we are urging him to join so i think he will i think so because yesterday he said he thought the humane society ought to prevent people from boiling their drinking water some one asked why question and he answered cruelty to animals so i am pretty sure he will join your club archy — DONALD PLANT. ? Fountain Pen Hospital. I repair all makes of fountain pens and Eversharp pencils same day. Male orders filled. Thos. F. Frawley. — The Brith Achim Journal (Bos> ton). We don't take orders from females, either. ? Morris Rudick was murdered about noon on Friday, September 30 as per schedule. — Tia Juana Border Herald. All in the day's work. Vke JTA G E The Reincarnation of Jeanne Eagels JEANNE EAGELS char acterises a role, in its outward aspects, more fully and com pletely than any other actress on the American stage ex cept Lenore Ulric. This form of acting seldom wins the complete sanction of the high-brows, aesthetes and Brah mins; it is so phys ical a matter that they cannot grant it much validity in the realm of the intel lect. Nevertheless, it is the very essence of the theatre, which imperils its fran chise upon public favor whenever it sacrifices vitality in favor of subtlety. Miss Eagels has j returned to Chicago for the first time since "Rain," and is giving a brilliant demonstration of the fact that the role of Sadie Thompson was not the only string to her bow. Her vehicle, a farc ical comedy of French origin and atmos phere called "Her Cardboard Lover," now at the Adelphi, does not bring the glamour of a long residence in New York, but it cannot be mistaken, even by those who do their play-going on bulletins from Broadway, for anything less than an unqualified success. "Her Cardboard Lover" is a delightful di version. Miss Eagels, as its heroine, is an enchantment for the imagination. In her elaborate and amasing char acter study of a frivolous French mondaine farcically obsessed by a pas sion for her divorced husband, Miss Eagels has blended various reminiscent elements. She employs, at times, the pouncing squawk of Mrs. Fiske, the burlesque squeal of Beatrice Lillie, the Gallic archness of Irene Bordoni, and the St. Vitus dance of the lamented Emily Stevens. But she is always no body but Jeanne Eagels; and she never recalls her own Sadie Thomp son except in her er ratic gait, which suggests the stride of an old-time "troop' er" reared on "Ham' let" as much as it does "Rain." Nerves are a part of the plot of "Her Cardboard Lover" — the nerves of a high- strung lady with a one-track libido. She has divorced her husband for open in fidelities, but when ever she thinks about that suave, hypnotic egotist she becomes hysterical, and whenever he appears on the scene she has frantic impulses to ward the restitution of conjugal rights. It is a complete case of erotic obsession. The husband pur sues her, insistent upon a reunion; and so, to protect herself from her vice of monogamy, she engages an adoring, poor young man to pose as her lover — hence the title. He is to serve as her private secretary and guardian angel of her sex-haunted soul — hence the plot. There never was a more nervous characterisation than Miss Eagels'. When the play starts, you suspect that something is the matter with the woman and that bromides, rather than applause, are in order. But after five minutes you stop worrying about Miss Eagels' health and begin to discover a masterpiece of neurotic acting, cleverly adapted to mirth. In her flutterings, flouncings and twitterings, in her flow of irrelevancies in dialogue and "busi ness," Miss Eagels gives you the im' pression that she is always improvising. 20 TUECUICAGOAN tKTRANC And in the whole repertory of the art of acting, there is no achievement more difficult. The heroine is a creature of fantasy; the admirable lead ing men — Anthony Bushell and Barry O'Neill — are Eng lish from their ac cents to their pleated trousers; and the dialogue is tinted with the Anglo- American humor of P. G. Wodehouse. But the play itself remains utterly French. The sexli- ness of its theme is varnished with the crisp, bright wit of the Gaul. When contrasted with the bawdy flagrancies of native boudoir comedy, the brittle sophistication of "Her Cardboard Lover" is clean and refreshing. A Ford But Not a Flivver /^OEGGY-ANN," the musical mu- 1 sical comedy now at the Selwyn Theatre, is gayly eccentric. It takes an old pattern in libretto- making — nothing less than the almost ancient "Tillie's Nightmare" — and adapts it into a dream-show which is Freudian in its phantasmagoric psychology. In staging and costuming, this frolic illus trates the demented tendencies of modern decoration; and in chorus numbers it exhibits the frensies of jass- mania. "Peggy-Ann" is amusingly crasy, and therefore, one suspects thoroughly collegiate and "modern' in its appeal. The star of this entertainment. which should give "Hit the Deck' sincere competition, is Helen Ford, than whom there is no prettier, neater hoy den. She has a frank flair for char acter comedy; she can be sentimental without ceasing to be a soubrette; and her way with a song is charming. The comedienne of the show is Lulu McConnell, who is as ingeniously and obstreperously funny as any of the burly women who have occupied stars' dressing rooms in their time. One of the Hardy Annuals EARL CARROLL'S "Vanities," in the sixth season of their history. arc now lodged at the Illinois, giving the revue-going audiences a satis factory alternative to "A Night in Spain." To classify the revues in the order of their merit is an infallible method of arousing jealousy and debate; therefore I will grade the hardy an nual spectacles of our stage in the fol lowing order: Zieg- feld's "Follies," first; George White's "Scandals," second; the Winter Garden shows, third; and Carroll's "Vanities," fourth. But the competition is always close. The current "Vanities" is notable for its possession of Julius Tannen as master of ceremonies and tutor of a vigorous trained seal; of Moran and Mack as droll black-face philosophers; of Johnny Dooley as holder of the world's record in comic falls; and of a series of short and snappy burlesque sketches that were not dredged out of the morass of obscene anecdote. Mr. Tannen is the most efficient spokesman a revue ever had, and his cultured seal is a joyous amphibian. As for Moran and Mack, they seem to be headed toward the fame and popularity that belonged to Mclntyre and Heath. The chorus girls are hardly beautiful enough to satisfy the pampered taste of those pashas of the American theatre, the butter-and-egg men. But one group, when seen in the difficult gymnastics of a rope-climbing act, are glowing young athletes to be given hearty eugenic approval. — CHARLES COLLINS. Tip For Motorists THERE are more ways than one, heaven knows, of obtaining a lift, but by far the most satisfactory way is to allow a policeman to get one for you. And of the Chicago force, one man to be sincerely recommended for this purpose is Officer 397 of the South Park police, who presides over traffic at the intersection near the northwest corner of the Field Museum. There is a distinct thrill in standing with him - feeling very small beside his impos ing height watching him scan each approaching car for vacant seats, see ing him hold up his hand as a signal for a worried driver to stop, following him as he goes to open the door, and hearing him say, "Will you give these folks a lift to the loop?" Stepping into the car with a word of thanks to the officer, the liftce feels almost as mag nificent as the princes who ride behind shrieking motorcycles. This is indeed an effective, a magnificent manner of obtaining a lift — but expensive. To get such a lift you must first have your own car wrecked in the park. ANOTHER high spot in a motor ist's life is the visit he pays to his once noble chariot now reposing in the port of missing motors. A good time to visit one of these morgues is late at night when the morticians have the leisure to show a visitor around their establishment. Even though such places may look dark and closed they are among those that sleep not neither do they slumber. The tinkle of a tele phone bell is enough to set in motion the