For Forfoi^M- Ending September 22. 1928 R*9. U. S. Pat. Off. %®> I B88 r\ >> 7 . ±\. v> JlV i\ jl v JL! ASK THE MAN WHO OWNS ONE * * I suppose I have owned every really fine car built in this country. And I even im ported a couple. You know I drive myself and always get a lot of real pleasure out of my cars — not just transportation. A fine car appeals to me as much as a good horse. I quit experimenting three years ago and went back to my first love. That car has everything I want or expect in the way of looks and performance. You'll be glad you got a Packard. I wouldn't drive anything else. TWQCWICAGOAN 1 / H fashions nave come to town .... and now the first of the month has a special significance to the chic woman .... for the first of each month brings the new MARFIELDS coats .... dresses .... the latest suc cesses! Smartly different . . . perfect in detail . . . yet always mod estly priced .... that's how you know your MARFIELDS . . . and another way of course, is, to look for the smart little label. Apparel for Women and Misses, Sixth Floor ?l«n *li«ill Field Al Company TI4ECUICAG0AN si ni-nmrrii«Mr--Miirii> -"ii-in o^^remERmE^i^ OCCASIONS AUTO DE FE — A public, great, solemn renunciation of the straw hat, September 1?. EQUINOX— The beginning of winter, September 22. COMPENSATION— A new Chicagoan on the stands, also the 22nd. STAGE Musical GOOD NEWS— Selwyn, 180 North Dear- born. Central 3404. After a steady run all summer this collegiate song and dance piece takes a fresh start for fall still run' ning like Mr. Grange. Witty and tunc ful, sprightly and merry. Abe Lyman's music. Curtain, 8:20. Thursday and Saturday, 2:20. MT MARYLAND— Great Northern, 21 West Quincy. Central 8240. The Civil War, Barbara Frietchie and all, made tuneful by Sigmund Romberg with posi' tively the New York cast. To be re viewed. GREENWICH VILLAGE FOLLIES— Four Cohans, 119 North Clark. Central 8240. A lewd and merry show in the chaste Shubert tradition. The comical antics of Dr. Rockwell. Curtain, 8:20. Saturday matinee only, 2:20. Declaimed ELMER THE GREAT— Blackstone, 60 East Seventh. Harrison 6609. George M. Cohan and Ring Lardner put a bush leaguer's doings on the stage. Walter Huston admirable as the bush leaguer. The play likeable or not depending on your interest in such fellows. Curtain, 8:30. Sat., 2:30. Closing Sept. 22 for The Theatre Guild. THE SILENT HOUSE— Garrick, 64 West Randolph. Central 8240. A thriller with a bad old Chinaman. To be re viewed. Curtain, probably 2:30. Mati- nee Wed. and Sat., 2:30. BY REQUEST— Erlanger, 127 North Clark. State 2461. A George Cohan offering by the Nugents with Elliott Nugent. Old, reliable, surefire situations pretty well done. But who requested them? Curtain, 8:30. Saturday and Wednesday, 2:30. THE QUEEN'S HUSBAND— Cort, 132 North Dearborn. Central 0019. A com' edy with Roland Young. To be re viewed. Curtain 8:30. Saturday and Wednesday 2:30. MANHATTAN MARY— The Shuberts threaten this show for Four Cohans on or about September 15. THE TRIAL OF MARY DUGAN— Adelphi, 11 North Clark. Randolph 4466. Mary is balanced in the scales of justice with regard to a possible diet of bread and water. The press scandal gets the bird again from the clean, edifying THE CHICAGOAN PRESENTS Flight, by Walter H. Schmidt Cover Current Entertainment for the Fort' night Ending September 22 Page 2 Compatible Caravansaries 4 Notes and Comment, By Martin J. ^uigley 9 Intimate Chicago Views, by Burton Browne 10 The Tavern Club, by Charles Collins 11 Clubfolk, by Peter Koch 12 The Front Page, by John S. Martin.... 14 Society Scribblers, by Arthur Meeker, Jr H Authors, by Phil Nesbit 16 "Mary Ellen Tells All," by Samuel Putnam 18 Companionate Divorce, by J. Q 19 Ravinia of the Plain Voter, by Fran' cis C. Coughlin 20 The Cinema, by William R. Weaver.... 22 The Stage, by Charles Collins 23 A Lyric Pedestrian, by Nat Karson.... 24 Frederick Stock — Chicagoan, by Robert Pollak 25 A Good Loser, by Parke Cummings 27 Journalistic Journeys 28 Books, by Susan Wilbur 30 The Chicagoenne, by Arcye Will 32 Newsprint, by Ezra 36 London, England, by E. S. Kennedy.... 37 Town Talk 38 stage. Ann Harding stars. To be re viewed. Curtain, 8:30. Sat. and Wed., 2:30. THE COMMAND TO LOVE— Stude baker, 418 South Michigan. Harrison 2792. Described as a Continental Com edy Sensation, this piece is here princi pally known as a mildly naughty tickler. To be reviewed. CINEMA UNITED ARTISTS— Randolph at Dear born — John Barrymore in Tempest. (Re viewed in this issue.) Usually the best picture in town; always the best picture show. Polite company. No fireworks. Continuous performance. North GRANADA — Sheridan at Devon — Pictures that talk, stage entertainments produced by the consummate Albert Kopek, a cool, commodious cinema constructed in the not too Spanish manner. Continuous 1:30 to midnight. West MARBRO — Madison at Crawford — Best cinema entertainment west. Vocal cellu loid, musical humanity, stage notables in person. Princely but pleasant appoint ments. From 1:30 daily. South AVALON— Stony Island at 79th — An ar chitectural wonder and South Shore's favorite cinema. A speaking screen, a singing musical director, a magic atmos phere. CAPITOL — 79th at Halsted — Forerunner of the Avalon, architecturally, and still delightful. Pictures with sound, stage en tertainments, spacious parking grounds. SPORTS BASEBALL — Cubs: Cincinnati at Chi cago, Sept. 7, 8, 9; Pittsburgh at Chi cago, Sept. 10, 11; Chicago at Boston, Sept. 14, 15, 17, 18; New York at New York, Sept. 19; Brooklyn at Brooklyn, Sept. 21, 22; Philadelphia at Philadel phia, Sept. 24, 25, 26. White Sox: Cleveland at Cleveland, Sept. 6, 8, 9; Detroit at Detroit, Sept. 10, 11; St. Louis at St. Louis, Sept. 13, 14; Boston at Chicago, Sept. 15, 16, 17, 18; New York at Chicago, Sept. 20, 21, 22. NOTE: Sept. 20, 21, 22 are the last dates on which Babe Ruth is locally visible for the year 1928. POLO— The Kax Kah Khan Trophy play at Oak Brook, Sept. 9; General H. C. Hale Trophy, Sept. 16; The Campaign Polo Cup, Sept. 23, all at Oak Brook. Onwentsia vs. Miami Valley Polo and Hunt Club, Dayton, Ohio, Sept. 13-15; Onwentsia vs. Carranor Polo and Hunt Club, Toledo, Sept. 20-22. TENNIS— United States Sectional Team Matches, Chicago Town and Tennis Club, Sept. 20-23. [continued on page 4] The Chicagoan — Martin J. Quigley, Publisher and Editor; published fortnightly by The Chicagoan Publishing Co., 407 South Dearborn St., Chicago, 111. New York Office: S6S Fifth Ave. Los Angeles Office: 5617 Hollywood Blvd. Subscription $3.00 annually, single copies ISc. Vol. V, No. 13 — For the Fortnight ending September 22. (On sale September 8.) Entered as 6econd class matter at the Post-Office at Chicago, 111., under the act of March 3, 1879. TMECWCAGOAN / M() : I i' ••'- :^< «0 ^f- se lei 4 TI4E CHICAGOAN BEHEMOTH THEATRE LOVE AND KISSES VICTOR HOUSE— 9 East Grand Avenue. Delaware 1848. Italian and robust. Not at all pretentious, but sumptuous edibles soothingly put before the eater. IRELAND'S OYSTER HOUSE — 632 North Clark. Delaware 4144. Sea foods in all seasons in great variety. A me morable after theatre restaurant. Open until 4 a. m. L'AIGLON — 22 West Ontario. Delaware 1909. French and moderately ritzy. Pri' vate dining rooms if desired. Teddy Majerus is host. It pays to get ac quainted. SALLY'S— 4650 Sheridan Road. A break fast place until 9 a. m. or thereabouts, notable for a motley and interesting night life crowd from the Wilson Avenue trad ing posts. [listings begin on page 2] TABLES BLACKSTONE HOTEL — 656 South Michigan. Harrison 4300. A dignified, exclusive hotel known the world over as a high point. Irving Margraffs stringed quintette. August Dittrich is headwaiter. STEVENS HOTEL— 730 South Michigan. Wabash 4400. The largest commercial inn on the planet, yet nicely adjusted to individual service. Husk O'Hare in the main dining room for dance music from 6:30 until 9:30. Stalder is headwaiter. CONGRESS HOTEL— Congress at Michi gan. Harrison 3800. A show place with the wise and worldly society of the Bal loon Room and the boulevard glitter of Peacock Alley. Isham Jones gives way for Johnny Hemp's smooth band. Ray Barrec is headwaiter. PALMER HOUSE — State at Monroe. Randolph 7500. A comfortable, compe tent stopping place conveniently situated and made enjoyable by the Palmer House Symphony, a refreshingly adept orches tra. Mutschler is headwaiter. CLUB AMBASSADEUR— 226 East On tario. Delaware 0930. The best of the night places, suave, merry, aware and well gilded. And Helen, carissima, loveliest of night club hostesses. Helen Burke we here praise as a splendid singer, a notable red-head, a sweet girl and kind to her mother, but the handsome Italian adjec tive we all along intended for Helen De Lay. (Mention The Chicagoan.) John G. Itta is headwaiter. Closes 6 a. m. CLUB ALABAM— 747 Rush. Delaware 3260. A popular and merry club with an open air annex. Negro musicians by Professor Tyler. Entertainers. Gay peo ple. A novel Moorish room. Gene Har ris is headwaiter. Closes 7 a. m. CLUB APEX— 330 East 35th. Douglas 4878. A black and tan cabaret with something of the Harlem intellectual touch about it. Customers apt to be morons or millionaires. Professor Jimmy Newman at the music corner. Frank Sine is headwaiter. Never closes. CHEZ PIERRE— Ontario and Fairbanks Court. Superior 1347. A delightful and innocent club with a sprightly revue, good music — Professor Earl Hoffman — and nice people. Paul is headwaiter. Late enough. KELLTS STABLES— Rush at Austin. Delaware 2141. A show place notable as the noisiest of night clubs. The whoopee resembles a cheering section. Informal and cheap. Johnny Makely is headwaiter. GRANADA CAFE— 6800 Cottage Grove. Hyde Park 0646. A smart, young and lively night place opening to voluptuous music by Professor Guy Lombardo, Sep tember 10. Apt to be jammed week-end BEHEMOTH THEATRE TALKIE MOVIE SOUND 'orowna ¦ nights. Young, zestful customers. Gay est of the south side places. Billy Leather is headwaiter. COLLEGE INN — Hotel Sherman. Frank lin 2100. The best floor show and after theatre display in town. Diversified pat ronage. Professor Ray Miller orches trates. Considerable whoopee. Until 2 a. m. Julius Brown is headwaiter. Open ing October 1. PETRUSHKA CLUB— 165 N. Michigan. As yet no opening date is verified for this smart, exclusive Russian place. Floor show, a novel one, dining and dancing. No whoopee. Khmara, presumably, will be master of ceremonies about Sept. 20. VILLA VENICE— Milwaukee Road. Wheel ing 8. Perhaps the most beautifully situ ated road place in America, this excellent parlor will be open throughout Septem ber. [Applause.] ST. HUBERT'S OLD ENGLISH GRILL —316 Federal. Wabash 0770. The stately victuals of Albion pass in review. Present Arms! CAFE LOUISIANE— 1341 South Michi gan. Michigan 1837. Victory 10533. Creole cooking transplanted from New Orleans here affords opportunity for some of the most rapturous dining on this planet. Music for dancing (who cares) until 12. Mons. Max is headwaiter. A BIT OF SWEDEN— 1011 North Rush. Delaware 4598. Resolute Swedish dishes introduced by a hand-picked, splendid smorgasbrod though not as capable at the finish (no pun). RED STAR INN— 1528 North Clark. Delaware 3942. German food elaborately done and most satisfying in a quaint, leis urely eating parlor. JULIEN'S— 1009 North Rush. Delaware 4341. French table d' hote in stupendous proportions for a very hefty diner. A plain, modest, democratic table — some thing of a show place. Call for reserva tions and a forecast of the menu. MARINE DINING ROOM— Edgewater Beach Hotel. Longbeach 6000. A most pleasant, respectable dance and dinner choice. Compelling rhythms by the Beach Orchestra under the baton of Pro fessor Ted Fiorito. Very nice people. Very nice lake. Wildenhaus is head- waiter. Answers to the name William. LAKESHORE DRIVE HOTEL— 181 Lake- shore Drive. Superior 8500. Polished, well-heeled, competent — the heart of the Gold Coast and an- extremely civilized inn. John Birgh is headwaiter. DRAKE HOTEL— Michigan Avenue at Lakeshore Drive. Superior 2200. Larg est of the class hotels. The Summer Garden open until September 26, when Professor Doctor Davis leads his band through "Home Sweet Home." There after the Professor Doctor will hold forth under roof. Nice place, nice people. Peter Ferris is headwaiter. BELMONT HOTEL— 3156 Sheridan Road. Bittersweet 2100. SHORELAND HOTEL— 5454 South Shore Drive. Plaza 1000. Excellent hostelries, both, for dinner after an afternoon of motoring. FALSTAFF RESTAURANT— 524 South Wabash. Wabash 5810. A new and toothsome Italian house which will be increasingly popular as the opera season draws on. Even now opera headliners deck its tables. Private dining rooms for hire. Ralph Boccia is manager. Give th' Little Girls a Hand VASSAR HOUSE— 153 East Erie. Dela ware 3143. Profits on food here con sumed help provide a Vassar scholarship. Good place. BON APPETIT— 108 East Walton Place. Luncheons, afternoon teas and a high, rare standard of cakes and confections are here vended by alumnae of the Sacred Heart Convent to benefit that institution. New. TUECI4ICAG0AN two places where we moderns may buy marthe corsets "'t\t her famous little shop — 2,2, rue royale — paris — and at SAKS-FIFTH AVENUE New York 6 TMECI4ICAG0AN IF YOU ARE ADDICTED TO DIZZINESS? — particularly dizziness occasioned by high prices rather than high planes . . . the wonderfully low prices available now during Revell's Removal Sale will give you a marvelous feeling of relief! No matter what you may need for your present or future home . . . it's here . . . and the price will not subject you to dizziness. Revell'S at WABASH and ADAMS ; ¦ • ¦ ¦ TWECMICAGOAN 7 nwm in these splendid new cars which are now ready ? ? . """"CADILLACS t"n~LaSALLES "* ^FLEETWOODS See these new cars and weigh the value of these factors for mental ease in driving. { Syncro-mesh transmission permits gear change at any speed. No clashing. 2 Duplex four-wheel brakes operate with only a light touch on the pedal. 