wheels of a big tow truck as a brave rescuer dashes out to the aid, or at least the decent removal, of an other wreck. Between calls these men will take you to your dear departed and stand by while you drop a tear on its dis torted hood or fractured ribs. Then they will show you that yours is not the saddest lot of all. The very next car may have suffered an internal hem orrhage. The one in the corner som ersaulted over a viaduct and came down in fractions. "This," says one of the guides, "is the car that turned over in the ditch out on Western Ave nue. Two men were killed. I hauled it in myself." Another prise in his collection is the car whose picture ap peared in the papers after it had been struck by a street car. "I brought that one in too," says your friend. "A woman was driving. Her head was pretty near entirely cut off. It was her time to go, see? Now you mighta been killed too, but your time hadn"^ come yet. I've seen lots of wrecks not as bad as yours where folks got killed instantly." He looks at you a little resentfully, and you smile apologeti cally, mutely begging his pardon for not having been killed. — E. V. PARK. TUECUICAGOAN 21 nThe CINEMA The Case of Jannmgs vs. Hollywood Now Showing The Last Command — Reviewed herewith. Beau Sabreur — An alleged companion picture to Beau Geste; allegation denied. (Forget it.) The Private Life of Helen of Troy — Not Erskine's, of course, but a rousing slapstick in the Sennett manner. (Go.) Sharp Shooters — Intentional melo-drama containing good incidental gob comedy. (If idle.) The Divine Woman — Greta Garbo proves that she can act! (Be convinced.) The Gaucho — The immortal Doug lifts a fairy tale by his boot straps. (Don't miss it.) Serenade — Menjou without a story, but still Menjou. (Attend.) The Shepherd of the Hills — Adequate. (If you believe Wright is right.) Two Flaming Youths — W. C. Fields and Chester Conklin in very sad comedy. (No.) The Gateway of the Moon — Dolores Del Rio for no good reason. (Out.) The Dove — Norma Talmadge and Noah Beery in something physical, Spanish and pointless. (Omit.) The Love Mart — Beautiful Billie Dove in beautiful Old New Orleans. (Use both eyes.) French Dressing — Good players sans a good play. (Ho hum.) The Loves of Carmen — Dolores Del Rio and Victor McLaglen prove there's a lot of snap in the old tale yet. (Look at it, without Aunt Mary.) The Gorilla — Ape thriller. (If you liked The Bat.) The Valley of the Giants— -Milton Sills out-gianted by the surrounding Red woods. (For the scenery, if at all.) Spotlight — Esther Ralston, always worth a peep, in Broadway showshop stuff. (If not busy.) Love — Greta Garbo and John Gilbert, at it again, essay Tolstoy. (If you didn't read "Anna Karenina.") The City Gone Wild — Thomas Meighan in hypothetical underworld stuff almost as good as the front page news. (As a change of menu.) Get Your Man — Clara Bow the getter. (Go to the Rainbo.) Buttons — Jackie Coogan against heavy odds. (If the kiddies must.) Jesse James — Not the one you've read about, but Fred Thomson. (Not to night.) The Jazz Singer — Jolson, better than via radio. (Tonight.) MR. EMIL JANNINGS' second made-in- America production has its ups and downs. The ups occur in the Russian sequence which gives the star supreme command of the Csar's armies just prior to and during the dis integration. The downs occur in the Hollywood sequence, which is split in such manner as to stand foolishly fore and aft of the major episode. The way to see the picture, and of course it should be seen, is to enter at the be ginning of the Russian section and exit at the end of it. And of course this is quite impossible while the film is ex hibited in its complete form, although one day the Mindlins may dig it out of the storehouse and cut away the Hollywood claptrap for purposes of re vival. The Russian sequence is a splendid thing. It presents the Russia described by Edgar Saltus. In this setting Jan- nings is the bold, brutal, slightly lustful but predominantly loyal commander of a doomed militia. Undeceived as to the impending fate of his nation, his troops, his monarch, he stalks unper turbed to an end which is the logical end of the story. This portion of the picture is great stuff. It should be the picture. Fore and aft of this Russian section the American manufacturers have erected a lavish Hollywood wherein the remnant of the Russian general is de picted as an extra upon whom a di rector, in return for a well earned whipping, seeks to visit a wholly cel luloid vengeance. No amount of money or effort has been spared in the attempt to make this section stand up, but the jump from a real Russia to a Holly wood that is real only in its unreality isn't among the hu- m a n possibilities. The effect is the same as if John Erskine, writing a not at all unlikely "Samson and De lilah," were to set the first and last chapters in his office at Columbia or the press-room of his publisher. "One" SEVERAL months ago an office visi tor sought information pertaining to the last of the Charles Chaplin comics made in Chicago and issued by Essanay from its Northside studio. Files were ransacked, a bit annoyedly, and the caller departed mumbling words of gratitude. Half an hour later, when a file clerk's formal record entry brought to eye the signature of Mr. G. M. An derson, the staff vouchsafed a long mo ment of silence in memory of the adulation once tendered the now unrecognised Broncho Billy Anderson. Reasons for his interest in the Chap lin film are as well untold. Data PERHAPS it isn't quite nice to mention money in connection with the cinema, but it's the custom. The amount of money invested in a new theatre property invariably finds space in the newspapers. When a producer spends more than he expected to spend in manufacturing a motion picture he is certain to mention it to as many looselipped reporters as there are re porters in America. And so a bit of information not exactly in line with the general assumption may be of passing interest. This information, confided by a quite reliable youth of good family, is to the effect that the highly uniformed ushers in at least one major chain of Chicago cinemas receive ten dollars weekly for six hours of service rend ered nightly for seven nights. To ob tain the chance to earn this wage, the applicant must declare, and convince an apparent militiaman, that he has had two years of military drill train ing. And, curious ly, a long waiting list grows steadily longer. Further informa tion regarding an Ushers' Union that not only exists but functions, timidly as yet, of course, is too incredible for detailing. The b. a. drives the conven tional Cadillac. — W. R. WEAVER. 22 TUECUICAGOAN "Day after day — the same old faces" BOOK/ More About India — And Children PERHAPS you are one of those Chi- cagoans who used Katherine Mayo's "Mother India" as a Christmas present. It is a matter of bookstore record that some hundreds of persons in and about Chicago did just this thing. (Why, one can scarcely imagine, unless on the principle that "Mother India" might by opposites induce the sense of peace on earth good will to men, just as Arctic travel read in the winter makes you notice the weather less.) And in case you are, here is a Valentine suggestion by way of antidote — a nice little book that looks rather Valentinish too, namely "A Son of Mother India An swers," by Dhan Gopal Mukerji. The majority of readers have un doubtedly taken "Mother India" quite simply — as Arnold Bennett did when he called it "a shocking book, in the honorable sense." Though I have heard a Chicagoan or two, exceptional Chi- cagoans who had been in India but not as tourists, remark modestly, as befits a minority, that it seemed a little un just. In other words that although Miss Mayo had got a body of facts to gether, it was only such a body of facts as a Hindu might get together in Lon don, or maybe in Chicago, by confining his investigations to the poorer, or pos sibly to the more vicious, sections of town. To Mr. Mukerji, however, Miss Mayo's facts are not even facts. Her authorities are for the most part anony mous. Gandhi and others whom she does quote by name have kicked, in print, like steers. The only question that remains in Mr. Mukerji's mind is what can possibly have been the pur pose of so much untruthfulness. Mis sionary propaganda? No, he shows that even the missionaries have dis owned "Mother India." Well, if you poisoned somebody's mind at Christmas time, here at least is an antidote that you can administer by way of Valentine. BUT there are other holidays to be considered within the fortnight. See Morrow's Almanack for the proper books to read on them. Or if you don't have Mr. Rascoe's learned compilation handy, see what past issues of The Chicagoan have had to say concerning the one volume edition of Sandburg's Lincoln and the five new books about Washington. For the serious minded segment of the voting population, however, this particular fortnight means neither Washington's birthday nor Lincoln's, nor yet St. Valentine's day. It means an event destined to take place at the Palmer House from the sixteenth to the eighteenth. Namely the third Child Welfare Conference. Parenthood is becoming a very per sonal matter. It used to be that the inquiring consultant would ask a mother what she fed her baby, and if she said coffee, he would prescribe milk and let her go. It used also to be possible to regard tantrums as being, like brown eyes, hereditary and there fore incurable. That let you out. You simply sat down and waited for young hopeful to outgrow them. The present tendency, however, is to forget about heredity, and confine yourself to im proving the environment. Which is, of course, much more strenuous and at times embarrassing. If your child has tantrums, they may psychoanalyse him, but they are sure to psychoanalyse you. And they may find out almost anything. Maybe that you and your husband have been quarreling, maybe that he never loved you at all. FOOD clinics arc no longer the lat est thing. Now it's the habit clinic. Three of the latest books on child train ing have been written from the char acter and habit point of view. And if the event at the Palmer House is your lodestar for February you might do well to read them by way of prep aration. "Everyday Problems of the Everyday Child," by Douglas A. Thorn, director of the habit clinics of Boston, is a sys tematic arrangement of case material. "The Inner World of Childhood," by Frances G. Wickes, is also based on case material, the material that comes to the practising psychoanalyist. It has a preface by Jung. Neither of these books is forbid dingly written. Quite the contrary. But if you would rather read some thing more strictly optimistic try "Your Growing Child," by H. Addington Bruce, where a professional writer acts as go-between from the scientist to the layman. — SUSAN WILBUR. Made in Chicago Secret History of Procopius: Newly translated from the Greek with an in troduction by Richard Atwater. (Pascal Covici.) Wherein an historian whose conscience has troubled him for press- agenting his Emperor, tells the inside story of bomb trusts and wine baths in Sixth century Constantinople. The sense of immediacy given by Richard Atwater's lively and up-to-date English is duly counteracted by the pre-Gothic remote ness of the Procopius type, designed by Douglas C. McMurtrie and here used for the first time. Edition limited to 760 numbered copies. The Clock Strikes Two, by Henry Kitchell Webster. (The Bobbs-Merrill Company.) TUECUICAGOAN 23 $2. If you wanted to make a blind man see a ghost, how would you work it? Why just let him hear it, says Henry Kitchell Webster. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, one, two, and then a scream. A mystery story with all kinds of sus pense, and plenty of shivers, but no corpses lying about. Joey, the Littlest Clown: A Circus Story for Little Folks, by Quin A. Ryan (Uncle Quin, the bed-time story man of WGN, the Chicago Tribune Radio Sta tion). Illustrated by A. Raymond Katz. (The Children's Press, Chicago.) A notable book about the circus, telling how a little boy had a clown for a grand father and got in the ring himself the first time he was ever under the Big Top. Original and colorful illustrations with a fitting touch of exaggeration, and made by the unique process of being en graved directly on the metalby the artist. Pagan Pictures: Freely translated and fully expanded from the Anthology and the Greek lyrical poets variously aug mented by modern instances, by Wallace Rice. (Boni and Liveright.) $7.50. (Before publication.) A collector's item and also a poetical event. Specialization Journalistic "I wish to become a journalist," said the visitor. "Swell," replied the newspaper edi tor. "I have had no experience. I went to grade school. I am learning to use a typewriter." "Know anything about baseball, foot ball, boxing, horse racing?" "No." "Have a cigar." The editor was be coming friendly. "What you been doing lately, old scout?" he asked. "Been trying to guess where the red would stop." "How did you come out?" It was clear that something rested on the re- ply' , "Didn't hit once." "Boy, I been looking for you!" the editor cried. "Two hundred a week and your picture at the head of your own column every day." "But what do I do?" "Old kid, you're sport expert. Sit right down and give us 500 words on Tunney's chances against the first good boy he meets." — B. F. SYLVESTER. ? BITTING.— God giveth and God taketh. His will be done. His memory will last forever. From his only brother & sister- in-law. JOSEPH AND MARY BITTING. — The Baltimore Sun. Well—. JOURNALI/TIC JOURNEY/ The Press Greets Princess So-and-So THIS is the true story of how they met the Prince and Princess Odef- calchi. It was a chill and frosty morn ing, and under the train shed of the Union Station waited four red-nosed reporters and four fro2en-fingered pho tographers. Each reporter bore in his hand a mysterious slip of paper, on which was scrawled: "Prince and Princess Odefcalchi. Broadway Limited. Car 7. Drawing Room A." "Is it a Russian prince or a Polish prince?" asked the first lady reporter. "It's an African prince, I can tell by the name," said the first male re porter. "I'll look him up in the clips when I get back to the office," said the sec ond lady reporter. "I looked. There's nothing on him in our morgue," said the second male reporter. And the train pulled in, and the pho tographers shouldered their cameras, and all dashed down the runway for car 7, Drawing Room A. THERE descended three racoon- coated college youths coming home for vacation. There descended two matrons. "That 'might be the princess," said the first male reporter. "It doesn't look like one, " said the second lady reporter. "They never look like one," said the first lady reporter. "If they're Rus' sian they're always lean and worried looking." "Are you the Princess Odefcalchi?" said a photographer. The ladies huffed their heads and walked on. There descended a man in a derby hat, a yellow coat, unshined shoes. Under his coat he was hiding something bulky. "That might be the valet," whispered the second male reporter. There descended a gay young girl with blonde hair and tiny dancing feet and a latest novel under her arm. "Another school-kid home for the week-end," said the first male reporter. "Are you the Princess Odefcalchi?" said the first lady reporter to the girl. She was. THE photographers herded her against the train, and set up. "Where's the prince?" they cried. The second male reporter cast eyes on the man in the yellow coat, who hovered undecidedly in the distance. He had opened his coat and taken out the red pomeranian that had been hid den there. "Are you the prince?" accused the reporter. The man shrugged his shoulders. "Do you belong to that lady?" The man looked, caught the plea in the girl's eyes, grinned, and made his way to her side. While the photographers held the prisoners, the four reporters huddled together in consultation. "I'll ask her what was her maiden "Just one more question, please — what did you say your name was? TUECUICAGOAN yPORTX REVIEW F ebruary Frolics 24 name," said the first lady reporter. "You," to the first male, "ask him what kind of a prince he is, and you — " to the second lady, "ask him where they are coming from, and you — " to the second male, "ask him where they are going." So