3 Steering gear handles car with minimum effort. A Adjustable front seat places brake and clutch within easy reach of any driver. C An even more powerful and smoother-running Cadillac-built, 90-degree, V-type Eight. ^% Pneumatic Control principle applied to Fisher bodies assures quietness. H Security Plate glass for safety. g Chromium plated exterior nickel parts provide permanent sheen. CADILLAC MOTOR CAR COMPANY CHICAGO BRANCH 2301 So. Michigan Avenue Buyers Who Prefer To Purchase From Income Will Find G. M. A. C. Terms Convenient and Economical THE CHICAGOAN "A Woman of My Position" HpHE bitter, bitter tears I used to shed. * Girls not nearly as good looking as my self, were invited everywhere, while my telephone almost never rang, unless it was a wrong number. And then came the day when a kind friend, how I shall always bless her, told me I had no style. She told me my clothes were substan tial looking, but they lacked any inducement to take a second look. And NOW I hear my friends say "But Josephine's clothes come from Paris." Nonsense, I tell them. My clothes don't come from Paris, but my style ideas do. I read The Journal's fashion page every day. I know every latest style develop ment from the articles of Jenny, Worth, Patou, Poiret, Drecoll, Agnes, and the fashion sketches of Eva Tingey in Paris. I'd sooner miss my breakfast than the fashion page of CHICAGO DAILY JOURNAL CHICAGOAN RECENT massacres in the name of the Dry Act reveal ^ additional convincing evidence in support of the con' tentions of those who maintain that Prohibition is really enforceable if it is gone about in the right way. These recent developments leave confused and bewildered the theorists who have been relying upon the argument that en forcement is not practicable. Of course, one may point out that before the ideal of strict and broadcast enforcement is attained there will have to be a considerable widening of the scope and application of these homicidal activities, but this does not refute the fact that a practicable and effective solution of the problem has been arrived at. In full justice to the solution which is being experimented with it must be acknowledged that as increasingly large numbers of the citizenry are mowed down in the streets and in the homes by machine-gun fire and the persuasive dum-dum the more alert and thoughtful of the survivors doubtlessly will remark to one another that this should be a lesson to us. ? A FTER all, it might be a good idea to encourage rather ^¦^ than oppose New York's plan for a competing world's fair in 1933. A simultaneous competition in world's fairs, while possibly a little expensive to both parties, would afford no end of compensations to Chicago. But such an eventuality falls considerably short of being even a prob ability. At the best, New York's announcement, appearing only as a half-hearted one, seems to be too much in the spirit of "Me Too" really to mean business. ? MR. WILLIAM R. STOUT, manufacturer of air planes, announced recently before a meeting of the American Society of Mechanical Engineers that "airplanes are now as foolproof as automobiles," which an nouncement may cause certain unprogressive and unimagi native persons to wonder whether the press of Mr. Stout's duties in the manufacturing of airplanes is so great as to make it impossible for him to take even an occasional glance at newspaper headlines. ? WHETHER to permit girl pupils to come with or without stockings will not be an issue tormenting the public school system at the opening of the Fall term and for this benefaction Mr. William J. Bogan, su perintendent of schools, may be thanked. In a word of high common sense Mr. Bogan disposed of the issue with the acknowledgment that, "such questions are none of my business and none of the business of the teachers." ? SPECIALISTS in the liquor market report prospects of a sharp swing from what has been a weak buyers' mar ket to a strong sellers' market within the coming thirty days. The market during the past sixty days is reported as having been a troublesome one, with wholesalers' reserves accumulating and only modest demands issuing from retailers. Vacation schedules, while commonly accepted as exerting a bullish influence on the market, are declared by specialists actually to be a detrimental factor. Large operators, it is pointed out, are generally out of the market and spot orders do not aggre gate a large volume. Leaders in the industry expect a return of flourishing conditions in Fall, declaring that political leaders are lending a publicity service that is bound to stimulate widespread and heavy buying. Crop experts are, as usual, non-committal as to quality. ? THE world's greatest office building, to be erected on Wacker Drive, has been appropriately named, "The Chicago Tower." This contemplated structure, tow ering 880 feet above the street level and affording a floor area five times greater than the largest existing office build ing, seems certain to be a world-wide advertisement of Chi cago which in this indirect way will fulfill a function equally as great as the immediate purposes for which it is intended. "The Chicago Tower," planned in such heroic measures, becomes an important civic interest. ? THE public's interest in football is gradually forcing this sport into the category of Big Business and the process is being accomplished with no good whatso ever to many of the plain and simple concerns of collegiate athletics. The revenue, of course, can be put to good use but many of the circumstances surrounding the successful athlete under the new order are such that fond parents may soon come to look with more apprehension than satis faction upon sons who are sufficiently expert to take part in the Big Shows. ? A NORTH SHORE husband and father who prides himself on the efficient functioning of his household recently engaged a chauffeur for his daughter's mo tor car. The prospective chauffeur, in keeping with the very best business practice, was subjected to an exhaustive oral examination on what he knew about operating a motor car and then compelled to answer in writing a long list of questions. Finally he was accepted, a favorable influence in the decision being the fact that he had just driven a car, owned by an acquaintance of his prospective employer, from Portland, Ore., to Chicago. Shortly after the chauffeur had entered upon his new duties he played the leading part in a rather bad smash-up. When the police arrived he was called upon to produce his driver's license. In a most assured manner he removed from a pocket a small, blue printed slip and handed it to the officer. The card was a notification to the driver that he had failed in his test and that his application for a license was refused. — M ARTIN J. QUIGLEY. 10 TUE CUICAGOAN Intimate Chicago Views Mr. James Ireland Returns Home After a Successful Day with Rod and Reel TI4ECI4ICAGOAN n Floreat Taberna! Tern-file of the Gay Heart and the Quickened Mind By CHARLES COLLINS THE Tavern is perched twenty-five windows there are soaring views to the stories above the asphalt at the four quarters of the compass. At its gateway of the new Chicago. Its aim feet are the traffic routes of the city's was high, and it has nested like the past, present and future — the old river eagle. From its parapets, terraces and of LaSalle, Joliet and the lumber schooners; the great lake which is an eternal back-drop for the civic drama; the jungle of a railway freight terminal; and the motorized pageantry of the magnificent boulevard. 333 North Michigan Avenue. Find a better site, if you can, anywhere in the world. There The Tavern has enthroned it self, slightly fantastic, like the king of clubs. There were many who waited to be shown when this organization was forming itself. There were conscien tious objecters; there were skeptics and scoffers; there were all of the mani festations of reaction that are to be encountered anywhere when anyone tries to start anything "But there are so many clubs!" "The membership is too large." .... "If you have taken in X , you'll have to get along without me." "This sounds like an attempt to wreck The Cliff Dwellers." And so forth, for one hundred cantankerous and obstructive points of view. I my self, as one of the founders of The Tavern, had to smile through a year of persistent razzing from two of my best friends. But tolerance is one of the principles to which The Tavern was dedicated. It was to be a friendly and good-na tured place, according to the genial con notations of its name. One of the 12 TWECI4ICAG0AN phrases written into its earliest mani festo was: "The gay heart and the quickened mind." So it laughed off the indifference and antagonism and marched forward with a clear faith that there was room in Chicago for the kind of club it intended to be. One of the earliest guarantees of its success was the keen interest and buoyant en ergy of its board of governors. We worked absurdly, and enjoyed it. We became a happy family, long before the club had a home. WE threw overboard the academic conception of an "arts club." We sought to recruit our membership as widely as possible from the artist class, but we did not care for art so much as for fellowship. We sought for men of intellectual attainments in any profession, including the great American adventure of commerce and industry. We wanted men of imagi nation and wide mental horizons, fel lows of hopes and hobbies without high-hats. We looked askance at puri tans, mandarins and the sacred cows of "culture." The Tavern, we hoped, was to be alive to everything of ro mantic zest in the American scene. It was not to be, we were convinced, a museum of gentlemanly stuffed shirts. Enchanted with this dream, we signed a lease on the twenty-fifth floor of 333 North Michigan Avenue be fore the pneumatic hammers had begun to articulate the skeleton of this rival to the Tribune Tower. There, we could see from the blue prints, the club would have a broad terrace for dinners under the enchantment of the moon, a roof for star-gazers, and rooms ar ranged to accommodate all varieties of clubman temperament from the solitary to the gregarious. They were fasci nating, those blue prints. We studied them like explorers poring over maps of the blind spots of geography and visioning new territories to be pio neered and colonized. The great break with tradition came when the question of decorative treat ment arose. It was inevitable, of course, that a club named The Tavern should attempt to house itself in the atmosphere of an old English tap-room. We flirted with the idea; sketches in "We threw over the academic conception of an 'arts club' " the Georgian manner were made and submitted to the building committee. Then somebody asked: "Why be so banal?" and somebody else said: "The style doesn't fit the rooms anyway"; and so we left the half -timber era to the golf clubs and turned our eyes to ward the future. "Let it be modern," we agreed; "yes, let it even be moderne." — "But com fortable," a Tory insisted, "for I can not take mine ease in mine inn on three-cornered chairs." So in its appointments as in its spirit, The Tavern fixed its determina tion upon modernism. WINOLD REISS, a leader in the profession of interior decora tion, was given the commission. He was also given carte blanche, with John Root, of the building committee, exercising the power of veto over the designs as they were submitted. The result speaks for itself. The rooms of The Tavern are the most brilliant ex' ample of modern decorative style in the country. There is gayety and origi nality, without eccentric affectation, in every detail. The Tavern, in its phys ical aspect, is a work of art. And being modern art, it has a dynamic quality; it refreshes and stimulates. The visitor to this Tavern drops down to the street and to everyday life, a better workman, at whatever craft he practices, than he was before, because the colors and forms of these rooms have put a new beat into his pulse and a new vibrancy into his nerves. Reiss, the decorator, whose interest in the club is purely professional, said when the ceremonies of dedication on the evening of June 28 included con gratulations for himself : "This is the biggest job I have done in which I was given a free hand. And consequently it's my best piece of work." A warning is herewith issued to con tributors to the American Mercury and other members of the intelligentzia who use the adjective "Victorian" as a term of abuse: If you are invited to The Tavern and observe the rubber plants which garnish the east solarium, be careful which way your lip curls. These are the rubber plants of Victorian domesticity, of course. They flourished thickly in the period of gold-fish bowls and horsehair sofas; therefore you may think they are a comic anachronism. But it happens that the once despised TJ4ECMICAG0AN 13 rubber plant has come back, and is now the dernier cri. Its metallic leaves, making strange patterns of stiff curves, lend themselves admirably to modern decoration. The rubber plant and the cactus are the saxophones of foliage, according to the highest European ex ponents of Vart moderne. AN officer of the richest, most austere i and most exclusive club on Michi gan Avenue came to inspect The Tav ern shortly after its opening, and ver bally beat his breast in this fashion: "My club has all the money in the world, but we can't think of anything better to do than to build ourselves a brownstone addition to our old quar ters, close to the pavement, down among the reek of motor-cars and the racket of traffic. And you fellows, starting with nothing but hope in your bank account, spring up and knock our eye out with this enchanted roof-top where there is inspiration staring in at every window! I envy your intelli gence." The Tavern has caused a stir in the town. It is a definite enrichment of Chicago life. Even the quiet Cliff Dwellers has reacted favorably and, in stead of biting its finger-nails over the idea of competition, has renewed its awnings and improved its cuisine. Floreat taberna! That motto, carved in stone on the club's terrace, was bap tized, at the ceremonies of dedication, by a shattered bottle of Burgundy bear ing the cobwebs of the pre-VoIsteadian era. As translated by James Weber Linn, orator of the occasion, it means, "Long may she wave!" Reform How About a Change in Our Weight Tickets Well, how about a change in our weight tickets? Long enough have we been reading meaningless fortunes, prophecies, omens or what you will on the backs of our weight tickets. If we must have printed matter on the under side of each ticket, and it seems we must, why can't we have sensible little sentences that are economically sound, or whatever the phrase is? We should like to propose a few apt remarks that could very nicely replace the time-worn prophecies that now exist on weight ticket backs. We are sure they would be beneficial to more than one person; at least, to more than one person of our acquaintance. But here are a few suggestions: "Have you returned Aunt Emmie's umbrella?" "Pay Fred those ten dollars." "Call the janitor about the leaking faucet." "It is on Wednesday or Thursday that you are to meet Agnes for lunch eon?" "Do your Christmas shopping early." "Return that library book." "Write to your congressman." "Is there an anniversary that you ought to remember?" "Get Cousin Lucy's new address from Mable and write her." "It's nearly time to put away the flannels in moth-proof bags." "Have you sent your check for foot ball tickets?" "Remember the Maine." Oh, there are any number of fitting questions and timely reminders that ought to be printed on backs of weight tickets. For people, we suppose, will go on weighing themselves, and the ordeal might just as well as not be made a useful one. — d. o. SCOTT. Poetic Acceptances Edgar A. Guest Accents a Warm Shower When, of Course, He Prefers a Cold One When I've slept all night and I wake up bright And my mind's in a pleasant state, When the birdies cry and the sun's up high And I'm feeling oh just great, And I needn't grope for my robe and soap On my dash for the bath room door, I want to cry and to slap my thigh 'Mid the icy water's roar. Yet some pretty morn with Phoebus reborn, My shower will be scalding hot. The janitor, new, will have tried to do A good deed; 'twill be his thought. Then I shall regret my shower, you bet, But I'll take it as a boon And I'll not find fault, I'll not call a a halt, I'll just take one again at noon. — DONALD PLANT. 14 "The Front Page" A Successful Obscenity by the Boys in the Back Room By JOHN S. MARTIN IN an inner chamber of the Daily K[ews there used to sit, not so long ago, a dark little goblin of a man with tousled hair and an inky stubble on his round jowls. The edges of his collar and his finer-nails were part of the color scheme. He looked like a third assistant printer's devil grown old and slovenly. Only the contemptuous glit ter in his eyes betrayed the Celebrity he was. An imagination as macabre as Saturday night on Halsted Street and a vocabulary like a philologist's bad dream had fumed together within him and resulted in the Thews' cele brated series, "1,001 Nights in Chi cago," by Ben Hecht. He had gained a kind of fame with "Fantazius Mallare," a pornographic opus pre cocious for its time in this country. He had begun to write plays and novels. He had escaped from being a Reporter. That picture, and the perhaps less uncommon sight of a tall young black Scotchman progressing from news scrivening in Chicago to the writing of lurid drama for Broadway, should be borne in mind by persons seeking the full flavor of Chicago's latest ordeal by drama, "The Front Page." It is a play about Chicago journalism by two men, Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthur, who hated Chicago jour nalism and got out of it. It is decidedly not a pretty play. It is bawdy and bitter and cynical and blatant. It would make the late Victor Lawson and, presumably, the present Messrs. McCormick, Strong, Thomason, Keehn and Shaffer curdle internally. It would disturb the Association of Commerce and deeply grieve Big Bill the Builder. Staged by Jed Harris, another man who thanks no one for what he's got, and directed by George Kaufman, a gentleman keen enough to see the thing's fierce irony and nimble enough to force it to a disarming pace, "The Front Page" struck the hedonists of Manhattan as some of the best enter tainment they had seen in years. It was so fast and furious, they said, that it must be true. That's the way every thing goes in Chicago, that terrific town, they said. Their theatre report ers, some of them Chicago "graduates," told them it was an Exact Reproduc tion. Some even recognized names and traits of the Chicago police-reporting era in which they played their parts; they recognized Elly Johnson and Walter Burns of the old "Inter-Ocean," and old Joe McHugh, and Carl Pan cake, brother-in-law of the late Frank Chance. THE scene throughout is the press room of the Criminal Courts Building, this city. The gentlemen of the press are waiting for a prisoner to TWECI4ICAGOAN be hung. They are a lazy and a sleepy lot, all but one; he is a toothy prig nominated to represent "The World's Greatest Newspaper." They relieve their tedium with poker and ill-natured obscenities. On the right is "Gents," a room perhaps never before staged in the U. S. On the left is the well of the building from which issues horrid clanks; the executioner is getting the gibbet ready. Upon this flyblown scene, to curse it good-bye, comes Hildy Johnson, star reporter of the "Herald-Examiner." He has a Girl, with an Uncle, with an Advertising Business in New York, with a Job and Secretary all Set and Waiting. He has his ticket and some of his girl's money. His ribald adieus to the Chicago press give him intense satisfaction. But he stays just too long. Shots rattle in the courtyard, includ ing the inevitable Chicago machine gun. The siren shrieks a jail-break. Whiz- zing lead shatters the pressroom win dows. The reporters scuttle like cock' roaches — all but Hildy Johnson. His news instinct drives him to the tele phone. He scoops the story for the editor he has just cursed to hell. THE pace quickens rapidly. While the other reporters go on the man hunt, Johnson buys the story of how the break was made, again delaying his departure for New York. Then the fugitive, a mild-mannered creature who- shot a Negro policeman in self-defense but must be hung because the Mayor needs the Negro vote, crawls in at the pressroom window. Johnson (played to the hilt, incidentally, by Lee Tracy of "Broadway" fame) hides him in a roll-top desk. A Clark Streetwalker, Johnson's girl, the Mayor, the sheriff,. the reporters, the girl's mother, John son's managing editor, tumble on in a. crescendo of melodramatic elaboration. The return to earth, which in "The Front Page" is jazz- journalism, comes as a thud of relief. But even that relief is churned by the stunningly sardonic last line (which everyone knows) where the Managing Editor drags Hildy back to the old racket by his coattails. The easiest and most accurate way to look back at "The Front Page" is with the T^etu Republic s academic critic. He found it exciting, obscene, demoniac, and a lot of other things, but he went in the first place because a friend told him: "You've got to see it! My God, it's vulgar!" TWECWICAGOAN 15 Society Scribblers An Intimate Survey of the Towns Pedigreed Penmen By ARTHUR MEEKER, JR. WE are the pests of the trade. The commonest nuisance that besets the Cook County intelligentsia. A sort of literary parasite that exists in every civilized or semi-civilized com munity. Nothing can kill us — neither rainy seasons nor runs on the market, Christmas rushes, visits from royalty, or that terrible scourge, a really dull summer. We are the joy of the social editors, the despair of the copy desk, and the sun never sets on our activity. In short, we are the Society Scribblers. Can we write? Don't be silly, of course we can't. But does that keep us from breaking into print whenever we can induce a publisher to overlook exotic punctuation in favor of social prominence? Also, no! Not even lack of remuneration discourages us, because we are economically independent and are more apt than not to turn over what slender cheques we do receive to the Anti-Cruelty Society or the League for the Propagation of Patagonian Po licemen. There are many kinds of Society Scribblers, but we all have one bond in common; our names must appear in the Social Register: Aside from that, we can be mad, bad, early Victorian, Artist Phil Nesbit's Caricature of the Author late Astor Street, or any thing else we choose. And we write — oh, how we write! Poems and plays, novels and newspaper articles, autobiographies and even, if nothing better offers itself, en dorsements for patent mattresses or some special brand of cold cream. Blue blood may be the best blood, but nowa days it appears to have become peril ously indistinguishable from fountain pen ink. TO assist your shrinking memories I shall recall a few of our famous local types. There is, for instance, The Business Man (or he may be a Banker, in which case he lives in Evanston) who writes on Conditions. What, exactly, are Con ditions? And what of it, anyway? Nobody knows, really, least of all the Business Man. But he has recently returned from six weeks in Europe — or maybe it was South America — and the fellows up in Room 99 at the Chi cago Club all seemed to expect — Well, he did keep a notebook on the trip ("Not that I'm a literary guy at all") 16 TUECmCAGOAN so he thought he might as well have his secretary jot down a few paragraphs on those mysterious "Conditions" and there you are! Five dollars per vol ume, bound in blue leather, and if you happen to have forgotten what kind of cigars he prefers, you might give it to your uncle for his birthday. But, I ask you, if the Business Man didn't live on Lake Shore Drive, who the h would care for his secretary's book? Then there's the thoughtful little lady who summers in a thirty-room place somewhere on the North Shore, surrounded by acres of weedless lawns, and composes with girlish enthusiasm a chattily intimate brochure, "Grooming the Garden on Tuppence a Year." (Tuppence is one of those little English touches to show she's been abroad, too.) I have nothing against this little lady as a writer. It makes very little dif ference in this sort of work whether you sow split infinitives as thickly as sunflower seed. What I do object to is her fatal tendency to lose her sense of values and to imagine that every little suburban wife can construct a Spanish pergola in her spare moments or clip a complicated box hedge with out an army of gardeners to assist her. Read "Grooming the Garden" if you will, but read it for what it is — a bit of sensational fiction, beside which the wildest fancies of Elinor Glyn appear palely probable and matter-of-fact. THEN comes that other lady who has "been somewhere." (Many ladies go places, but only the society ones feel called upon to tell you about it.) She may have crawled through the major portion of Equatorial Africa on her tummy hunting gorillas, or braved the Arctic Ocean in a more or less suc cessful attempt to harpoon a whale. (If this is the case, the resulting volume will be plump and costly and illustrated with rather blurred photographs, taken by the author, and a few slightly clearer ones taken by the author's chauffeur.) The Business Man — who zvrites on "Conditions' Or she may be one of those gentler creatures (in which case she is probably your aunt), who simply can't resist sharing her thoughts on "Blossom Time in Sicily" or informing an unwilling world what Chrysanthemum season in Japan does to her psyche. (Aunt language for soul.) In this contingency she is liable to turn poet in an unassum ing way — by which I mean privately printed at the authoress' expense. There is no end to the things this sort of scribbler will write about, Lom- bardy poplars, Alpine snows, the Seine at night, Five Little Fingers (an ode to Edelweiss) , and Spring in (a) Como, (b) Devonshire, or (c) Seville. No one has yet been able to explain to me why the flora of Europe should be so much more inspirational in this re spect than our native sumac and elder berries. Why not an Idyl on Liberty- ville Lilacs, or a few fleet lines on Winter in Waukegan? The aunts, who book their passage on the Beren- garia every April, have perhaps, not heard of these places. LOOKING back on my somewhat 0 acid remarks, I cannot help ob serving that most of the scribblers seem to have to go abroad before their books can be born. But it would be quite a mistake to suppose that we are all travellers, or that we are obliged to leave home to look for material. (True, I am gazing at the Jungfrau this -very minute, but my thoughts wing back affectionately towards the banks of Lake Michigan as I write, and I sigh when I think of all the cozy murders I may have missed since March.) There is a large class of highly in dustrious literati who confine their ef forts to purely local affairs. I feel a certain diffidence in referring to them because, actually, I am one of them my self. We are (I like to call us) the "Exposers." Our job is to spy out the secret sins of Chicago's Four Hundred, the social stratum that fringes the Gold Coast, and then to publish our sensa tional discoveries in paragraphs as pointed as we can make them. "Are Debutantes as Stupid as They Look?" "What Is the Matter with the Mod ern Clubwoman?" "Ten Ways How NOT to Get Into the Saddle and Cycle Club." What fun! It sounds easy enough, doesn't it? As a matter of fact, it is, up to a certain point. The only trouble is that, journalistically speaking, Chi- THE CHICAGOAN 17 cago is too good. An oversupply of dowagers and not enough gilded de cadence. Oh, if we only lived in Phil adelphia, where dissipation in tweeds— among the hunting set on the Main Line — is carried to a fine art, or even in dear old Boston. (Did you know that Boston matrons always marry their sons' room-mates at Harvard? Well, they do, almost invariably.) Chicago, you see, is too new to have any vices, except the more obvious ones. As it is, all we can do is to look hopefully toward the future, and watch and pray — especially watch! * N.B. Some one may conceivably write to the Editor of The Chicagoan complaining that I have made no men tion of playwrights in my list of So ciety Scribblers. But the reason for this is as plain as the nose on your face: None of us has ever written a play worth mentioning! What's more, I don't believe we ever shall. If any of my readers can give positive proof to the contrary, I wish they would let me know by return post. — A. M., Jr. Progress The Enlightened Projection of an Old American Custom D. BOONE KILLED A BAR ON THIS TREE— 1796. (Kentucky.) Joe Plunkett Killed a Chinaman on This Lamp Post— 1849. (Calif.) Col. Bennett Killed an Abolitionist, Jeremiah Makepeace, on This Spot — 1859. (Virginia.) Private Jeremiah Makepeace, Jr., Here Shot and Killed Brig. -Gen. Ben nett, C.S.A., Before the Union Breast works — 1863. (Pennsylvania.) Boss Tweed Killed $750,000 at This Desk— 1872. (New York.) Harry Thaw Killed the Wrong Architect— 1906. (New York.) Prohibition Killed The Demon Rum —1919. (Patagonia.) Angelo Fiocchi Killed a Pint on This Corner — 1922 et seq. (Chicago.) Guinevere Goo-goo Killed Three Diamond Rings and a Nice Emerald at This Night Club— 1926. (South Wabash Avenue.) We suggest tablets for these land marks. — GONFAL. Author of "Grooming the Garden on Tuppence a Year" Our Town Oak Park is full of trees and grass And Fords and children (middle class) — Lake Forest has a social glamour That makes reporters sob and stammer — Hyde Parke (see Edna Ferber's stories) Lives mostly in- remembered glories. The gang-and-gun men, as we know Live mostly out in Cicero. Streeterville, plus the Drake and Lake, Is like the frosting on the cake, Showy, expensive, and much sought By folks who pay more than they ought For rent, and, due to the congestion, Suffer financial indigestion. — DOROTHY DOW. 18 TWECI4ICAG0AN 'Pleasant, yes, and competently done, but not one original line" "Mary Ellen Tells All" While Ladies on the Riviera Ask Questions By SAMUEL PUTNAM CHICAGO'S scintillant— if un merited — career in crime started with the discovery that a hard-working holdup-man is a "bandit." But there was a reason for that discovery. If there had not been, it would never have progressed beyond the newspaper's city or the copy desk. That reason was the Business Office. For the Business Of fice knows that color is a paying com modity. Hence, the eight-column "streamer," which, standardized if not originated by our own dailies, has done so much toward giving American "Jour nalism" a truly American P. T. Bar- num character. What the average citizen does not realize — in spite of disgruntled mo ments, when he talks, unknowingly, of "big advertisers" and their pernicious "influence" — is that his newspaper, which, for a few pennies, brings the universe to his Elevated strap, morn ings and evenings, is not a philanthro pic institution, but a hardboiled busi ness enterprise. Mr. Upton Sinclair, it is true, has yelled this from the house tops; but Mr. Upton Sinclair is an extremely naive individual. Every time I read The Brass Chec\, I feel like making an adolescent notation on the margin: "You don't know the half of it, old dear; you don't know the half — ." For the truth is, the modern newspaper is not dominated by "big business" in the ingenuous manner in which Mr. Sinclair appears to imagine it is — for the reason that the modern newspaper is not naive, like Mr. Sin clair. Naturally, it has a perfectly frank class-bias — being quite as frank about its bias as any "radical" publica tion with which I have ever been fa miliar — but when I speak of it as a "business enterprise," I employ the lat ter phrase in quite a different sense from the one which the author of The Brass Chec\ would give it. The newspaper is a business enter prise in the sense that, so far as the news end of the paper is concerned, its business is to sell the news. And to sell the news, it must first have the news to sell. Now news is, in a man ner, an intangible merchandise, and sell ing news is something like selling air. In other words, it is a chimeric pro fession, this corralling of the windy breath of public rumor and report, and the peddling of it as one would peddle a pound of prunes or a bolt of cotton- goods. It is not strange, therefore, if it is one that makes for an unreal, chimeric, fantastic type of mind on the part of its practitioners. AND it does. The characteristic news-editor and news-getter live in a mythic cosmos, peopled with "head stories" and "eight-column lines." This is a cosmogony as far removed as could be from the stream of normal human life. The veteran city editor, in the Medill School of Journalism, tells his class: "If a dog bites a man, that's not a story; if a man bites a dog, that is a story." And as a result, editor, reporter and makeup man are incessantly on the lookout for specimens of Mr. Mencken's homo sapiens engaged in the act of taking a bite out of canines. And if the man fails to bite the dog — oh, well, why not have him bite it anyway? That is not — and please get this straight — to imply that any self-respect ing family journal would report a gen tleman as indulging in dog-flesh when the gentleman in question did not so indulge. Far from it. It does not take the beginner long to discover that the city desk has a most rigid conscience in such matters. I have never known a newspaper yet that would not dis charge one of its men who had been caught in the act of flagrant faking. The legend of the "reporter's fake" is a popular fantasy, like the mental pic ture of the reporter riding to a fire with the hook and ladder company. But there is another and more per nicious, because more insidious, variety of faking that is practiced daily by both desk and street men, and this is a form that consists in selling one's self a "yarn." It is the process gently termed "playing up the news." Those phrases, by the way, to "play up" and "play down" a story are, in themselves, sig nificant. Needless to add, the "playing up" occurs oftener than the "playing down" — playing up for a "head" or a TWECI4ICAGQAN 19 "streamer" that will mean street sales and impress the Audit Bureau of Circu lations. The result is, thanks to a trained rewrite man's fingers — for it is fingers rather than brain that function in such a case — a bit of thrilling prose for the homewardbound or workbound burgher. Back of it all is that jolly and pecu liarly Chicagoan institution technically known as the "eight-column line," or "the banner." Now, proceeding on the by this time ingrained assumption of modern journalism, to the effect that real news is bad news — proceeding on this assumption, the eight-column line was, or should have been, invented for the purpose of chronicling holocausts, presidential elections and similar world- disasters. But unfortunately, a presi dential election or