they advanced on the prince and the princess. /*\ A /HAT was your maiden V V name?" said the first lady re porter. "Elain Weber," said the girl. "Of Denver. My husband is an Italian prince and we are going from New York to Denver to visit my people." "Prince, are you Russian, Italian, or what?" said the first male reporter. "I am of Italy, and we are going from New York to Denver — ¦" "Where are you coming from?" said the second lady reporter. "From New York," smiled the prince. "And where are you going to?" said the second male reporter. "But to Denver!" And then the first lady reporter did an unusual thing. She said, "What is your first name, prince?" "Gialma," he said. "G-i-a-1-m-a." And while they were writing it down, the prince and the princess escaped to another train. The prince carrying the dog. * t\ A /ELL," said the first lady re- V V porter. "I don't think much of it. He should have had his shoes shined." "And that first name — ! It don't sound right," said the second lady. "What!" said the first male reporter. "Have you never heard of the famous Odefcalchi family of Russia, known in the middle ages for their — " "It was Italy," said the first lady re porter. "And it's Odescalchi. O-d-e-s-." "No. O-d-e-f-" "Let's ask them." The reporters looked around. "They're gone!" they cried. And that is how the prince and princess were met. ¦ — MEYER LEVIN. ? Will open engagement at Ritz Bathroom Saturday. — The Musical World, Paris, France. Very elemental, these Frenchmen. ? Fly to operate on injured girl. — Headline in The Philadelphia Evening Bulletin. These wonderful times. FEBRUARY, a month which usually finds Chicago in the doldrums, ath letically speaking, arrived this year in the midst of a sport schedule popping with importance. It would indicate, for one thing, that our sportsmen are tiring of pining fitfully through the winter for a spring so often too far behind. As this issue of The Chica goan glides to press the nabobs of lawn tennis, including many of its foremost players, are in town and are holding the first indoor tennis tournament of magnitude at the Rainbo Fronton; the I. A. C. Games are in progress at the Riding Club; the college basket ball season is waxing hot and going into the home stretch; polo ponies and play ers are preparing for the coming sum mer in regular scheduled indoor games at the Riding Club, contests of no mean importance on their own account; swimming teams are kicking up an aw ful splash in the club and university tanks; hockey retains its hold on a growing number of fans despite re verses handed our Blackhawks at the Coliseum; Jai Alai gains new addicts daily; the cauliflower industry, pet name for the manly sport of boxing, rises and wanes with fits and starts; and the members of our baseball teams, in mufti, are gathering for their annual trek, some two weeks hence to Cali fornia and Louisiana respectively. It that isn't a list of doings, we'll include bowling, chess, ping pong and indoor golf! If Chicago tennis enthusiasts are as numerous as it has been claimed, the first indoor matches should open their eyes to an opportunity heretofore over looked. New York has enjoyed indoor tennis for several .seasons. Without in tending to cast any reflection on Jai Alai, it seems to us a theatre such as Mr. Mann has provided for the Spanish pelota players, might have ere this been erected here for indoor tennis. Per haps the Rainbo tournament will in spire one. Chicago is honored for the first time with the convention of the United State Lawn Tennis Association, which is that body's fifty- fourth annual con clave. Most interesting of its actions will be the announcement of the na tional amateur ratings for 1927, a list on which Chicago is expected to have representation, near the top, through the name of George Lott. This young man, it might be in order to mention, is generally conceded fourth place among the stars of the game. He is holder of the Canadian championship. His victories include a win over the heroic Lacoste of the French Davis cup team and he has also defeated Tilden. Sympathy IN his hour of tribulation our heart goes out to Dr. Otto Peltzer, who, apparently because of his record-shat tering ability as a middle distance run ner, must be involved in a time-wasting, brain-fagging controversy with the of ficials of the Amateur Athletic Union during his brief tour of America. One recalls, with no sense of pride, other wrangles between visiting foreign ath letes and the guardians of our amateur games and, after reading the columns devoted to the most recent outburst, one wonders why the men who make and enforce the simon pure rules al ways appear in rather a boorish light. Is it their natural aura? Or have the foreign visitors a mysterious and effec tive method of prejudicing the press? If the troubles of Dr. Peltier, occa sioned because of his desire to take part in three particular meets in accordance with A. A. U. rules, one of which was the I. A. C. meet here, were re ported correctly, one blushes for the dignity of bickering officials. — JOSEPH U. DUGAN. THE CHICAGOAN 25 O AVEL has come and gone and the musical commun ity is still scarred with violent discus sion as if we had discovered a new com poser and didn't quite know what to do about it. There are those who found him an inquisitive, elegant intellectual; they were fascinated by his music, but not particularly stirred. Others leaped up at the pagan strains of "Daphnis and Cloe" as if it were another "Sacre du Printemps." Still others were openly antagonistic, naively conserva tive, as if Maurice Ravel had not been placed among the elect of this genera tion some twenty years ago. At any rate his advent totally eclipsed in inter est the closing repetitive performances of the Civic Opera. Even the news paper reporters and bond salesmen were talking about him. How he will appear a half-century from now, it is difficult to predict. We see him today as a contemporary of Debussy, influenced like that banker- composer by the caustic and humorous Satie. But although his harmonic dis coveries do not enhance those of De bussy, his music goes through a larger variety of experiences and is, at the same time, of a more architectural, and horizontal harmonic structure. His programs with the Chicago branch of Pro-Musica and with the orchestra dis played him running the gamut of these experiences. There was the Suite for Orchestra "Le Tombeau de Couperin," of a jovial piquancy and a neat style, harking back wittily to that healthy pe riod of Rameau and Couperin, one of the most creditable in the history of French music. Later we came to "Sheherazade," three poems for voice and orchestra. The composer worked there in a differ ent medium. This is music that is fatigued, tired, barely able to keep to gether its atmospheric suggestiveness. And the prescribed female voice, half- chanting half singing, hovers above the music like a weary Oriental bird. IN "La Valse" Ravel becomes the cruel ironist, sarcastic at the expense of an Empire that dances gracefully, albeit hysterically, in the impending shadow of Moltke and Sedan. In this piece we almost find the composers' heart, but it is a little too bitter, too intolerant to achieve greatness. The Second Suite from "Daphnis and Cloe" is, thus far, Ravel's best bid for MU/ICAL NOTE/ Unravelling Ravel immortality. Debussy has written of the faun's afternoon. This orchestral piece is his night out. It is a perfect recreation of some fine pagan world, etched fearlessly and with the objective- ness of a Petronius Arbiter. Its broad, lusty opening theme above a shimmer ing of strings is like a burst of sun light, its capricious middle section like the caperings of Pan, and its concluding dance, in frenzied alternation of double and triple time, a Dionysian revel of grand proportions. This is great, stir ring music, admirably planned and ex ecuted. Ravel at the conductor's desk is eco nomical of gesture. He conducts with expressive wrists. He is small, like some beaked bird, and his face is that of a man who could demolish the world with a single epigram. Henri V erbrugghen THE fourth visting conductor of the year was Henri Verbrugghen, leading the Minneapolis