other "holocaust" does not, by a beneficent providence, occur every day of the seven. Never theless, there is always "the line" wait ing to be filled and staring news-editor, makeup-editor, city editor, and even the reporter over at "the Bureau," in the face. What to do about it, what to do? WHAT would you, dear reader, do about it, assuming that you were dowered with your share of a by no means illimitable fund of human imagination? Might not even you be tempted to see in Mary Ellen, a some what frowsy young woman, at present languishing in the matron's quarters of the South Clark Street Annex — a frowsy young woman who has shot and killed her by no means civically im portant sweetie — might not you be tempted to see in Mary Ellen a chance to fill that eight-column "banner"? Especially when the boss, that is, the city editor, at the other end of the wire, impresses upon you, with fervent em phasis, the all-importance of "digging up something"? And so, when Mary Ellen, shifting her Spearmint, admits, after a night of hectoring, that "I dunno, maybe I did plug him after all. We'd had some drinks, you know" — when this admis sion comes, is it strange if "Buddy," who has the beat, runs to the nearest telephone and informs his city editor, and, a few minutes later, a rewrite man that "Mary Ellen Tells All"? And since there is no holocaust, and since the League of Nations is taking a day off, the fact that "Mary Ellen Tells All" becomes the news of the day. For the strange part is, the public takes the news that is purveyed it at the estimate of the purveyor. The wide-spread idea, cherished even by the editorial mind, that an editor gives the public what it wants, is basically fal lacious. The public has learned to want what it gets, until it comes to cry aloud for bigger and better Mary Ellens who will up and "tell all." As a consequence, street sales shoot up, the Circulation Department works overtime, and everybody — including Mary Ellen, but above all, the C. E. — feels that he has done a good day's work. Meantime, on the distant Riviera, a British lady is putting the question to me: "Is it true that you in Chicago actually encourage women to kill their — their men friends?" ight you were getting a divorce from Jim" I am, but our lease doesn't expire until October" 20 TUE CHICAGOAN TURNSTILE gates at Riverview click to an increased cadence. Within, a parade is passing and rumor of its passing has animated the waiting queues so that they shift and stamp and jostle. Inside, a short rush to the shoulder-high wall of onlookers brings one to the parade itself. Glorious. Masqueraders circle the park at a slow walk, huge grotesques, half again as tall as a man, bobbing solemnly in carnival; floats depicting outdoor life, a mode of being pleasingly unclad; floats depicting indoor life wherein Papa socks Mamma (in allegory), and floats exposing Neptune's lissome daughters, and floats exposing other daughters, and whole troops of Dutch girls, and old-fashioned belles, and cannibals, and sailors, and pantaloons, and villains, and clowns and mummers and small hula dancers, all pass in re view. To cheers. The parade over, its participants will gather on the auditorium stage before an open air audience and, amid more cheers, receive prizes for best individ ual costumes and best group acts. Nor is an unrewarded parader without glory, by no means. He, or she, is privileged to strut about in disguise Riverview - The Plain Vote Gl orious U £1 if ting — Moral — Edu By FRANCIS C COUGHLIN "The chief demon here abides in bliss and works his will from para dise — cheerful and zealous in his duty" and antic before the citizenry assem bled. Glorious. THE parade over, Riverview volleys to commercial life in the ballyhoo of a hundred barkers. For 1 5 cents one may interview the gentleman from whose chest grows another gentleman. Alive. Both of them. A marvel. For 50 cents, each, those artistically inclined may sit for their photographs. The studio is equipped with a mock horse so that the subject may appear on horse back in the manner of an English gentleman up to the hounds. Equipped, too, with an observation car; the group may wish to appear on tour — with no extra charge for a Yiddish sign setting forth that fact. Also there is the moon; one or all may sit comfort ably in its crescent and so be imperish- ably recorded to the envy of friends and relatives. A bit further along, wrongdoing is discouraged by a series of exhibits in charge of showmen dressed in convict clothes; these exhibits set forth various methods of lawful execution, as prac ticed by the several states, in elaborate detail. They are alleged, high-mind- edly, to be powerful crime deterrents. At 15 cents the lesson. Uplifting. Indeed, at Riverview one cannot escape the moral imperative. "Be Good," advises a sign, "It Pays." A sentiment elaborated in a sprightly skit which runs as follows: "Ouch," said the Girl. "Too fresh," said the Cop. "30 DAYS," said the Judge. The sweet ethical perfume of this last is somewhat vitiated by another placard which contributes a dubious slogan: "It isn't smart to pinch a girl. Any dumb cop can do that." Moral. BUT these admonitions are confined only to strenuous courtship. Riv erview Park does not discourage those gentle communications between sexes which are the opening, shy, delicate notes to the symphony of love. A tender maiden may salute a gallant youth with a handful of confetti — sud den and stinging as bird shot. If he returns the fusillade, they have been properly introduced. It is then correct 'Also there is the moon; one or all ma so be imperishably recorded to tin for them to view the marvels, or to drift slowly through the meanders of an artificial mill stream at the "Mill on the Floss," a dark labyrinth of tit tering wavelets much fancied by lov ers. Or the couple may ride a plane which swings securely from a steel tower. Or they may essay the chutes after a creaking climb in the elevator supervised by a moustached Charon, a climb followed by a gathering swoop over glistening water and a screaming, tilted instant when the boat rides its own spume to the far end of the chute tank. Yet if courtship be difficult and the maiden coy, there remains the Pippin. A ride like a crazy rocket guaranteed to fetch any maiden squealing to the nearest male comforter. I am told by Mr. Meyer Levin — an old Riverviewer — that the Pippin is nothing — nothing at all; he takes his oath upon it. But TWECWICAGOAN 21 r's Ravinia c at i o n al iy sit comfortably in its crescent and : envy of friends and relatives" then Mr. Levin is a connoisseur of roller-coasters and is pardonably blase. He himself has a private collection of roller-coasters numbering 160 specimens in all. On clear evenings he can be seen faintly to the South South-East with a good glass. He delights to give musicales for his friends, the whole party seated in coaster cars and en raptured by a string quartet from his bamboo garden. So the Pippin is noth ing. THERE remains the Bug House, center and symbol of the populace at liberty, delight of soldiers, sailors and marines. A huge structure, decorated by figures in the 1898 motif, it domi nates Riverview and is a beacon for those who like their fun in a forthright, understandable, non-diluted manner. One enters with trepidation. Passes across a naked stretch of flooring given to disconcerting upward gusts of air, squeezes, perforce, through a set of whirling canvas rollers and thus descends to the main arena. Panels in the floor tilt and turn under foot. Narrow runways jiggle and balk as the visitor crosses from one peril to another. Then a shriek of compressed air wails like a banshee in the vast room; there are mysterious growls from some unknown mechanism. The plain voter, together with his heirs, executors and assigns, swarms into the Bug House unabashed, expos ing his soul and his trouser's seat to what buffets chance and ingenuity may have in store for them. And he barges through affably, enduringly, heroically. One may, if one wishes, ride the platter. Customers scramble for places on the broad waxed disc. All set, the disc whirls slowly at first but with in creasing velocity. One by one sitters slip off. They do not land up against the banking in a sitting posture. They land. If able, they sit up. Finally a whole cluster of riders is whirled against the bunker. Occasionally a platter professor conquers the centrifugal urge and sits carefully poised in the exact middle of the whirling disc head bowed, feet and hands spread— -a pose of deep meditation. The bowl is a similar device. A whirling smooth depression with a boss in the middle. Once in motion it plast ers its occupants against its curved, ris ing sides and holds them in extremely impromptu postures until motion ceases. Educational. THESE diversions failing, one may slide the height of the building on a well waxed sitting slide. Or one may try the trick stairway which alternately advances and recedes underfoot. Or one may inspect the curved mirrors for an extempore freak gallery. Or finally, one may shoulder to the rail of a kind of balcony and look down on the tor ments of the damned still below, not forgetting to shout gleefully when a shrewd gust of artificial wind catches a fussy matron. One is reminded of saints at the bar of Heaven agog at impish pranks played out in the lively place, though by a curious heresy the chief demon here abides in bliss and works his will from paradise — and is both cheerful and zealous in his duty. Then, finally, the exit. Your true Riverviewer will countenance only one exit from the Bug House. It is the slide which discharges a patron at the feet of startled passers-by outside. And last, to bed. After Riverview, somehow, there re mains nothing else worth doing. "Then a shriek of compressed air wails like a banshee in the vast room; there are growls from some unknown mechanism" 22 TI4EC14ICAGOAN HThe CINEMA Where Frenzy Ceases By WI L LI A AND of the frenzy that laid siege to Holly wood when came the dawn of audi bility (if the in sidious idiom of the subtitle must be permitted mo mentary sway) looms, if it is not indeed at hand. The producing or ganization guided by Mr. Jesse Lasky has published its first vocally equipped picture and it is different. I assume it is no secret that Mr. Lasky is the best motion picture producer in the world. Al though his name appears remotely if at all in connection with "Warming Up," his mark is upon every phase of it. It would be Mr. Lasky, unsung con sulting genius for the brilliantly adver tised geniuses in his employ, who would weigh the synchronization mechanism thoughtfully and then apply it to his pictures with plainly discernible em phasis. It would be Mr. Lasky who would apply it first to what is termed a hokum picture, a baseball picture with the inevitable small town boy wonder and the ninth-inning victory. The picture would be enacted prin cipally on the baseball field and on a carnival ground, noisy and loosely gay places where a microphone would be bombarded with exactly the type of sounds a microphone transmits most faithfully. And in the picture a still actor so well liked as Richard Dix would not be made to risk his popu larity with his voice. It would be Mr Lasky who would make a sensibly sim ple picture like "Warming Up" as a simply sensible test of the audibility apparatus, for it is simple, sensible wis dom of this kind that has made Mr. Lasky. "As Lasky goes, so goes the screen" is an unwritten, even hotly denied, rule in Hollywood. Lasky has indicated plainly his belief that the loudly adver tised "sound effects" constitute an em bellishment, an additional tool for M R. WEAVER the entertainment- maker's kit, but that the cinemato graphic camera is still the most im portant instrument in the bag. The sheep can be de pended upon to follow and the cinema will return to its normal status among the more or less civilized in terests. AS these lines Al are written, the annual bicker ing about musicians and their wages is receiving its annual airing on the front pages of the daily newspapers. The reportorial skill em ployed in reporting the statements of Messrs. Petrillo and Miller, perennial spokesmen for musicians and employers, is a not inconsiderable thing. Last year's remarks are rewritten so well as to seem new and the whole matter is made to appear important. But I, for one, would prefer that the exact amount of wages paid to theatre musicians be left out of the discussion. I am always shocked to learn that the slightly bald gentleman who bangs the cymbals together twice or thrice during a performance at the Chicago is paid for this the same number of dollars and cents as the hairy first violinist receives for bowing Souvenir in a lavender spot light. If Messrs. Miller and Petrillo positively must haggle over something at about this time every year, I suggest that this gaping discrepancy be some how adjusted. And the exact payroll concealed from prying reportorial eyes. TIMID persons who climb to bal cony seats because the general at the main floor portal says there are no seats available, eye-witness evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, is here given the comforting information that a house rule absolutely prohibits the general's laying of hands upon a cus tomer. One may, without even the aid of a correspondence course in per sonality development, walk calmly into the auditorium and be seated. PAUL ASH is breaking attendance records at the Paramount theatre in New York. Al Kvale recently broke Paul Ash's attendance record at the Oriental theatre here. Both cinemas. The theatres, that is. are WHEN an actor in "Lights of New York" ceases speaking for the space of one sentence, resuming im mediately afterward, the censors have intervened. The operation is equivalent to lifting the needle of your gramo phone. The lips enunciate plainly. "Don't loo\ bac\ now, but right straight bac\ of you in the fourth row — the man with blac\ hair — well, do you remember what I was telling you at lunch the other day about being over to Mae's for dinner and meeting the lady from Ohio who \ept saying that she only \new one man in "h{ew Tor\ and he was a travelling salesman and she wanted to call him all the time and finally she did and he wasn't home but she invited his roommate over and he was a funny fat fellow who told us- about the man he wor\ed with who had been to France and had lost his leg or something in the war and had been deco rated and then gave his medal to some- stenographer and she lost it and her brother saw it later on a waiter in some spea\easy and the waiter wouldn't tell where he found it and they called the manager over and as\ed who the waiter was and he said he was some poor fel low; with a big family and everything and just then the place was raided and everybody had to get in Patrol Wagons and things and go down to the Police Station and that waiter wasn't among them because he had slipped out some bac\ way and he opened up a place of his own in some big old house and when we ran out of gin at Mae's party we called him and he sent his brother over with it — well, that man \inda. loo\s li\e him." —J. Q- TWECWCAGOAN September Cinema Tempest is a rickety vehicle for the slick John Barrymore. [Well, after all, it is Barrymore.] Just Married is just like that, James Hall and Harrison Ford finding new fun in the parlor-bedroom-and-bath. [See it.