Symphony Or chestra through his own arrangement of the Bach "St. Ann's" Prelude and Fugue, Schonberg's "Verklaerte Nacht" and the Fourth Symphony of Brahms. In appearance like an elderly version of Adolphe Menjou, this conductor re lies on sweeping, striking effects. His orchestra is youthful, and passionate, hence it is easy to forgive its occasional sins of commission, particularly in the over enthusiastic brass section. Verbrugghen's arrangement of the Bach Prelude and Fugue should pass at once into the recognized literature of the orchestra. These conductors who are revamping Bach for modern orchestra are doing a necessary service in the best of taste. If we can get Bach into some kind of shape in which it will be easy for thousands of people to hear him all the time he will become as popular a "classic" as Beethoven or Mozart, and the old legend of his pedantry will be tucked away forever. Interlude SPEAKING of Ravel, he wouldn't leave town without making a tour of the local Harlem. With a smart party he dashed blithely from the Rex to the Plantation and back in a Rolls' Royce. In the group was a Parisian lady who makes it her business to en gage black American talent for the best cabarets in Mont- martre. And sure enough, they made a "find," presumably at the Plantation. A private room was engaged, a light tan mama did her stuff on a hardwood floor. Net result — a year's contract and a new rival for Josephine Baker, and it's nice, besides, that M. Ravel had such a good time while he was here. Postlude THE concerts are legion. Sunday, January 29th, the ambassadorial Kreisler and the S. R. O. sign at the Auditorium. The Austrian is getting to be a grand old man. He is not un like Lindbergh in that he is an actual diplomatic link between the United States and Central Europe. Yet he need carry no portfolio. Composer, editor, violinist, pianist, soldier and writer, he is one of the fine men of earth. AT the Playhouse Benno Moisse- witsch in a program of Bee thoven, Schumann, Chopin and miscel laneous pieces of Medtner, Catorie and Prokofieff. This pianist seems to have changed his style in the last three or four years. He used to be a worker in miniature, an urbane and modern De Pachmann. But his playing has become more robust and he approaches the piano with a more magistral attitude. An angular stunt piece of Prokofieff, the "Suggestion Diaboliques," he was forced to repeat. It is the piano twin brother of "En Auto" and "Pacific 231," a grateful tribute to the age of machinery and, programmatically, we are certain, the description of a locomo tive run between Gary and the Twelfth St. Station. AT the Studebaker a Boston lady named Dai Buell, who makes Ampico recordings and uses a Chicker- ing piano, did strange things with the Chopin B minor sonata. For general incoherence, sloppy passage-work and unimaginative interpretation we here with award this Back Bay lass a year's subscription to the J<[orddeutsche A1J- gemine Zeitung. — ROBERT POLLAK. Tickets are punched at the train gates to let the bearer pass through. — Cook's Tours Instruction Boo\. Why be subtle? 26 TUECUICAGOAN The Civilized Interests A Symposium by Chicagoan writers MAYOR THOMPSON'S comedy of the school books has echoed around the English-speaking world. Wherever there is a newspaper printed in our language, you will find the wits and sages of its editorial columns chuckling in derisive merriment, when they are not snarling in angry satire, over Big Bill's masterpiece. Wherever you meet an "intellectual," conscious of the possession of a superior form of Anglo-Saxon culture, you will find Mayor Thompson's ideas about re cent tendencies in American text-books ranked with the Baconian theory, P. T. Barnum's side-shows, and other amus ing myths and heresies. To people who think they know everything and seldom take the trouble to disillusionize them selves on any topic, Big Bill has become the Great White Hoax of American life. And yet — and yet — The most impressive work of Ameri can historical writing of the year is "The Rise of American Civilization," by Charles A. and Mary R. Beard. It is an interpretation of our annals from the viewpoint of economics, cool, worldly and scientific. On page 190 of their first volume, the Beards deal with Mayor Thomp son's bass-drum theme, as nearly as philosophers can parallel a Cook County politician. They touch upon the Anglo- philism of many descendants of our revolutionary heroes. They speak of the conflicting schools of American his torians — Fourth of July enthusiasm versus scholarly contempt for emotional attitudes. Then they say: "In the fervor of the moment (the World War) over-zealous American scholars, rushing from research to propaganda, rewrote their boo\s to show that the American Revolution was more or less of a moral and tactical error on the part of the Patriot Fa thers? Are the sober and learned Beards, whose work is a masterpiece in its field, laboring in abysmal error for which the English-speaking Union should rebuke them? Or can it be that Mayor Thompson, in his impetuous, blunder ing, big-billish way, is more than half right? — C. C. You Know the Voice MODERN life is full of menaces but most of them have commit tees appointed to eat chicken-croquet- and-canned-pea lunches over them and discuss their abolishment. Only the Photography Menace is allowed to grow unchecked. Ting a ling a ling goes the telephone in the morning just as the window washer is waiting for his check, the cook for her orders and the infant for his feed. "Is this Mrs. Smith? Good morn ing Mrs. Smith. We know what an adorable age your new baby (or hus band or house) is right now and Mr. Blythe-Owen of the Blythe-Owen studios is very anxious to make some little studies of you in your home sur roundings. He has a marvelous new camera, etc. etc. etc." Why has nothing ever been done about this maddening imposition? Why, because a woman happens to be born into a certain community or mode of life and feeds the suburban or North Side schools with her offspring, should she be hounded two or three times a week by the thin sweet child-loving voice of some photographer's secretary? And why are their voices all alike? — D. A. As a Matter of Business WHAT is undoubtedly the most refined booking agency in the city has monthly tryouts at Fullerton Hall in the Art Institute. Persons who think of a booking agency as a dingy hole where a fat man with a big cigar refuses to see budding Bernhardts and greater Garricks and a bored office boy bawls, "Notin' today!" would never recognise the Fullerton Hall organiza tion as a booking agency. Perhaps the soft voiced ladies who preside over it would object to that term, but surely this agency by any other name would book just as efficiently. As a matter of fact the organization is called the Chicago Conference of Club Presidents and Program Chair men, and its object is to help women's clubs find suitable talent to perform at their meetings and to help the talent find suitable meetings at which to per form. Lecturers, foreign and domestic, readers, singers, pianists, harpists, cel lists and so on ad saxophonium, appear before the conference and give samples of their wares, prices announced by the chairman. Harassed program chairmen jot down names and addresses or stop to chat with the artists at the end of a meeting; and another enter tainment is born. To become a member of the confer ence one must be, at the time of join ing, either the president or the program chairman of a woman's club, but — here is the delightful feature — once a member always a member, provided the admirable practice of paying dues is continued. After attending a meeting of the conference one understands why women become presidents and program chairmen. Aside from its obviously useful work, this organization undoubt edly provides the cheapest course of lectures and musicals to be found any where. — E. V. P. The Skyline's the Limit NONE begrudge the Illinois Cen tral or its stockholders their acres of potential skyscrapers between the good ship Commodore and the Crerar Library. Whatever the altruism of Mr. Markham's motives, he has elec trified. But his purification of our at mosphere is today practically nullified and for how trivial a reason. The Health Department had built up a corps of — as public officials go — pretty good smoke inspectors. They were watchful, persuasive and patient; Joe Szumulski in the second subbase- ment below Michigan Avenue was gradually learning how to fire his boiler so that the vapors emitted twenty stories higher up would not be out of keeping with the pure Ionic column into which the fantasy of some archi tect had transformed the building's smokestack. But there's been a shake- TUECUICAGOAN 27 up under the big top at the City HalL, The Boiler Department has snatched this responsibility from the dominion of Dr. Kegel and ('tis said) those of the old staff who shone primarily from their knowledge of thermodynamics (what's thermodynamics between friends?) are being given the opportunity to discover higher fields of usefulness. Whatever the reason, the present view of our famed skyline West from Grant Park makes the old I. C. at its worst seem like a small boy behind the barn with his first cornsilk cigarette. Those Scholarships JUST to make sure that Rhodes Schol arships had nothing to do with ex cellence in banditry or bootlegging, we looked up the requirements. They are: (1) "literary and scholaristic attain ments, (2) fondness for and success in manly outdoor sports, (3) qualities of manhood, truth, courage, devotion to duty, sympathy for and protection of the weak, kindliness, unselfinishness and fellowship, (4) exhibition during school days of moral force of charac ter and of instincts to lead and take an interest in his school mates." The three Chicagoans to receive this signal honor are John McDonough, Mr. Illinois, Bill Nash, Mr. Arkansas, and Eugene Goodwillie, Mr. America. John McDonough, '28, a Chicagoan by adoption, is the same McDonough who is well known to followers of confer ence football both on the field and through the loud speaker. He also has basketball in his repertoire. Bill Nash, who is only a sophomore at the Uni versity, has distinguished himself by his scholastic achievements and his prowess as a fencer. The third, Eugene Good willie, 1928 Rhodes Scholar at large from the United States is a native Chi cagoan, a graduate of University High School and Cornell and at present a law student at the University of Chicago. A Rhodes Scholarship provides the student with four hundred pounds a year for a three year course at Oxford University. Now four hundred pounds a year is not bad pay for being a rep resentative American, and three years at Oxford ought to be worth (with apologies to Sir Walter Scott) an age as a bondsalesman. It is worth a trip to Oxford only to learn to pronounce St. John, Sin Jin and Magdelin, Maud lin. Chicago gets a vicarious thrill at the thought of her three Rhodes Scholars; and if somebody tells King "Environment About the Hotel Fort Shelby, of Detroit, there's a charm that you sense even as you enter. And as a guest you soon come to realise that this is one of the world's truly great hotels. The Fort Shelby, with its 22 floors and 900 rooms, offers you accommodations of rare quality in an en' vironment of restful quiet and comfort. All downtown Detroit — theatres, shops, financial and wholesale dis tricts — is practically at the door. Whether you choose a room at $4 or $5 or one of the higher-priced especially large rooms or fireplace suites overlooking the city, river and Canadian shore, you will enjoy a particular sense of value in the Fort Shelby. Garage near. Guests' cars delivered without special service charge. Lafayette and First DETROIT •<>¦!¦ George about them he will get a big laugh out of a situation that plunges three men from Big Bill's town into one of the greatest hotbeds of English culture. — R. G. B. The Dinner Club WHILE the Big Men of a former generation of Chicagoans were at their counting houses it was not un common for their helpmates, the Mes- dames McCormick, Armour, Black- stone, et al., to welcome into the hos pitality of Indiana Avenue mission aries returned from the good work far afield. In fact, such assemblages were about the only opportunity afforded in those days to such as yearned to have opened up to them some segment of the Wider Horizons of the Great World. There were then but few other ave nues for the outlet of such aspira- tions. One might go to Harvard and become a permanent, if minor, dip lomat. Or one might furnish sinews of war to the Party and become a 28 THE CHICAGOAN Where HAVE THE UGLY DUCKLINGf CONE? WHAT has become of the quickly faded beauty of yesteryear — when women buried their youth in the thirties and sacrificed their loveliness to ignorance, neg lect and lack of care ? Where have they gone that only the vague memory of them remains ? Through the knowledge and world-wide experience of Helena Rubinstein, inter nationally famous for her notable contributions to Beauty Science, the ageing woman of thirty is to be seen no longer. Modern Beauty outlasts the years. Unlined skins — complexions free from every betraying sign of age — have become the established rule among clever women. AT the new, exquisitely ap- f\ pointed Maison de Beaute Valaze you receive the precise treatment your skin requires — The Newer Beauty, that complete per fection which embraces beauty of skin, hair and figure, is skillfully cultivated. Even one treatment awakens dormant charms — makes the skin receptive to the active Rubinstein prepa rations which arousesluggish tissues,awakenthecomplex- ion to health and loveliness. A course of treatments erases every age-betraying sign of "Skin-Fatigue," per petuates youthful beauty. Maison de Beaute Valaze 670 North Michigan Avenue For appointment Telephone Whitehall 4242 major, although temporary, one. Either course had its disadvantages. By the time the Third Secretary of Legation had finally risen to become "our Minister at Tegucigalpa, you know" the original savor of cypher and spats had pretty much evaporated. While in the other event, after four glittering years of it abroad, mother and the girls were apt to take a bit peevishly to the inevitable relapse into the milieu of the Evansville Country Club and the Lady Macabees. But nowadays of wider opportunity, given a modest minimum of income, leisure and wardrobe it is not so hard to become, if not perhaps strictly in ternationally elite at least internation ally initiate. Any competent corpo ration lawyer may wake up to find himself designated as an official un official observer, financial resuscitator or economic dictator to one or another of what Mr. Hearst's papers some times call with more truth than sym pathy "the small busted nations." In a good year the supply of visiting Queens, Blood-Royals and junketing Ambassadors is nicely proportioned to the demand for these items from 100 per cent cooperative chatelaines along Lake Shore Drive (vide Ruth Berg man's articles on this form of existence in earlier issues of The Chicagoan). While even the possessors of spare bedrooms in Winnetka and Oak Park may expect their quota of countesses during the indoor lecture season. IN summer, as variety for the Alps, cathedrals, or the Lido many ad vanced tourists have discovered the assemblies of the League of Nations. Each year has seen an enormous and in- 95% Permanent Guests ALLERTON HOUSE Michigan at Huron Chicago Six Floors Exclusively fop Woman Seventeen floors Exclusively for Men Extensive Comfortable Lounges No" Resident Women's Director Special Women's Elevators Fraternity Rooms Ball and Banquet Rooms Circulating Library Billiards Chess Cafeteria Athletic Exercise Rooms Allerton Glee Club in Main Dining Room Monday at 6:30 P. M. DON'T GIVE UP GOLF THIS WINTER The World's Largest Indoor Golf Course CRAIG WOOD Professional in charge 18 Holes — Driving nets Sand traps — 6 Water Holes Public invited. ALLERTON HOUSE WEEKLY RATES PER PERSON Single - • 812.00 — $20.00 Double ¦ • $8.00 $15.00 Transient • $2.50 — $3.50 Descriptive Leaflet on Request CHICAGO CLEVELAND NEW YORK TI4E04ICAGOAN 29 evitable increase in the League's budget for teas, cocktails and pamph lets skillfully dispensed to solidify the sentiments of the Travel-but-don't- Vote (at least more than once) section of American opinion. But