} Warming Up isn't much of a title for a pretty good picture in which Dix does in the ninth inning what he did last year at this time in the final quarter. [Yes.] Out of the Ruins didn't quite come out. [No.] The Midnight Taxi draws a sharp dis tinction between the honest bootlegger and the dishonest one, Antonio Moreno and William Russell talking now and then. [Perhaps.] The First Kiss was known as "Four Brothers" before being rebuilt for the camera, but it is still a very interesting picture. [Yes.] Lilac Time is a bit tremendous for Colleen Moore, who is, in her wee way, tremen dous enough for any picture; but it is, after all is said and done, tremendous. [See — and hear — it.] The Cardboard Lover isn't what you think it is, but it is Marion Davies and some other pretty clever and nobly tailored players and it has the virtue of complete silence. [Look, lightly.] Four Walls do not a prison make but a skull, it seems, sometimes does. The pic ture presents John Gilbert as the mental Hoadini who escapes and reforms every body. Houdini is dead. [Miss it.] The Foreign Legion marches and marches, under command of Col. Lewis Stone, and Norman Kerry plays the noble young mutineer, lover, deserter, hero, etc., with out removing his shirt or taking a bath. [Tune in Coon-Sanders.] Man, Woman and Wife is memorable as the second of Norman Kerry's pictures in two weeks in which he does not strip to the screen line and lather his torso with Lux. [Better turn in and try to get some sleep.] The Lights of New York is too long for a vaudeville sketch, too short for a stage play, too good to be called bad and bad enough to leave some doubt as to the ul timate function of the phonograph in the cinema. [Better inspect it.] State Street Sadie is so-called because the girl in the case is so-called and there really isn't any occasion for it — or the picture. [No.] Heart to Heart dares to prove, in this wholly undependable day, that several good actors can make good entertain ment out of practically no story at all. [Yes.] The Garden of Eden displays regal Co- rinne Griffith as a giddy young thing, rus tic Charles Ray as an amorous Parisian, and the rest of it is equally absurd. [Write somebody a letter.] Bringing Up Father is the title of a comic strip drawn by one George McManus for some newspaper or other. It is not a movie. [Walt is so much better.] Hot News flips the fleet Bebe Daniels through another fable about a flapper and shows how newsreels are not made. [Yes.] ^The JTA G B Hail! Hail! The Gang 's All Here By CHARL LABOR DAY t marks the turn of the year for school children and dramatic critics. When I come trudging back from the country upon this holiday of the proletariat with my kit of tools in my hand, ready to be gin a new era of exposing and in terpreting the theater, I always have the great thrill of passing from third to fourth grade. Per haps the faculty — Professors Shubert, Erlanger, Cohan, Ziegfeld, et al. — will have something fascinating to teach me. Perhaps I shall meet a romantic play mate after classes at the old stage door. For another year I shall pursue the illusion that the drama is a spiritually profitable adventure. . . . Yes, I grow almost sentimental on Labor Day. The new shows form a pleasant sheaf of programs. As a group they can hardly be called impressive, and yet as window-dressing for the fall open ing of the theaters, they make a shrewd appeal to the customers. "The Trial of Mary Dugan" and "The Command to Love" are credentialed hits, glamour ous with Broadway approval, and directly in line with current taste in play-going. "My Maryland" is full blown operetta, following the vogue of "The Student Prince" and "The Vaga bond King." "The Silent House" deals in that marketable commodity known as "the mystery of the East." But for the present they can only be catalogued. Labor Day and the dead-line of this magazine are antago nistic dates. The plays that rushed the season, hurrying here late in August, are the only ones that can be dealt with now. The activities of Mr. Cohan, therefore, get the break. Always a non-resident Chicagoan at heart, that eager author-manager has been shooting shows at us with some thing like recklessness or generosity. He gave us "Elmer the Great," at the COLLINS m Blackstone, for the ;' summer; and he j recently slapped |"By Request" into 1 the Erlanger and Iran "Whispering Friends" (of his own composition) into the Illinois. Mr. Cohan appears bent upon making Chicago a theat rical metropolis, even though his favorite traveling companion, a B roadway ard named Steve Riordan, once pro nounced this city "a double Newark." "DY REQUEST" is a round-up of LJ the Nugents, a stage family which defies the tradition that actors have no home life. Elliott Nugent, the young leader of the tribe, is the featured personality in the cast, and the play was written by himself and his vaudeville-wise father, hke "Kempy," "The Poor Nut," and the various other pieces which have testified to the talent and canniness of this mid-western clan of home-folks. Norma Lee, who is Mrs. Elliott Nugent outside of the thea ter, has that role in the cast of char acters; and J. C. himself, who reared this promising brood, wanders through the story softly dropping hard-boiled ironies. Ruth is the only well-known Nugent missing from this Ohio rodeo; and to recall that she is an extremely nice sister, and to regret her absence from "By Request," you have only to think back as far as the dramatization of "An American Tragedy," in which she played the too-generous heroine. The Nugents are the most typical American family now prominently en gaged in the business of play-acting. They speak the dialect of the Great Central Plain; they have its viewpoint and its culture. They would fit neatly, causing no concern to the neighbors, into any city you care to name between Massillon, O., and Keokuk, la. Their plays generally have had the Middle American quality, simply and honestly 24 TWCCWICAGOAN Eddie Cantor, who has sung more miles than Dan O'Leary walked, adds mightily to his pedestrial singing record at the Granada and Marbro theatres this week and next. Between sprints, he confers with Gus Kahn and Walter Donaldson on the score and script of his next revue. expressed. "By Request," however, is a little out of key with that spirit. It harks back to Massillon for its ideals, but it strives to be New Yorkish in its atmosphere. The result is not as happy an example of Nugentry as it might be. I feel the hand of Mr. Cohan as stage director in "By Request" as much as the play-writing mood of the Nugents. THIS piece is a farcical comedy dealing with the efforts of a young newspaper man from Ohio to adjust himself to certain phases of Manhattan sophistication. For example, he thinks that he must have an "affair" to com plete his metropolitan education, and finds an attractive young woman who is willing, even eager, to collaborate in a cynical romance. He strikes the atti tude of sin, but his morals prevent him from following through. He simply can't be untrue to his wife, although one of the Pullman Company's best drawing rooms and a delightful travel ing companion are placed at his dis posal. "By Request" is a thin comedy, writ ten without much sincerity or ingratiat ing treatment of material. The manner in which the New York types have been cast suggests that Mr. Cohan doesn't go around much in the best companionate marriage circles of the town. Mr. Nugent has given himself a somewhat unflattering role; the young man, although rich in morals, is poor in mentality. Miss Verree Teas- dale decorates the performance as the girl who wishes to show Mr. Nugent how pleasant it is to be naughty. " \ A /HISPERING FRIENDS" V V will have to be reviewed, for the time being, "by title," as the liter ary editors say. It's aborted opening at the Illinois, due to that familiar eco nomic complaint known as "labor trouble," prevented my intelligence de partment from reporting its contents to me at my summer home in Wisconsin before this issue of The Chicagoan was put to press. If I had made a special trip into Town to attend the opening, I would now be the maddest first-nighter in the world. As matters stand, however, I am perfectly satisfied to be innocent of information about "Whispering Friends," except for the fact that Mr. Cohan wrote and staged it. That is guarantee of a satisfactory show, although George's philosophy, in the comedies of manners which he has been writing lately, is not as mature as the tint of his hair. To permit an audience to assemble in a theatre for the premiere of a play, and then to dismiss it, with the at tendant annoyance of waiting in line at the box-office for refunding of ticket prices, was an absurdity on both sides of the fence. The impasse, due to a wrangle with the musicians' union over a technicality, could have been pre vented by a tolerant and socially- minded attitude on the part of the the atre's management and the dictator of the musicians. Both parties derive their reason for existence from the public; and an adjustment of their misunder standing without annoyance to the public should have been their first thought. TI4ECMICAG0AN 25 CMICAGOAN/ PHIL OTIS, in his workmanlike book on the history of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, notes, as he re views the year 1895, the appearance of a new face in the string section. There, "sitting quietly among the viola play ers," was Frederick William August Stock. Theodore Thomas had hired the youngster the previous summer in Cologne. He was the son of a military bandmaster, a pupil of Humperdinck, Zollner and Jensen, a thorough-going young musician with a fine German academic training and a strong desire to exploit it in the United States. By 1899 Stock had risen to the post of assistant conductor, and when Theo dore Thomas died, he automatically stepped into the great conductor's shoes. The rest is history. He has swung the baton in front of the noses of eighty picked men for considerably more than a quarter of a century. Dur ing only one brief and dismal period, when he was interned as an enemy alien, was he deprived of his post. And the rousing welcome he got upon his return must have been ample proof of what he meant as a man and a musician to the Chicago musical public. Stock's stature as a leader is magni fied when we sense the danger of losing him. No matter how the local intelli gentsia may quarrel with this or that musical policy of its orchestral chief, all is forgiven when M. Petrillo steps to the firing line and threatens to put the orchestra away for good. Mr. Stock, of a sudden, becomes, for musicians, a necessity almost like bread or wine. And as that same M. Petrillo and Mr. Oakley compromise for three years more, the sigh of relief is almost audible. HEN the toga of Theodore Thomas fell to Stock it put him under moral obligation to continue the great work of educating the hinter lands. Thomas labored under the severest financial handicaps and was subjected to bitter attacks from the local journalistic nit-wits of the 1890's. It must have been obvious to Stock that his job wasn't going to be all gravy. But he fell to manfully and I believe Der Herr Dirigent By ROBERT P0LLAK Frederick Stock no Chicagoan has ever seriously ques tioned his high value, his skill or his integrity. The word "educator" has a harshly pedantic sound. But Stock has an essential geniality that has made his professorial duties painless both to him self and to his audiences. It is only necessary to go to one of the children's concerts to find this out. A half thou sand young faces watch him with hawk like attentiveness. He becomes mildly instructive as he picks a simple com position apart, explaining the duty of this bassoon or that oboe. He never patronizes his juvenile family; he is not above cracking wise in an English salted with his now famous accent; and, un like that Eastern conductor who is now making his interminable speeches over the radio instead of in Carnegie Hall, he is never garrulous. For a gentleman so cast in the dig nified mold of the Mottle, the Richters and the Von Billow's he does some sur prisingly funny things. Several years ago he signaled for a repetition of one of Leo Sowerby's orchestral jigs. Esser, the principal viola, was gently napping. The theme was his to announce, so Stock had to pick it up and sing it robusto for about twenty measures. He arose to the crisis with enthusiasm, but one doesn't care to think what Esser heard after concert hours. After the Kussewitsky concert, a winter or two ago, Stock was asked how he had enjoyed the program. His rumored answer was that " it was a very exciting way to spend an evening once in a while." And therein lies pithy comment on the good and evil of Kussewitsky. STOCK'S fine intellect and extraordi nary memory have astonished even some of the veteran warriors of Euro pean orchestras. A new cellist came rushing up to Henry Voegeli after his first rehearsal in Chicago. He wanted to know what kind of a man this Stock was. In rehearsal he gets through twice as much twice as fast. And the newcomer insisted that Stock had actually led his band through a mighty poem of Scriabine with his left hand while he calmly blue-pencilled another work with his right. He has, in most cases, a generous at titude toward young talent, both in composition and performance. Brink- man, Leo Sowerby, Barre-Hill, Gitta Gradova, to mention only a few, have been awarded hearings and presented with the impetus and prestige that only appearance with a first-class orchestra can give. In his direct co-operation with the various musical societies of the city and with branches of international musical organizations he always has a weather eye out for striving young com posers and virtuosi, and in many cases it is through his agency that they get their first big fling, either as pop con cert or regular week-end soloists. As a conductor Stock impresses more by his solid worthiness, his dignity and musical honesty, than by the fascinat ing extraneous effects characteristic of Stokowski or Toscanini. He is sturdily valuable, a veritable civic institution 26 THE CHICAGOAN 'I will leave it to Vice-President Perkins, gentlemen, if I didn't get a birdie on the fifth hole" like a bank or a museum and hence of the highest importance to a community like our own. He builds distinguished programs, although he has a sound enough business head not to run after compositional novelties that are not im portant enough to justify the high roy alties demanded for their performance. He is, I believe, convinced that contem porary German composition is not worth taking over-seriously and he re turns each summer from Europe with very few novelties in his portfolio. Probably, in his secret heart of hearts, he is waiting like so many of us for the giant who will come after Wagner. And yet, when he does present new music, no matter how far from the canons of Bach it may be, he gives it all the power and presence he has. The five orchestral pieces of Schon- berg caused a near riot in Orchestra Hall. And there was even some ninny- guffawing from far corners. But the listener felt that Mr. Stock knew Schonberg was someone to be reckoned with and his face was sternly condemn atory as he left the platform after the demonstration. On the dais he is never sensational. His arms move angularly, his face is remarkably expressive. Seasoned or chestra players tell me that his beat is at first quite deceptive and it certainly appears so from a seat in the pit. In Brahms we feel, perhaps, most at home with him. His Brahams is perfectly restrained, yet eloquent, masterfully combining the best elements of the classical and romantic traditions. In the fourth movement of the Fourth Symphony, for instance, he builds a cathedral of tone on a fine theme and the net impression is unforgettable. It is patent, too, that he loves to con duct music in the grand manner, his own arrangements of Wagnerian epi sodes or the monumental tone poems of Richard Strauss. In a piece like "A Hero's Life" he can't be beat. With out thought of the grandstand, without trace of the charlatanry of fancy ges ture or mannerism, he pulls the very heart out of orchestra and audience. And when it is over he smiles his bland smile, bows cordially and exeunts left. In his attitude toward soloists he ex presses an unmistakably genuine hos pitality and toward his men, a fatherly pride in whatever they accomplish as individual artists. All in all the Herr Diligent is a pretty big man. And one that Chi cago must never lose to the half dozen American cities that, given the chance, would grab him in a minute. With the cessation of union-orchestral asso- ciation hostilities we may feel that he's safely anchored, and that he will con tinue to carry on the tradition that Thomas built up for us. And a fairly new grandchild and a still newer sum' mer home at Ephraim will be invalua' ble in helping to keep him at the job. Congratulations From a Good Loser "VA/ELL, well, well, Phil that V V was a beating you handed me! Honestly I never saw you play better — especially your putting. In fact it's a wonder you didn't beat me worse than seven and six — although of course my approach shots were a little off. "Still I was playing mighty well — m-i-g-h-t-y well — everything consid ered. You know you were on the green in