better still, it is possible to water the fine flower of international goodwill right here in Chicago at nominal expense and almost no loss of time. There is the local English Speaking Union and there is the Chi cago Council on Foreign Relations. Their memberships largely overlap. Each enjoys the services of a person able and energetic young woman as Executive Secretary. Both confine their enterprises to luncheons or, occasionally, a dinner where nothing flows but words. ASSERTIONS of the First Burgher of this municipality to the con trary, there is not even a trace of con spiratorial zest in the doings of the elder of these bodies nor even in the secret conclaves of its directorate. In fact it was nothing other than the per petual platitudinousness of its parti pris which drove its more forward-looking members to organise the Council on Foreign Relations. Here half-a-dosen members of the history department of the University of Chicago furnish a useful nucleus of knowledge. The Chairman of the meeting is generally drawn from a panel of our leading barristers. One or two of these, precluded from any closing remarks are sometimes profes sionally inclined to sum up the case before introducing the witness. Aside from the law, however, the Biggest Men of our city,- like their predecessors when the missionaries came to town, are more often inclined to support the Council with their con tributions than their presence when the Results of the Recent South Silesian Plebiscite and their Possible Effects on the Locarno Agreement are discussed. What is known as a "rep resentative audience" is, however, gen erally to be found, its more classifiable elements consisting of some of the Big Men's wives, a sprinkling of the North Side's intellectually hardier debutantes, a few serious suburbanites and some dapper bond salesmen of the LaSalle Street houses which specialise in foreign issues ("Mr. McGurty, if you'd heard that Bolivian Senator speak last week as I did I'm sure you wouldn't have had any doubts regard ing the future of their country. Now Hand-Made Metal Furnishings Old world artistry combined with American ingenuity ma\e every product of the Metalarts Studios a real joy to the possessor. In these famous studios are manu factured metal furnishings of the better \ind, lamps, torcheres, fire side benches, tables, mirrors — both decorative and useful. From our Paris studios we import European hand-carved cabinets, chairs and tables, tapestries and objets d'Art. At present we have on our floors more than 2 JO different distinctive pieces — many of them originals you will see nowhere else. Our doors are open to the public from 9 to 5 . daily. Those of dis criminating tastes will appreciate our authentic values. Metalarts Studios 451 E. Ohio St. Chicago 89 Rue d'Hautville Paris Pilgrim' s Progress Mr. Simple pauses before a stern and rock-bound box office to contem plate the S. R. O. sign and shudder out into the night. Mr. Worldly Wise Man, having stopped by for excellent tickets at Couthoui, Inc.,* raises an ironic eye brow and enters the theatre with his party. *Mr. Worldly Wise Man knew, of course, that he could have made his selection from a Couthoui stand at the Congress, Blackstone, Drake, La Salle, Morrison, Stevens, Sher man and Seneca hotels, or at the Hamilton, C.A.A.. I.A.C., Union League, Standard, and University clubs. COUTHOUI For Tickets Anyone— — can "sell flowers." But care, intelligence, dis crimination and a sense of the fitness of things are attributes of the true florist. The added beauty and charm thus obtained, we feel, is very much worth while. Ernst Wienhoeber Co. No. 22 East Elm St. Superior 0609 914 No. Michigan Ave. Superior 0045 30 TWECWICAGOAN LUNCHEON — DINNER — SUPPER WHAT "THEY" SAY Petrushka is certainly finding favor with the beau monde these nights of glad ness. The Dowager, Herald & Examiner. Gives one the impression of being trans planted to the night life of New York and Europe. Chicago Attractions. The Petrushka Club takes its place as this city's first really Russian night elub and restaurant.— News. $etru*fjfea Club Elv Khmara. Manager Phone Wabash 2497 403 S. Wabash Ave. Spend Sunday Evening in ORCHESTRA HALL 216 S. Michigan Avenue at the famous £unfcag Enetuttg ©l«b Great Speakers: Harry E. Fosdick Wilfred T. Grenfell Stephen S. Wise Henry Van Dyke "Ralph Conner" Hugh Black CHOIR OF /oo- SOLOISTS ORGAN - SPECIALITIES - PIANO Newest Handicaps — Outstanding in polo news of the year are the handicaps just an nounced by the United States Polo Association. For this and other authoritative and interest ing information of the galloping game, read POLO The Magazine of the Game One Year $5.00 Two Years, $8.00 Three Years, $10.00 Quigley Pub. Co. 407 So. Dearborn St. Chicago, Illinois On Sale at Brentano's these Bolivian six-and-a-halvcs which we're offering . . . "). The suavity of these meetings is ruffled as rarely as a Women's Club between elections. So reasonable are these frockcoated travelling salesmen of the European point of view, so restrained and benevolent their re spective national aspirations that it is hard to remember sometimes that there ever even was a war. — D. A. H. Newsprint The Neighborhood Item ANYONE who believes that life in a local newspaper office is as peaceful as it is found in a small town fire department barn is mistaken. It isn't. And as the barometer has been falling on the number of agate lines of advertising carried, it is becoming more hectic from day to day. By newspaper office, we, of course, mean the advertising and executive of fices. The editorial end really doesn't count. Not in the real big newspapers, at least. Nice boys, these editorial workers, but there are not enough spot lights to go around and the advertising and circulation departments hog the glare. Most of the high blood pressure orig inated a few years ago when the statis tical experts, who make charts with green, red and blue lines on them, dis covered the amaring growth of the out lying business centers. Checkers dis covered that any number of families were purchasing stockings, soap and even patent medicines within a few blocks of their homes, instead of riding to the loop. "Something ought to be done about this," declared the experts. "A hun dred years from now, there may be big ger stores in the neighborhoods than there are in State Street. The time to get on their budgets is now." SO the conferences started. State Street must not be offended. The advertising from Field's, Mandel's, Carson's, the Fair, Boston Store and Davis represented nearly half the cash intake from display advertising. But here were two birds in the bush — a little scrawny, perhaps, compared to the one in the hand — but still birds, and they might grow. Light bills went up. Wives ate the evening meal with the children and told the neighbors how hard Will was work' ing lately — held down town for the third time in a week on important mat ters. The afternoon papers had to content themselves with a straight drive for business from these sectional stores at regular rates — using a few "news" paragraphs from time to time and add ing the names of the daughters of suc cessful neighborhood merchants to the list of debutantes in the social columns. BUT the morning papers had their Sunday editions to toy with, and after much thought and deliberation, the idea of the metropolitan section was born. Briefly the metropolitan section is a device whereby a store at Sixty-third and the Grove can buy advertising at about half the rate the State Street merchant pays. It is a six or eight page section. Three editions of it are printed- — one for the west side, one for the south side and one for the north side. West side advertising appears in the copies delivered on the west side only. Ditto north. Ditto south. The reading matter is usually identical. On a recent Sunday, however, I read that the politeness reporter of The Trib had found a Madison street cafeteria cashier the most polite person in a day's ramble and had given her a card calling for $50. I live west. I imagine southsid- ers read that some one on Indiana ave nue won $50 for being polite, and northsiders were probably treated to the surprising news that a Wilson avenue resident won the honors. SPLITTING up circulation at bar gain rates opens a wide field. It appears difficult, but within a few years it may be possible to reach, say, 90,- 000 dog owners in Chicago at 20 per cent of the usual rates. We may have sections printed in German, Span ish, and French at fractional costs for space. The hand stuffing of all of the Sun day papers delivered or placed on sale locally is said to be the most costly and annoying feature of the metropolitan TWE CHICAGOAN 31 Mill Hill INDIVIDUALITY but never eccentricity, such is the keynote of Scheyer Tailored Clothes. Sundell -Thornton Jackson Blvd. at Wabash Kimball Bldg. TEL. HARRISON 2680 Atmosphere Whatever you desire in restful comfort and quiet environment, your expectations will not be disappointed at The Or rington. Here you are sure of meeting the right people — those who live happily, quietly and in true comfort. Make an inspection today. Orrington EVANSTONl ILLINOIS Phone, University 8700 Evanston's Largest and Finest Hotel section plan. In fact, it is reported that to date the sections have failed to pay their way. Seriously, it is a big problem de manding a big solution. Few people want or can afford to buy a million cir culation. They want a section of that million, but they don't like to pay for the 800,000 or 900,000 they don't want. And if a million copies are printed, the rates have to be gauged accordingly. The Paris edition is food for thought. Maybe some day, we will have the Wil son Avenue edition, the Evanston edi tion, the Oak Park edition and a dozen others, developed along the line of branch banks. Piano manufacturers brought out an apartment grand. Oh, well, let's not be too serious. — EZRA. ART Principally Epstein s AT last, after the blowing and fum ing that for years has been coming to us as an echo of the tumultous career of that shocking modern sculptor, Jacob Epstein, the pearly gates of the Arts club are opened to him, and whoever will edge self-consciously through the doors of that Institution is welcome to see for himself. The work of Mr. Epstein on view at the Arts Club may be divided into three groups: (a) Scowling Madonnas. (b) Pained Cherubs. (c) Prophets. The last group may be further di vided as follows: (1) Bearded. (2) Unbearded. Further elucidation of the work of this man is futile. Epstein's sculptures cannot be explained and should not be discussed. They are personal. You either take them or leave them. The f^^m lANOARIN BRIDGE J-E-f Breath-taking Beauty! Quality! Chinese red, decorated, folding bridge set, with Boy and Dragon design in rich oriental colors — a de light to the heart of every hostess. Dainty loveliness in every line, yet strong and comfortable, con venient and lorig lived. Set folds into a carton that slips into any closet. Bentwood, round cornered; upholstered seats; decorated leatherette top; two conven ient ash trays furnished. Write now for prices on this delightful home equipment. — *'¦ -^'- ""- ¦»•»-»¦< COUPON spiap- Z)af#_ "Louie Rattetttr & Sont, 1369 Walt Street, Fort Wayne, Indiana. Send me folder about the Mandarin Bridge Set tell me where I can bay it, and the price. AddreM- ¦ ¦ — ¦ Why not inquire? for more than seventy years Mountain Val ley Mineral Water, unexcelled for table use, has been recom mended by physicians everywhere. Write today for further in formation on this fa mous water from Hot Springs (Ark.), or 'phone Monroe 5460 We Deliver As a most delightful mixer we suggest Mountain Valley Water (carbonated) or Mountain Valley Pale Dry Gingerale. Mountain Valley Water Co. 739 W. Jackson Blvd. Monroe 5460 North Shore Branch, Evanston Ph. Creenleaf 4777 32 TWECUICAGOAN cebidae capuchin — that is, ringtail monkey As beasts go, he has his virtues. A lively fellow with a wide acquaintance, he fidgets with a passion to find out things. He's hopeful, ingenious, affable and witty. Hasn't a prejudice in the world, and never heard of dignity. But — His interests are spread helter-skelter over the cosmos. He reads the Rover Boys and Romain Rolland — both avidly. He's late to Opera because he stopped to hear a fakir on the jews-harp. He misses three good shows a year because he can't get around to all the poor ones. When he ferrets out a notable restaurant, it's only after he's eaten in a dosen hash parlors. The people and things worth knowing, he misses because he's too busy learning of petty celebrities and hollow achievements. The Chicagoan would salvage C. Capuchin. Its pages are alive, wise, discriminating, written out of careful critical experience tempered with a thorough and lively knowledge of Chicago and the things worth notice. Not that it does C C any good. He's too busy reading the almanack. However, for the discriminating, the coupon quavers below. The Chicagoan 407 So. Dearborn St. Chicago, 111. Send "The Chicagoan1 one year $3.00— two years $5.00. Name. Address. City .State. .J man is, of course, a master. The five hundred or more heads in the room shout, as the visitor goes in trepidation down the aisle between them, "We are the works of a Master!" The snarling madonna with child that sits at the apex of the aisle, and is the object of the nervous approach, scowls forth the same message. "Master!" Epstein's work is not "modern"" in the sense that modern has been taken to apply to those works of art which are unrealistic, which are ritual in de sign and severely stylised in form. Ep- stein's work is "naturalistic," if it must be somethmgistic. It is very real, with the warts and lines and patches show ing on faces. The heads of ladies are almost all of one lady with coarse hair severely- parted in the middle, with back-pointed shape of head. The cherubs' heads are almost all of the same great-eyed child. The prophets are of sardonic-mouthed Hebrew men and of long-bearded Tagores. EPSTEIN'S work is all imbued with a provocative vitality, with the im patience of genius. Blood and fever seem to pulse up through the throats of his figures. The throats — there's the life. His hands seem to have grasped around these throats, to have felt them swell and throb. A slight curve, a twist, a torsion, and there is life. This tremendous sur-charge of vital ity is the only thing needed to explain Epstein as an artist, and as a classic artist. There should be a law against discussing him further. ALSO on display at the Arts Club are decorative designs by the Ger man artist, Moessel, brought here to decorate a palatial movie. I always wondered what sort of person concocted these queer labyrinthal designs in baroque and rococo motifs, with al- legorical figures and mosaic enrich ments, that cover the walls and ceilings of so many public buildings. The gen tlemen certainly give evidence of knowing all about art, and of being able to draw with some beauty and much profusion. In some of Moessel's things there is even the hint of a quietly laughing personality. His Greek god desses look rather bibulous. Anyway, I never was quite sure that people actu ally designed those twisted columns and arabesqual ceilings. Now I know. —ULYSSES JONES. AMPICO "^TO MORE delightful entertainment can be ushered into your home than an AMPICO, which brings all the music you love. Whether it be great or sim ple, classical, popular or dance — whenever you are in the mood to hear it — and always ideally played by world-famous artists. If you own a piano which is silent, or seldom played, exchange it for an AMPICO. You ll never realize how much real pleasure you are missing until you own one. The charm of music will nil your home with an abiding happiness, will vanish from your mind the cares of the day and bring to your heart a fuller appre ciation of the love and good will which surrounds you. Come hear the AMPICO today. Hear how perfectly it re-enacts the playing of the great masters of music. You can easily afford to pay the convenient monthly terms, which will be arranged to suit you. Enabe &mptco g>tubto£ STEGER & SONS PIANO MFG. CO. STEGER Building, Northwest Corner Wabash and Jackson KNABE — Official Piano of the Metropolitan Oftera Company "I always choose the Lucky Strike" LENORE ULRIC 6* It's toasted No Throat Irritation -No Cough.