three on every hole except the third and the fourteenth so naturally I couldn't expect to beat you — even if I THE CHICAGOAN 27 did manage to get into every other sand trap on the course. Oh well — ¦ "Yes sir, Phil, if you keep on shoot ing golf like that you'll be a nominee for the Walker Cup team. I mean it. You're getting better and better every day — outclassing me — especially when I tend to hook from the tee the way I did this afternoon. Still, you deserved to win — I think. "I always say it's a pleasure to lose to somebody who's really playing well. Til admit it makes me sore as blazes to beat myself, but when the other fel low trims me that's a different matter. I like to be a good loser. And that's just what you did; you beat me your self — more or less. After all my weak ness with the irons was only disastrous on three or four holes. Still no use crabbing when you play with borrowed clubs. "You mark my words, old man, you're coming fast; and I don't mean if. Be a sport now and admit you never got so much distance on your drives, did you? ... I knew it. Yes sir, I'll admit that you'd have beaten my best today. I've never played as well as you were — as early in the sea son. Well, here's how. I suppose I ought to be worrying about my rot — No kidding, Phil, you were good!" —PARKE CUMMINGS. Repartee Serviceable Answers to the Inane Greeting, "Hello, Elmer, What D'You Know" "The Norman Conquest began in 1066." "Uncle Franklyn has the gout." "The moral philosophy of Epicurus is a qualified hedonism." "Oliver Goldsmith was born in 1728 and died in 1774." " 'Rabbit' Maranville batted .260 in 1917." "Ramona, da-da-da-da-da-da-daaaa." "Dunstan made reforms at Glaston bury before the revival of Danish in roads." "Nathaniel Hawthorne was the author of Twice Told Tales." "Margaret, one time Countess of Flanders, was known as 'Black Meg" (Zwarle Griet). "Ted Coy was one of Yale's great est fullbacks." "Just before the battle, Mother, I was thinking most of you." (Or some thing like that.) — DON CLYDE. THE SPELL OF MUSIC — the lights dim — the Maestro raises his baton — the hum and murmur of thirty-five hundred voices is stilled — the Maestro's baton moves — it draws from the orchestra pit the woof and web of delicious harmonies. What better entertainment could you offer your guests than an evening at the Civic Opera? Whether you plan to entertain in a large way or a small, you will find that an opera box pays enor mous dividends in social prestige and pleasure. There are still a number of boxes seating six available for twelve evening performances and two Saturday matinees at the Audito rium this season. The cost is $970.00 and $750.00 according to location. A few boxes are avail able for alternate weeks, four- seated boxes at $325.00 and six- seated boxes at $485.00, for six evening performances, and one Saturday matinee. Another attractive box offer is that of five special Saturday matinees, Nov. 10, Dec. 8 and 29, and Jan. 12 and 26. A horseshoe box seat ing six for these five perform ances may be had for $300, and a side box seating six for $225. Details of location and further information may be had by tele phoning or writing the Opera Box Committee, Auditorium Theatre, Congress Street, Chicago. Tele phone Harrison 1240. THE CHICAGO CIVIC OPERA The Baldwin is the official piano of the Chicago Civic Opera Company. 28 THE CHICAGOAN X f WHAT D'YA SAY "What D'Ya Say"— Harry Richman and Frances Williams. From George White's Scandals. "I'm on the Crest of a Wave" — Harry Richman 4008 "Tishomingo Blues" — Duke Ellington and his Orchestra "Yellow Dog Blues"— Fox trots 3987 "Dream House" — Fox Trots. Vocal chorus. "Darling" Abe Lyman's California Orches tra 3970 "Sergeant Jock McPhee" "Granny's Highland Hame" — Sandy MacFarlane, tenor, with orchestra 3933 Always something new on Brunswick Records There's new snap, rhythm and pep in Brunswick Records PANATROPESRADIOLASRECORDS "Let us flee from these horrid newspaper photographers" JOURNALI/TIC JOURNEY/ "Federal Agents Today Raided — " By FRANCIS C. COUGHLIN 44 YES," says Ted (the name will do as well as any other), "we were knocked over the other day. Spent a night in jail. Quite an experience." Three sit in Ted's office, a comfort able bootleg headquarters in a respec- table Loop building. The third man is a young lawyer; we listen amiably as Ted goes on. Ted knows how to tell a story. Nor is his talent an altogether uncultivated kiss of genius. Three years at the Uni- versity of Chicago, polo with the 'var- sity, a nice taste for letters during and after college — these things have helped. Then, too, five years in the liquor in- dustry, a half decade of daily contact with its runners and salesmen, peddlers and fighting men, its big merchants and gentlemanly clients, such years mould a man in the suave fashion of the world as it is. Ted has nothing of the bond salesman's frolicsome oafishness. The lawyer and I light cigarettes (Ted does not smoke). He continues: "I had a premonition the minute the door jarred that afternoon that some thing was wrong. It shoved open sud denly, as though the man opening it expected to find it locked. Of course, it's never locked. And in they came. Two fine looking young fellows and a couple of hick constables. The leader walked over to where I sat reading. 'Special Investigator Gill,' he said, or something like that, and showed his badge. I looked at it. Said yes. And settled back reading. I believe I asked if there was anything I could do for him. He said, 'No, thank you, but THE CI4ICAG0AN 29 let's all go in here.' To the other room. Of course, there were no guns flashed, none of the newspaper stuff — at least not with us. "IN the meantime the hick constables 1 were searching high and low, rum maging around aimlessly. They took everything I had and examined my pocketbook and key ring with the dreadful, high, mysterious manner of stage detectives. For some reason one of them grabbed onto a receipted bill for the birth of my daughter. The bill flabbergasted him, so that when he returned the rest of my belongings he clung to it, puzzling out the writing. I asked him if I might have it back; I told him I had only one infant and rather prised the papers. He said, 'Oh, sure,' and handed them over. "In the meantime another sleuth had found liquor in the safe. You can find plenty liquor in the safes of half the business men in town. But that was enough. They decided to take us along. "Just then the building manager stormed in, putting up a loud and vir tuous front. Of course, he knew we were in the racket, and we knew that he knew, and the federal men knew it too. Gill, the leader, turned on him like that. 'We're federal agents,' he said, 'and we're in charge here. Get out.' The building manager got out. We all laughed. It was really comical. "The next thing to do was to take us to the station and turn us over to the city cops. Because there wasn't room for all of us in the raiding car, one of the government men asked me to stay, and I said I would. This man, Edward Gill, stayed with me. We sat and talked. ' ' f** ILL, you know, is part Cherokee vJ Indian. He is under indictment as one of the raiding party on which Agent Franklin shot Merle Adams in the City Hall Square building. Gill is alleged to have slugged Adams with a blackjack after the shooting. But he's a very pleasant fellow, about 30, I should judge, and he's a handsome guy. Looks like a hero right out of Richard Harding Davis. Like Captain Mack- lin. I don't know about the slugging. It's hard to get anything straight. In fact, we talked about the affair. " 'Gill,' I said, 'the newspapers are certainly after you men.' 'Yes,' he agreed, 'the papers are giving us a bum rap all down the line. I leave it to you, Ted' (he had heard our men call SttERIDAN ROAD '-..v.... _J ultra Chicago's Newest Group of Distinguished Apartment Homes All of Which Look Out Upon the Exquisite Yacht Harbor QUITE naturally one expects to find Baird & Warner sponsoring the unusual. And in 3240 Sheridan Road you will find a synthesis of creative effort by artist and artisan which sets these apartment homes forever apart from the commonplace. From its foundation,to the topmost cornice of its twentieth story, 3240 has been built with one thought ever dominant: Quality in all things, large and small, external and in ternal, visible and invisible. Please accept our invitation to visit the Model Apartment, planned by Colby's to illustrate the unlimited possibilities for individual expression in these luxurious apartment homes. You are welcome from 9 A. M. to 9 P. M., every day including Sunday. The visla of golden sunlight on the turquoise waters of the Yacht Harbor, as seen from the living room, will linger in your memory. . . I FOUNDED 16591 INCORPORATED CO-OPERATIV E HOMES DIVISION , 7 _ 646 N. MICHIGAN AVE. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 30 TOO LATE FOR A KREMENTZ BAND! DON'T accuse Junior of culpable negligence when the gradua tion gift tail-spins to ruin. No wrist watch is safe that trusts its life to the ordinary buckle-strap. That's why Krementz Wrist Watch Bands are taking so big. There is no buckle! Instead there is a trim metal casing that holds three expanding links. Opened, the strap forms a loop that slips on or off— over the hand— or up on the forearm when washing the hands. Thus the horror of drop ping the treasured time-piece is gone forever. In Krementz Quality Rolled Gold Plate, Krementz Wrist Watch Bands are offered fitted with leather at 87.50; with flexible Milanaise Mesh, $12.50 and $15.00. Your jeweler also has them in solid 14 kt. or 18 kt. white, yellow or green gold and in solid platinum. Write us for name of nearest jeweler. KREMENTZ & CO., Newark, N. J. me that), 'I leave it to you. This man Adams was a big man, a powerful man. He socked one of our men in the jaw — the man is still in the hospital — and made a break down the hall. What could Franklin do but let him have it? The newspapers didn't mention that, of course'." Ted paused as though weighing a piece of evidence. "I don't know how true Gill's version is," he went on, "but that is what he said. Well, we sat and talked politely until the car came back. A nice, pleasant talk. Chesterfieldian, really. Very calm, very cordial, very frank. It seemed that we were two gentlemen involved in a vexing situa tion and that we must settle it honor ably and with decency. 4 41 ASKED Gill if I might call Mrs. 1 to let her know I would not be home for dinner. He seemed sorry that he had to refuse. But he let me call as soon as I was in jail. He trusted me not to give her instructions about lawyers and so on. And I didn't. "Oh, yes. A funny thing. While we were waiting for the car our deliv ery man came in. When the agent pounced his star on him he stood gulping. Awfully funny. 'What's in that?' demanded Gill, pointing to a package. Andy just gulped. Finally he stammered, 'B-bb-bacon.' 'Ahhh,' said Gill, 'bacon, eh?' And grabbed the package. It was bacon! "The car came and we went to jail. "The city cops were terrible. They always are. Damned ignorant, arro gant gorillas. After being properly cursed as part of the lockup routine, and after I'd spelled my name a half dozen times for the idiot lockup keeper, we were all held incommunicado. "Gentlemen, have you ever seen cockroaches? Then I commend the lockup at South Clark. Swarms of them. Too many to kill. And dirty, mouldy bread shoved through the bars for us to eat, also infested with roaches. And fetid water to drink out of a dirty dipper ladeled through the bars from a dirtier pail. God only knows how the poor devils in jail survive. Most of them only harmless tramps. "Then there was the conversation between a suspected taxi-cab thief called 'Four-six-bits,' arrested, he said, for owing a cab driver $4.75. " 'Hey, Lockup, lemme telephone.' " 'No, you ain't booked.' " 'I am, too, booked.' " 'No, you ain't.' TKECWICAGOAN " 'By , I am; the dicks said I was booked.' ' 'Well, by — — , I said you wasn't booked. Them dicks don't know noth ing. ' " 'Are yuh gonna lemme telephone, yuh flatfoot?' " 'No, I ain't. Shut up.' " 'Aw, c'mon, officer' — and so on. For some reason the keeper didn't beat up the fellow; probably thought he was crazy, and very likely he was. "Anyway, we played rhummy all night and got our hearing in the morn ing. Of course, as soon as the federal men were gone we got our lawyer on the 'phone. Cost us a double sawbuck ($20). / / ^> OMMISSIONER WALKER v-/ heard our case. A rather amusing thing, too, in his chambers. These federal boys threw the newspa per men and photogs out — they won't give the papers a lookin, you know. Threw them right out of the court room. I suppose illegally. "An agent named Coyne, one of the boys who raided us, was pretty san guine. Whew — the bond he demanded! Our lawyer turned to the commissioner and smiled. 'Young Mr. Coyne,' he said, 'is very enthusiastic' Neat satire, isn't it? And the bond was just about half what Coyne wanted. So we paid up and walked out free men. Not that I have anything against Coyne. He is a nice lad. About 24, I should judge, and a law student. Just had a touch of buck fever. A hard-working agent. "Most agents are. They make, the oretically, about $3,000 a year. And I don't envy their jobs. Everybody in the prohibition service is spying on everybody else; they work 'em in gangs so there's no chance for individual graft. It must be a degrading, thank less, hang-dog business, with everybody down on the poor devils doing it." Ted polished his nails and yawned. "Oh, well, that was all there was to the raid. The case doesn't come up TUE CHICAGOAN 31 for some time yet; federal dockets jammed. The agents must have tapped wires to get the information in the first place, and that, I understand, is illegal. I know they tapped wires for the raid in which Adams was shot. And I cer' tainly didn't see any warrant when they crashed in here. "Honestly, the whole business is so futile it's funny. So long as Prohibi' tion goes on, bootlegging will go on. Everyone knows that. It's just a mess. So it goes on. Come on, men — " We three get up in the neat office with its pictures of Lincoln, Roosevelt and Washington on the walls and pre pare to leave. "My bail?" Ted answers a question from the lawyer. "One thousand dol lars. But, of course, the firm pays that. It's what you other business men call overhead. "In honor of my freedom, Gentle men, I'll buy your lunches. We sell to the restaurant and I have an account there. I'm esteemed by the proprietor." We go to lunch. "Who Said It?" Questions Submitted for the Trib~ une s Diligent Intelligentsia Department Who said: 1. Git away from them swingin' doors, li'l gal? 2. Four score and seven years ago? 3. Ump-diddy-ah-da-boom-boom? 4. Gawd, you should saw me last night? 5. Don't cry, little girl, I'll buy your violets? 6. The best things in life are free? 7. You play bridge like a second lieu tenant? 8. Don't go in them lion's cage to night, Mother? 9. Here it is Easter and not an egg in the house? 10. Why don't you take up golf? Real Charm -Real Comfort At The Whitehall THE WHITEHALL is charming because of the simple elegance of its Early American fur nishings. Each apartment bespeaks quiet and dignity — a new and original feeling of home and home happiness. The location — less than a mile from the loop and just west of the Boulevard — is ultra convenient. The apartments range from 1 to 6 rooms, embrac ing all modern conveniences with complete hotel service. A few apartments are available unfur nished — some have wood burning fireplaces. Note worthy are the many windows, abundant closets and particularly pleasant corner apartments with two and three exposures commanding marvelous views of lake, boulevard and city. 21 Stories high — smart in every detail — yet most moderate in rentals — this distinguished building promises new living comfort in an entirely new environment. Now Leasing for September Occupancy = THE = APARTMtNT HOTtL HOMtS 105 EAST DELAWARE- PLACE O. E. TRONNES ORGANIZATION— Exclusive Agents— WHITEHALL 6300 32 TMECI4ICAG0AN Now in Service! The Two Finest Trains in the World 9kQkw North Westehv LIMITED CHICAGO • ST. PAUl . MINNEAPOLIS Shortest Route A MERICA is noted for the wonderful _/jL trains both in the East and West and it is a real achievement to place in service a train that can stand para mount to everything. Such a train is the New North Western Limited. The elegance of its furnishings, the distinctive appointments, smoothness of operation, its superb cuisine, the high character of its personnel, all con tribute to make a journey on this fine equipage the utmost in travel comfort. Lv. Chicago ----- 6:30 p. m. Lv. Evanston (Davis St.-) - 6:49 p. m. Lv. Milwaukee - - - - 9:00 p. m. Ar. St. Paul ----- 7:00 a.m. Ar. Minneapolis - - - - 7:35 a. m. (Jk%w Corn King LIMITED CHICAGO - OMAHA ¦ SIOUX CITY NEW as the morning's news in every detail, the Corn King Limited marks a new era in de luxe transportation between the Great Lakes and the Missouri River. This train of splendor, operating over the only double-track railway to Omaha, which is protected by auto matic train control all the way, provides an overnight journey that is unequalled in restful- ness, safety and elegance. Lv. Chicago - - Lv. Oak Park - - At. Council Bluffs Ar. Omaha - - 6:05 p. m. 6:21 p. m. 7:00 a. m. 7:25 a. m. Ar. Sioux City - 8:15 a. m. Hyatt quiet roller bearings, for added comfort, are a feature on both of these fine trains. For full information, reservations and tickets apply TICKET OFFICES 148 S. Clark St. . . . Tel. Dearborn 2323 226 W. Jackson St. . . Tel. Dearborn 2121 Passenger Terminal . Tel. Dearborn 2323 Passenger Information Tel. Dearborn 2060 CHICAGO «£ North Western RAILWAY "I want something for my son in University." "May I suggest haberdashery, the third floor; golfing things, the sixth; or the new pipe shop on seventeen?" BOOK/ Webster, Van Vechten, and the Truth By SUSAN WILBUR THERE are those who still think that the third commandment is a simple matter. Who spank their chil dren for telling them. All the same if anyone really wanted to be misleading, there are times when truth has the other thing beaten off the map. For instance, in Henry Kitchell Webster's new mystery story, "The Quartz Eye," when the scientist tells his sister that it was Linda Defoe, leading lady in the Follies, who had been eating supper with him over the Bunsen burner. Carried a little farther, the truth has TWECI4ICAG0AN 33 even been known to give the effect of excellent poker. In Carl Van Vecht- en's "Spider Boy," for example. Am- brose Deacon, playwright and genre author, has been kidnapped to Holly wood to write scenarios. He is terri' bly bored. He tells them so. He also tells them that he doesn't know a thing about pictures, that he is getting so much money from his last legitimate play that contracts don't interest him, that all he wants to do is to go to Santa Fe and visit a sick friend. And what happens? Pro ducers give him appointments ahead of time, and then raise their own antes. His hostess turns the key in his bed room door. And when he finally does manage to escape — out a back window of Imperia Starling's bungalow — they telegraph the sheriff at Santa Fe to hold him. AND those other beautifully sensi- i ble things that occur so often in the conversations: "111 kill him!" Im peria screamed. "Now, dearie, if you do that, you'll spoil your digestion. You can't eat your victuals after murder," Mama expostulated breath lessly. An occasional description of a costume: "She wore a corslet of soft blue feathers." Or of the possible con sequences of Ambrose eloping in a milk wagon and then falling off it: "I can't imagine what the fans will think if they find out. You never can tell. The fans are peculiar. They are entirely through with Rosalba Dolfinger because it became known that she did not eat turkey on Thanksgiving. They have shown conclusively by remaining away in vast crowds from the theatres where her pictures have been announced, that they do not care for Lily Harris' latest lover. They have lost interest in Stella Which because her pet bear bit a neighbour's child. Only time and the fan mail will show what the fans will think about a guest of Imperia Star ling's, and a distinguished guest at that, who has behaved as you have." "Spider Boy — a scenario for a mov ing picture." For a super-special in fact. By the opening night of course there wasn't much left of the original idea — and even the original idea hadn't been precisely original with Am brose. The title went last, but even the title went — changed to "Love and Danger." Quite miraculously, how ever, Mr. Van Vechten has salvaged it all — even the bits that were left lying about on the cutting room floor. French Lick Springs Toning Up in the Cumberlands French Lick Springs Hotel register is a veritable "Who's Who" of society. Spend famous Fall months in the Cumberlands — with tonic, refreshing breezes — -with vivid tints in the turning foliage — with sparkling days and reposeful nights. The two 18'hole golf courses are in prime condition — the un crowded fairways tempting talent to achieve new records. Each course — the Lower and sporty Upper — has its own fully equipped Club House. The bridle paths are articulate with merry laughter and the ringing staccato of horse'hoofs. And, surpassing European spas, Pluto, Bowles and Pros' perine invite visitors to renew vitality, pepping up for winter social demands. The natural sparkling curative waters of the springs are prescribed by eminent physicians. The invigorating baths are as delightful as they are health'giving. And excellent food and service do their part to make your visit unforgettable. Get physically fit, while indulging in the varied outdoor recreations of America's greatest resort. Monon trains leave Chi' cago at 9:00 p. m., arriving at 7:00 a. m., or you can leave at 9:00 a. m., arriving at 6:00 p. m. Or, motor down over hard surfaced roads through a scenic wonder' land. Ample garage facilities. Write or wire for reservations French Lick Springs Hotel Company French Lick, Indiana "Home of Pluto Water' 34 TUECWCAGOAN ror Beauty MCCE THAN jriN DEEP AMOR SKIN — Europe's Scientific Beauty Discovery SCIENCE tells us that under the skin are myriads of tiny cells which must be kept healthy if the skin is to remain firm and lineless. There lies the foundation of beauty, not the outer skin which may be momentarily beautified by temporary artifice. There, too, lies the secret of the success of Amor Skin. This marvelous discovery by German scientists penetrates beneath the skin. It helps these cells to function naturally. Thus it aids in the restoration or preser vation of the lovely contours of youth and in the correction of lines on face, neck and hands. Amor Skin is unlike anything you have ever used. It is an or ganic preparation that beautifies in nature's own way. Delightful to use and unqualifiedly recom mended for every woman who would rejuvenate or preserve her beauty. Amor Skin is packaged and sealed in Germany and imported to this country only by Amorskin Corporation, 1 Steinway Hall, 111-113 W. 57th St. New York AMOR SKIN eyfs ^, 1 SK about Amor Skin at any of the leading department stores, drug stores and specialty shops or send coupon for interesting booklet. Single Strength (for women between the ages of twenty and thirty-five) $16.50 Double Strength (for those beyond thirty-five or for difficult cases) $25.00 oy^JAR o Amor Skin is sufficient for six months' treatment if used as di rected. £1 & NDORSED by prominent physicians both here and abroad. Amorskin Corporation Steinway Hall, 111-113 W 57th St., NewVork Please send booklet ch \ rhe CWICACOCNNE What We Will Wear By ARC YE WILL BY rapid leaps and bounds we are now discovering what we will wear this Fall. While the complete lines have not as yet safely navi gated the Customs Office, still there is much to be seen. The prevalence of transparent chiffon vel vet is almost epidemic, especially the printed ones which to me are boring. Black velvet with soft white lace is good (many styles are to be observed) and they are really much smarter than you may suspect. Plaids too are again having their day in velvet com bined with silk in the same pattern. Polka dotted or brocaded satins as well as tulle (lots of it) are displayed for evening to make us once more enticingly feminine. The fabrics for "Le Sport" are different than last year. Tweed and knitted goods, many of them somewhat the texture of camels hair, are frequently to be seen with a white or metal fleck. At Jacques, 612 S. Michigan Ave., is a lovely Royal blue ensemble of knit wool material. The coat is straight with gray krimmer tailored collar and diagonal band at top of cuff. The dress (above) having a fur pocket and diagonal tucks front and back running down to and forming the side pleats. The softly tying collar and cuffs are of matching blue silk. A black ensemble (flecked with white) of the same material has a sweater blouse — of white and gray — large white button on the pockets, and a knitted angora flower. These, by the way, are being used a great deal on everything, including evening dresses. Yes, on evening clothes, very hard to wear, but smart for the ingenue. Speaking of which there is one here that is heavenly. Black velvet with a very low oval back. A tight wrap around belt which goes quite low and fish net all sticky out around the bottom and a nice big pouf over each hip. I pray thee be slender and, wearing it, hold the head high with the assurance a Boulanger model de serves. M long sleeved night ies. A pale green with ecru chiffon ruffling on collar, cuffs, pockets and on each sideof front open ing. And the reverse, a peach with green chiffon pleated collar (in points) and on the cuff. An applique design of green and five little pleats in front of skirt. Beauti fully made and quite chic. Entente cordiale preserver, I'd say. Spauldings are show ing a new little powder box, the only one of its kind I have ever seen and just adorable. About two and a half inches long and a little more than half as wide. It opens as an old fashioned powder table does. The top, opening to each side, forming a triple mirror. The cover to the powder itself being the center of this. Lifting this, one finds the back of it holding a magnifying mirror which shows more than just the face. A diamond clasp at one end serves to close the whole. The utility of this, not scattering powder when just a glimpse at oneself is desired, deserves commendation. Carl Delmont, Inc., has everything in the way of household linens from thirty cents (hankie) to ten thousand dollars (lace table cloth). The most attractive things to me were those employing applique. Bou doir pillows of handkerchief linen with contrasting border and small floral de signs scattered in the center. Sheets and pillow cases with the border of different colors delicately scalloped in shell design. Lunch cloths with napkins are soon to arrive from France and TWE CHICAGOAN 35 those that I saw were exceptionally dainty looking beside being guaranteed color fast. Luncheon sets of silk and linen, the cloth 50 by 50 with an all over design (in turquoise, brown and orange) and the six napkins with one corner in like manner for $20 were charming. For the new baby a pink satin comforter embroidered with rosebuds and lined with blue for $22.50 was another real find. The exquisitely beautiful lace runners and cloths you must see for yourself. They have a large selection and are most agreeable in showing them. COMMONWEALTH EDISON have a hand size vacuum that for true service is incomparable. It is called the Fedelco Jr. and sells for $19.50 (about the same as the extra parts to a large vacuum). It has a small brush on the end and the bag is about as big as a hot water bottle. This is attached to a very long thin lamp wire so that the operator can walk a long way without changing the connec tion. Ideal for cleaning curtains, furni ture or vehicular upholstery. Also found a new marcel iron called "Tru marcel." This is a fine toothed comb arrangement which you place in the hair for each ridge of a marcel. By pushing it in reverse on each ridge you can easily and quickly have your wave conform to your accustomed style. And of all things, discovered that they sell stockings here! Service and chiffon weight both for $2.00. Full fashioned and all popular shades. Imagine that? Well, if drug stores sell automobile tires it must be all right. For workpeople whose nerves are shattered in the early morning hours by the insistent clang of an alarm clock, has been devised a small clock (all pastel shades) which, at arising hour, will play a melodious little tune. Price $10.00 at all leading department stores as the jingle goes. * I've been intending for days to thank Primrose House for the lovely box of creams and skin lotions sent me. All of their specialties are on sale in the Drug Store of the Edgewater Beach Hotel beside a large show case on the main floor where you can see them complete and decide for yourself. The Skin Freshener is a favorite of mine and I can whole heartedly vouch for its sooth ing qualities after a hard day's shop ping in enervating weather. BRUNSWICK HUtlODC !£!™ RAD I OLA JL HE music of the past is recreated from Pana- trope recordings of artists. And out of the air comes the music of the present, received by Radiola with pure, true volume and perfect tone. For artistry and scienti fic achievement, there is, perhaps, no other in strument in the world that can be compared with this supreme combination of Panatrope with Radiola. / An Electrical Instrument offered by your elec tric company. E COMMONWEALTH EDISON C LECTRIC SHOPO 72 West Adams Street . J&!§lcmCAGOAN 407 So. Dearborn Street Changing residence? The Chicagoan will follow yon — making its first fortnightly arrival three weeks after notice — if you will fill in the appended form. (Name) (New address) (Old address) _ - (Date of change) „ _ 36 TWE CHICAGOAN The Pearson Hotel, distinguished for its quiet air of refinement, is one block east of North Michigan Ave nue. While the Loop is quickly ac cessible by bus or taxi, many prefer the short walk. The Pearson con sistently maintains the high standard that guards quality. The appoint ments, furnishings, service and ad dress are attractive to families ac customed to live well who wish to escape the obvious inconveniences of the more remote sections. Such families appreciate the opportunities provided for quicker social and business contacts. The PEARSON HOTEL 190 East Pearson Street Telephone Superior 8200 Special Monthly Rates Upon Application Daily Rates, Single. $3.50 to $6.00; Double. $5.00 to $7.00 NEWSPRINT Lection Might By EZRA IN every newspaper office in the city, preparations are being made for the gathering of returns at the general elec tion November 3, at which time the voters will name thousands of office holders from president down to precinct committeemen. Here the newspapers are at their best — performing a public service of inestimable importance. And it is the function least understood and appreciated. Everyone takes election returns for granted. No one stops to think how they are gathered, or who foots the bill. If the newspapers did not per form this service, possibly some other means would be devised to inform the citizen, a few hours after the polls have closed, as to just how the nation has voted. It is hardly probable, however, that any other agency could perform this service with the speed and ac curacy the newspapers have attained. Around midnight, November 3, you will know whether Herbert Hoover or Albert E. Smith is to be the next presi dent of the United States. The news papers will see to that. It will be days before the official vote is available, and weeks before the electoral college casts the official vote. YEARS ago, election returns were a great ballyhoo for the news papers. You could stand in front of their offices to watch a stereopticon throw figures on a screen, purchase extra editions, or call up your favorite newspaper to receive telephone bul letins. In any event, the fact that the newspaper was" giving you returns was strongly impressed on your mind. But since the advent of the radio, the aver age citizen flits from station to station over the dials, getting a snatch here and there, and at the end of the evening it is very probable that Atwater-Kent, Kellogg, Zenith or Majestic gets the major share of the credit for the serv ice. To make possible these bulletins, newspapers of the country have spent weeks in preparation, hired thousands of assistants, and spent millions of dol lars. In the smaller cities, the news papers gather the returns direct. In the larger cities, they gather them through their organisations, locally the Associ ated Press, United Press, City News Bureau and other agencies. Chicago and Cook County returns are gathered by the City News Bureau, an association maintained by the daily newspapers. Space is given the bureau in the county building and the election commission extends full cooperation. But it is the newspapers that stand the major expense. TO the person unfamiliar with newspaper work, the room in which the returns are gathered is an astounding spectacle. Years of experi ence, weeks of preparation and care in the selection of even the most unim portant help hired for every operation gives an incredible smoothness to the proceedings. Save the click of type writers and comptometers, the light buss of telephones, and the low hum of necessary conversation, noise, con fusion and bustling have been elimi nated. Thousands of telephone calls from hundreds of precincts are received; votes taken; recorded; sub totals, and totals registered; figures for newspaper bulletins drawn off at regular intervals — hour after hour, without a break. What the Bureau is doing for Chi cago, the Associated Press is doing for the state and the nation. There is no red tape. Speed and accuracy are in sisted upon. And at the newspaper offices men who have studied election returns for years are ready to interpret what it all means. Shrewd political writers are able to guess fairly accurately on the outcome of the vote in the entire city, county or state, by comparing the first few scattered precincts with their per formance at the last few elections. It is almost uncanny. The only time the system ever failed was when the news papers elected Hughes and were forced a few days later to admit Wilson had been re-elected. When it is that close, the system may go wrong. THIS year, it appears that the newspapers have a chance to regis ter, if they can figure a way to tie up their advance information with the radio returns. It seems possible that one of the TWECI4ICAG0AN 37 newspapers will devise charts and tables, so graphic and simple that the family circle may have a page or two of the newspaper in front of the radio when the returns start to come in. It seems especially practical in the presi dential election, where from ten to twenty-five states are listed as "doubt ful," and electoral votes control. In the past, only the student or politician saw anything startling in New York going Democratic or Vir ginia going Republican. The news papers this year have a chance to make capital by showing the average citizen how to be an intelligent election fan. London, England Dear Chicagoan: BANK holidays having come and gone, the English have settled down again to business and to appraise the amount spent by the people for transportation, picnics and grouse- shooting. Many people who went north for grouse reported a dearth of these birds, but were rewarded for their efforts in journeying so far afield by having their pictures in The Graphic and The Sketch. As grouse-shooting, next to polo, is one of the most expensive sports today, one finds a decreasing number of devo tees. As a Londoner explained the other day, it is necessary to rent a hunting "box," which hitherto might be rented for a fortnight or a month, but which the owners now insist must be rented for two or three months. Then a license must be procured for not only grouse but any other game one may want to shoot, and this costs a fee, as well as the "gillies" who help in flushing the birds. The Evening Stand ard the other day estimated that grouse- shooting may hardly be indulged in nowadays for a sum less than seventy- five pounds. A TRIFLE piqued the other day, Mr. Winston Churchill, Chancel lor of the Exchequer, declared in Com mons: "I have found it very difficult to avoid reimposing that sixpence I took off the income tax, and which nobody has ever mentioned to me since." Whereupon Mr. Hardy Beveridge a fiery Laborite stood up and retorted: "Take off a shilling and you will be immortalized." * It is rumored around Piccadilly and S JWobern Bemanb for &n indent &rt rHOSE who are satisfied to dismiss this as the "machine age" fail to take into account the American's inherent love of beauty and charm. And this characteristic has brought into the home once more the ma jestic simplicity of carved wood interiors. In many homes and fashionable apartments, on the North Shore and in exclusive Chicago suburbs, our skilled craftsmen, plying their art in rare old seasoned woods, have supplanted the coldness and severity of plastered walls with the warmth and last ing beauty of period paneling. Whether your decision is Gothic, Tudor, Elizabethan or Jacobean, retention of the individualism of your home is assured. Hell? interior Craft* Co. Workshop and Studio 905-09 North Wells St. Chicago, 111. 1 "The skilled craftsman, whose pride is in his art o'ershadotcs all else." Overloo\ing the world famous EDGEWATER BEACH HOTEL development on the upper T^orth Shore 5510 Sheridan Road 100% Cooperative Seven Rooms and Three Baths and a few Special Five'Room Apartments KlRKHAM-H AYES CORPORATION 61 2 Worth Michigan Avenue Superior 8320 38 TUE CHICAGOAN Mississauga Lodge Limited In the heart of the beautiful Ontario Lakes Region — Canada's Scenic Province M [ISSISSAUGA Lodge faces Mis sissauga Lake, one of the chain of blue water lakes in the Kawartha district — lakes abound ing in small mouth bass and trout. Accommodations are afforded in either the main lodge or bunga lows, the latter com prising three bedrooms, living room and spa cious veranda. Both the lodge and bungalows enjoy southern exposure. Space of necessity is limited. Write for further particulars to Mississauga Lodge Limited Sept. 15 to June 15 Executive Offices 15 Wellington St., E. Toronto, Canada June 15 to Sept. 15 Halls Bridge P. O. Ontario Canada XJ ERE'S the best news of the •*¦¦*¦ season. Petrushka Club is opening soon. And in new quarters. Detailed announce ment will follow. $etrusf)fsa Club POLO "Magazine of the Game" Quigley Publishing Company 407 S. Dearborn St. Chicago On Sale at Brentano's the Mall that members of the Privy household are considering reducing the number of Parliamentary members on their invitation list because the King's garden party was interrupted due to the fact that Mr. Thurtle, a Labor Member, thought of a practical joke. As most of the Conservatives were at the garden party he endeavoured to get the House "counted out" in their ab' sence. Had he succeeded the Members would have been forced to remain in session throughout the Bank holidays instead of leaving earlier in the week. The Speaker refused to accept for a time the appeal for a ""count," but when he agreed to it, the Conservatives had all been rounded up from Bucking' ham Palace, where the garden party was held, to prevent Mr. Thurtle's little joke from taking effect. Of course, everyone said the Laborites were peeved because they were not at the party. Apropos this manifestation of Royal Hospitality, it is to be regretted that some scores or hundreds of those in' vited are unable to attend. The in' ability to accept a Royal invitation has been a gold mine for the London news' papers which print official social an' nouncements at a guinea a line. For most of the women who were invited and could not attend have paid at ad' vertising rates to announce the fact. With that pompous earnestness which makes the Court Circular here equal to Punch, Mrs. X and Mrs. Y have an' nounced that they "regret having been unavoidably prevented from obeying Their Majesties' command to attend." Apparently it is worth three guineas to many women to notify their friends that their absence from the three or four thousand guests may have been glaringly obvious. The Lord Chamberlain's office has explained that these public apologies to Their Majesties are not necessary, and adds that it is entirely possible that the King and Queen did not notice the absence of Mrs. X and Mrs. Y. It is possible that the King and Queen do not even know the absentees — in fact it is highly probable. But with three guineas in hand, no woman, despite the Lord Chamberlain's comment, will let that prevent her name from appear' ing in the Court Circular. THE heat, pressure of work and possibly a certain degree of anxi' ety about the case in question, has caused Mr. Chancellor, Magistrate at Marborough Street Station, to break down. Mr. Chancellor was the Magis' trate who acquitted Sir Leo Monay and Miss Savidge, whose case brought about reverberations throughout the kingdom. The police also seem to be having a hard time with the outbreak of a dis' ease just recently diagnosed as paraty phoid. Four have been laid low by the heat in Hyde Park, and one London paper observes that the King is riding earlier in Rotten Row in the mornings to avoid the glare of later day. * A Magistrate at Willesden the other day had a few distractions. Among them a woman appeared before him and complained of threats by her hus band. "What were the threats?" asked the Magistrate. "Pushed me downstairs and gave me three black eyes," was her answer. With sentiments of profound esteem, I am Faithfully yours, E. S. KENNEDY. TOWN TALK A Southern Idyl COL. T. O. HALGRIM, a senatorial representative of Mr. Herbert Hoover's natal state some years before the continental disturbance which put that gentleman's name into headlines, lives a conventional stone's throw from Mr. Henry Ford when the latter is resting, which is seldom, at his home in Fort Myers, Florida. Thomas E. Edison's home is pleasantly adjacent and the gentlemen invariably attend the Lake County Fair, an ornate occasion, and speculate expertly as to the local agricultural situation. (Realty per se is accorded but passing mention, for only the Colonel is intimately concerned with the parcelling of land.) Mr. John D. Rockefeller's winter holiday is spent at Daytona, a delightful drive across the peninsula in one of Mr. Ford's fleet roadsters, and all this pertains more or less importantly to the story which Col. Halgrim has brought at last into the North. Readers of the daily newspapers will recall a photograph printed in most of them some months ago, just before the present Ford model came into public view, in which Mr. Rockefeller could be seen peering from the interior of a Ford sedan. Commercially biased read- THE CHICAGOAN 39 ers spoke admiringly, if a little gingerly, of publicity campaigns and things like that. Even these agreed, as did the editors of the newspapers, that it was "a swell idea." But not all the facts were then known. Prior to the pub' lication of the Rockefeller photograph, which obviously should have been the first of the rather extensive series if the commercial theory did not lack foundation in fact, Mr. Ford had sent Mr. Rockefeller a touring car. This the oil millionaire inspected carefully, then instructed his secretary to return it to Mr. Ford and get a sedan in its stead. Hospitality A PLEASANTLY contrastive note may be introduced into too highly spiritous conversation, with which the club man or diner out is hedged about at this season, by narrating the experi ence of a Townsman whose Lake Geneva home was an extremely popular gathering place during the regatta. Anticipating the wishes of weary boat' men and watchers, and at the same time desirous of ascertaining once and for all the values of certain simple mix tures which he had been assured were excellent, the host had appropriated a substantial portion of the culinary quarters and issued orders that none save he should conduct operations therein. These orders were scrupu lously obeyed by his servitors. In high state, then, and with ap propriately exaggerated bombast, did mine host proffer to the assembled favorites frosty goblets containing his minutely attended distillation. Ap plause was spontaneous. Again, again, and yet again the pitcher went to the well, returning each time more proudly borne. The guests were delighted. Many remarked the sustaining effect of days in the open. This, all agreed, was hos pitality worthy the name. All, alas, save one, noted for an inordinate thirst, who begged access to the zealously guarded source of all this cheer that he might quaff the unmixed elixir. Just a little beamingly, the now highly complacent host selected from a row of glass receptacles the vital con tainer. When his guest had said when, he ceased pouring. The thirsty one raised the glass to his lips and drank a scant portion of — distilled water! The host's mistake was kept secret, how ever, and everyone present — save the -g* & tattt We ettve^ usA so— Chicago- In the matter of theatre, there are just two kinds of people who stand in line: the congenital standers-in- line — unfortunate — and the few who like to study those standers — eccentric Aware theatregoers, how ever, avail themselves of — COUTHOUI for tickets Couthoui service booths are available at the Congress, Blackstone, Drake, Morrison, Sherman and Stevens hotels. The Woods Theatre Build ing. And (for members only) at the Union League, University, Hamilton, I. A. C C. A. A., Lake Shore Athletic, and Standard clubs. Importers ANNOUNCE their fall opening September 10th Showing a very individual selection of model wraps, gowns and ensembles from leading French houses, Channel, Patou, Molyneaux, Jenny and others. 6 T*{. Michigan Ave. Chicago 40 TWEG4ICAGOAN This man probably knows more about the human skin than any one else in the world. He is Dr. Francois Debat, chief dermatologist of the Saint Antoine Hospital in Paris . . . creator of I N N O X A (PUT YOUR SKIN ON A MILK DIET) LAIT INNOXA is so easily applied that it needs no demonstration! Use it for a min ute or two, morning and night . . . your skin will find it strength giving, rejuvenating and cleansing Obtainable at leading stores everywhere 2.00 3.50 4.00 For the Vivid Season "The Chicagoan," 407 So. D.earborn St., Chicago, Illinois Send "The Chicagoan" one year, $3- checked my choice as you will notice.) Name Address... -two years, #5. (I have two, who subsequently adjusted matters — pronounced the evening an unquali' fled delight. Experimental THE Town's first nitration plant, constructed by way of experiment but in such manner that it can be used permanently as a unit in a citywide system, is located at 69th street and South Shore Drive. Twin basins ex' pose the relative visibility, hence in all likelihood purity, of filtered water and water that comes from the tap. Twin fawcets, hygienically housed and con veniently placed, are accessible at all times of day and night, additional pro- vision for the taking of filtered water being added when pollution of the main supply is rumored. Maids park perambulators on the spacious walk outside and sit on the benches within to chat. Now and then, rarely, a citizen drives to the door in his car and fills glass jugs with the crystal liquid. These are parents. The only filtration plant in Chicago, four visitors with bottles use it during thirty five minutes' conversation with the veteran — 23 years in the service — who is in charge. And three workmen from a street gang. No children. This last the veteran explains, point' ing to a paper-cup dispensary high on the wall. When it was placed lower down, in convenient reach, children wasted the paper cups and broke the dispensary. The apparatus was raised. The plant, says a gold'leaf signboard on the lawn, is a beginning. The veteran dreams that one day all the Town's water will be filtered through this and similar stations. The water is excellent. The Law ON August 29, on State street near Monroe, a police squad car bear- ing license number 757,728 eased to a graceful stop at the curb and a burly officer (aren't they all?) strode through Mons. Woolworth's swinging doors. A minute passed. Traffic didn't. An- other minute. A buzz of inquiry rose above the rustle of idling motors. Two more minutes. An uneasy shifting of the squad car driver in his seat. (The taker of the license number, scanned through squinted eyelids.) Then the burly officer (they all are) emerged from the store with a sack of candy, which he passed to his companion as the crowd passed on. VICTROLA RADIOLA, MODEL SEVEN-ELEVEN VICTCCLA and ALL-ELECTEIC LALICLA 1§ IN A CABINET both CCLCEEWL and CHARMING. EXCELLENT VALUE STEGER & SONS PIANO MFG. CO. 28 E. Jackson Blvd. It's toasted 3 No Throat Irritation No Cough,